I haven't felt so alone

HumanPerson

HumanPerson

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Jan 12, 2019
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49
It's been a long time. It's the first time I've went out and got really drunk outside of my house. I remember why I gave up now, everyone is talking about their girlfriend, wives and their life in general. It made me feel realise how disconnected I am from society. I type this inebriated. I know why I don't drink or do drugs like I used to, they both surround me with people but make me feel more alone than ever.

I've got my videogames, blacksmithing, music and exercise that keep me content but I feel so estranged when amongst other people when I'm out. Drinking only makes me more enthusiastic to putting on a personality when around others, whatever it takes to entertain and hold their company which makes me feel worse in the long run. It's been over two years I haven't looked for friends or a lover and I'm feeling that right now.

I feel like an alien putting on a big show. THE only times I ever see people is when I have gigs with my band, or find another job. I drink to help the persona I pose on-stage in the rare times I do gig.

Every time I leave the house I feel more alone. I don't have the desire to have a lover but I feel like I should at 20 years old. I had a serious relationship for 2 years when I was 16, When I think back to then it's like having the memories of a different person.

There's some of you who are worse off than me, and I'd like to say, I too, feel alone. I want to hug you and talk about everything to all you here. I'm trying to be less alone but I'm failing.

Only you guys can understand. I love you all x
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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I don't have the desire to have a lover but I feel like I should at 20 years old.
whats with the should !
thats your leisure time you are talking about
you can do what you want with it !

also having a lover out of loneliness
is another thing that can make you feel even more lonely
that is like a drug as well

what we need when we feel lonely is friends I think
and you have them right here !

:loveshower: :loveshower: :loveshower: 🎸
 
J

JCPraha

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Aug 27, 2018
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384
I know feeling lonely and disconnected is a terrible feeling. I know the feeling quite well, unfortunately.
 
J

JCPraha

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Aug 27, 2018
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384
I hope you are feeling better. You are right, I think people here can understand. Many of us have faced the same terrible feelings as you. Take care.
 
HumanPerson

HumanPerson

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Jan 12, 2019
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49
I hope you are feeling better. You are right, I think people here can understand. Many of us have faced the same terrible feelings as you. Take care.
Thanks JC,
I find that I'm most content when I'm busy and don't get a chance to think about the dynamics of social relationships. I'm quite happy doing my own thing most of the time and I shouldn't feel ashamed of that. Everybody is different and some in more ways than others.

I don't usually feel alone, it's just seeing other people and feeling like they live on a different planet that gets me occasionally.
 
J

JCPraha

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Aug 27, 2018
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384
It is good you are able to keep yourself occupied and are content the majority of the time. Maybe many other people do live in "a different world" than you, and that is ok. We all live in our own little world. It can be difficult to feel "connected" to them at times. But it sounds as if you are coping well the majority of the time.
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

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Jan 13, 2019
Messages
136
Location
Kent
Hi there,

I'm sorry that you're having this experience, I know how difficult it can be. I think in terms of socialising, we should definitely take baby steps in order to get there. Maybe you should start out by meeting up with a friend just one on one? Or just a quiet meetup without a lot of drinking. Alcohol sometimes has this effect on me too and I get filled with a lot of emotions (however I've recently learned that some of this is due to the medication I'm on too). As much as I enjoy spending time with friends, it does feel like they live in an entirely different world sometimes, but then don't we all? We're all different in so many good ways and there's nothing wrong with that :) It's just about finding your feet and learning what makes you happy. I hope this helps in some way x
 
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