- Feb 8, 2013
I heard a child's voice say. "I believe." That woke me up. What's that all about. I have bad anxiety, depression, ptsd, and don't have a psychiatrist/therapist anymore. Idk what to think of that. I've seen people in my head, but I dk I just maybe have a good imagination? One day I saw a boy running around me and giggling. I could see him like he was real in a way. He was running around the sidewalk and around my excersise michine, but is it just my imagination? I'm very scared of guys. When I was little it used to be old men, now it is all men. Please let me know what you think of this. Could any of my health problems contribute? I have cortisone defficiancy, septo optic dysplaisa, epilepsy*absence seizures* I have this feeling when I have seizures like a wave goes through my body and lately I've been having the same type of thing alot and sometimes my face feels weird like a mask, or something is over it. I need someone's help. I had abuse when I was a kid. So idk. I wanted to kill myself since I was prob 6 I guess. If it wasn't for God I might've done that. And I had the most terrible sexual fantasies at a young age and I had sleeping problems. I'd end up going to sleep at 1, 2, 3... or so in the morning. Was that just me? I don't think so. I know of a lady who hurt me, but my mom said when i was little like a toddler, or something she was worried he hurt me because when he'd go to pick me up I'd yell/cry. I never like him very much. He made me feel uncomfotable. I remember one time he took my stuffy and put it's tail between it's legs and my mom says she remembers him asking me if I was wearing a bra. I'm sorry to bring all this up.. it's just I feel like If I do not tell you then you won't know. I've felt for the longest time I wouldn't live very long. Maybe till 43, or something. Maybe 45? I'm almost 40 now. Please someone let me know. ~bsg ps i'm so scared ppl hear my conversations on the phone, cell phone esp and follow me and wanna hurt me. It's all because I'm so scared of men. I just keep thinking of things I haven't mentioned. Ok I'm done now.