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I hit my bipolar mom back. Idk what to even think anymore...

S

Ss665480

New member
Joined
Apr 18, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Cali
my mother and i have had a rocky relationship my whole life (im 26). She was very controlling and physically abusive. she would often try to control my interpertation of the world and would monitor every single move i made. she obsessivley used to secretly videotape me at school from accross the street and on my walks back home ( i wasnt allowed to socialize after school hours). shed wip my back and upper arm areas with a clothing iron cable cords as punishments. or be cruel and unusual like cut my hair bob short and call me ugly. i grew up and accepted her bipolar disorder. i tried to have a relationship with her and offderd my home 4 days a week to her and my 2 little sisters due to their long commute. my mother comes over one morning and we discussed the past. she had a heated reaction and i cried bc i felt sensitive that morning. i got up to get away and went to my restroom. she gets up and verbally insults me and keeps yelling. i take some of her clothing out of my hall closet out of anger and kick her out. as im walking to my front door she pushes me and violently takes the clothing. i turn around and take more and she does the same. the struggle continues and I plead for her to stop and talkn to me. she screams profanities and tells me ive been rejected by all father figures & that i was an awful toddler and child to manage as her excuse to myncrying reaction. at this point the is an explosion of items in my living room. i proceed to try to pick things up while i plead with her. she pushes and pucnhes me so i grab her wrists and plead for her to stop. she continues to hit my body and push me becausenim picking up the mess to try and take it outside. i snap and punch her in the face 2 or 3 times. instantly im filled with remorse and let her tackle me to the floor and attack me in front of my sisters. i run away to my room and regret not running there sooner, i couldnt think straight. she leaves then comes back and dials 911 on speaker phone. i go outside for 1hr and come back, she is gone and left my door wide open. she immediatly called my bro to say i hit her and requested he check on me. she also called my aunt to say i hit her and say she was concerned. i havent spoken to anyone and am filled with regret......
 
daffy

daffy

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Dec 16, 2007
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hiding behind the sofa
Hi and welcome to the forum. Has your mum been officially diagnosed bipolar because to me this doesn’t seem to fit that bill. You can get mood changes but they aren’t always violent. Your mum seems constantly violent and controlling and there are other MH problems that fit to her behaviour. If your mum isn’t seeking medical help I would urge you to try and talk to her and make her understand how she’s behaving. Have any of the rest of the family seen her behave in this way , if so try and get there support or is it only around you. For now if you can I would keep your distance and tell her until she seeks help you will only contact her by phone or In an emergency. The shock may be enough to make her realise her behaviour is unacceptable. Good luck

Daf:hug:
 
H

Helena1

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Forum Safety Team
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,031
Location
UK
She may have bipolar but that isn't an excuse for abuse. She need to sort herself out and you seem to be enabling her behaviour by just ignoring it and letting her stay at your house when she is treating you this way, cut her out until she can treat you with some respect.

Don't feel bad about hitting her back, most people would have snapped long before you did.
 
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