I hear thoughts that are not my own

[mintdreamz]

Hi. I wanted to come out about what goes on in my daily life as a diagnosed Bipolar Type 1 person.
I hear "thoughts" that are not my own, saying I'm God's Son. It makes life a little complicated as I grew up being a girl. I went through a phase where I thought I was Transgender FTM, but staying on meds for the first time, I don't feel I am anymore. When it comes to just dress or pants, I am pants. Meaning, if I got to choose I would be male.
So the voice tells me things like she was Justin Bieber, and Justin Bieber is a lighter version of "what we do".
When I go out in public, the "voice" is stronger. It "holds my hand" by clenching a tight fist, ring finger against the center of my palm. I've told my psychiatrist that I was "hearing voices", but I think I was told that hearing voices can also be a Bipolar trait. It's difficult to tell people (on the internet), that I'm like a two spirit.. that I Believe i'm God's Son. Justin Bieber has a tattoo that says "Son of God". So when I go through life now, I think "God is inside the body" of who i'm talking to.. for example, I got labwork done this morning for my 6th month and looking in the lady that did my arm, I assume it's "the person I talk to in my head". It does get complicated when there are more than one person around like how. "The voice has gotten me into issues before" like being readmitted into the psych hospital because I was saying something delusional, after it told me to stop taking my meds (just one time though.. the rest I don't remember a voice telling me to stop taking them, shoving them in a water bottle shaking it up and flushing it.)

I didn't always live hearing the voice. I was diagnosed as Bipolar in 2012 after an issue at my job. The voice wasn't there back then, but I experienced things when I was doing pot. The voice asked me to marry one fourth of july and I said yes "all in my head". Recently I took myself off the dating apps I was on. I didn't have a job or car and how could I tell someone that I believe i'm "married to God".

Before my standing fan broke, I was hearing a voice out the fan.

 

[NWiddi]

Before I started taking medication I could hear my voice through a standing fan, like someone was stood behind it speaking into it, also in any vibrations in the air or in my body, the washing machine on spin, tumble dryer, the fans in my PC, the sound of my footsteps on gravel, when chewing crunchy food and in my heart beat.

Mine also said he was God and that I was the next Jesus at one point but I don't believe that any more.

 

[mintdreamz]

Before I started taking medication I could hear my voice through a standing fan, like someone was stood behind it speaking into it, also in any vibrations in the air or in my body, the washing machine on spin, tumble dryer, the fans in my PC, the sound of my footsteps on gravel, when chewing crunchy food and in my heart beat.

Mine also said he was God and that I was the next Jesus at one point but I don't believe that any more.

I think I wanted to reply to another post that you made, but I didn't. I hear "words" in my ceiling fan from the noise it makes. Recently* I was hearing more than one voice and I didn't like it and I told my mom and I went to the ER and for the first time, Mobile Crisis didn't send me to the hospital, because I had an appointment coming up. Thank you for replying.

 

[NWiddi]

I found a cocktail of medication that stops my voice using vibrations to speak to me, now all he can do is speak in my mind like my own thoughts would.

His voice got weaker as I increased my medication.

I'm not surprised your voice wanted you to stop taking yours, mine hates it when I take my meds.

Are you back on them or have you stopped taking them?

 

[mintdreamz]

I found a cocktail of medication that stops my voice using vibrations to speak to me, now all he can do is speak in my mind like my own thoughts would.

His voice got weaker as I increased my medication.

I'm not surprised your voice wanted you to stop taking yours, mine hates it when I take my meds.

Are you back on them or have you stopped taking them?

I've kept taking mine. This is my first time keeping taking my meds since my diagnosis in 2012.

 

[NWiddi]

May I ask what meds you're on?

I'm on 4mg of Risperidone (aka Risperdal) and 10mg of Aripiprazole (aka Abilify) and I can only hear my voice speak in my fan a tiny bit, it's hardly words now just a slight fluctuation in the tone/pitch of it.

I've just had a lie down in bed for nearly an hour and my voice was talking non-stop throughout it all, it wouldn't be so bad if he had anything interesting to say, it's just the same old rubbish he's been spouting for years, he goes on and on about how unfair all this is to him (me ignoring and medicating him) and talking about how much he talks lol.

 

[mintdreamz]

Yes, you can ask. I don't even know what mgs for all my meds but I will get them so I can tell you. Okay.. I remembered I had a list in my wallet. Hopefully it's up to date.
So i'm on:Benztropine 1mg pm and am, Haloperidol 2.5mg am, 5 mg pm, Oxcarbazepine 150mg am 300 mg pm, bupropion 450mg am, Hydroxyzine 50mg am and pm. I'm supposed to be upping the oxcarbazepine (mood stabilizer), to try and get my "anger" handled. Just waiting on the nurse or psychiatrist to get my labwork back.

My voice has been being really quiet.

 

[NWiddi]

The only one I've heard of is the Haloperidol, from what I've heard it should be pretty good at quietening down a voice just like the ones I'm on.

I'm really glad your voice has been quiet today, also jealous, I'd do almost anything for just an hours silence every now and then.

I'll never take peace and quiet for granted ever again if I should ever experience it again.

 

[mintdreamz]

I've been on risperidone (kinda recently) and Abilify, (around 2012) but not for long, because I stopped taking Abilify and was self medicating and I had some temporary paralyzation.

I hope you get some peace. Can I ask you if you work? My voice told me to leave 2 jobs that I can remember. I'm wanting to be able to work again. I just remembered two another jobs it told me to quit. It "explains" things that I see when working.