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I Have Toxic Parents and I Don’t Know What Should I Do

B

brave99

New member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Indonesia
Hello. I’m a girl living in Indonesia and I’m currently 20 years old. I’ve just realized 2 years ago that the term of “toxic parents” exists. All this time I just thought that my parents are stubborn and selfish. So, I live in a house with my mom, dad, and 2 brothers. I’m their only daughter. They give me a lot of chores, but I can’t always do that because right now I’m in university and I’m studying architecture, which has a lot of assignments. They never really give appreciation for what I’ve done. Once I got the 1st place in an architecture competition but they didn’t even congratulate me. They always say that I’m not enough, I’m not like the other kids (always comparing me to their friend’s children). I’m not the type of person that get sad that easily. But right now, I’m starting to get depressed by them.

You guys know because of this Covid-19 situation, school and university is closed and we’re doing an “online school” thing. Then, of course I’m going to be on my laptop a lot. But, my mom just said to me that I’m on my laptop all day and I don’t help her with the chores. Then, I have this hobby of doing digital drawing and she said to me “you’re doing useless thing”. I was so hurt when she said that because that’s my hobby and you said that’s useless. She’s saying it just as if doing my hobby is useless and i should’ve just do the chores.

I usually just make the school (or university) as my runaway, because there I don’t meet my parents, I have my friends and my classes that just kinda make me forget about this “toxic parents” problem. But now because or the covid-19 situation we can’t go to school and we can’t go anywhere else either.

They never ask about our (me my brothers) feelings. They always talk about their feelings, how they’re so tired, how their feet hurt from going up and down the stairs so much (we live in a 3 level house). They literally never asked how we’re doing, what we’re doing.

I don’t know what should I do because I can’t move out until I get married and that might still be about 3-4 years from now. I don’t think I can handle it for that long. Sometimes I think the best way is to cry about that because it makes me feel relieved, but I can’t do that now because my parents sleep in my room because their room’s AC is broken. I can’t even express my sadness. Please tell me how to deal with this situation.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
21,649
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Hi and welcome to the forum, we're happy to have you here :welcome: i'm sorry you have toxic parents,do you have any friends you can spend a few days at the house of after this covid situation is over? :hug:
 
B

brokenprincess

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Pretoria
Hello. I’m a girl living in Indonesia and I’m currently 20 years old. I’ve just realized 2 years ago that the term of “toxic parents” exists. All this time I just thought that my parents are stubborn and selfish. So, I live in a house with my mom, dad, and 2 brothers. I’m their only daughter. They give me a lot of chores, but I can’t always do that because right now I’m in university and I’m studying architecture, which has a lot of assignments. They never really give appreciation for what I’ve done. Once I got the 1st place in an architecture competition but they didn’t even congratulate me. They always say that I’m not enough, I’m not like the other kids (always comparing me to their friend’s children). I’m not the type of person that get sad that easily. But right now, I’m starting to get depressed by them.

You guys know because of this Covid-19 situation, school and university is closed and we’re doing an “online school” thing. Then, of course I’m going to be on my laptop a lot. But, my mom just said to me that I’m on my laptop all day and I don’t help her with the chores. Then, I have this hobby of doing digital drawing and she said to me “you’re doing useless thing”. I was so hurt when she said that because that’s my hobby and you said that’s useless. She’s saying it just as if doing my hobby is useless and i should’ve just do the chores.

I usually just make the school (or university) as my runaway, because there I don’t meet my parents, I have my friends and my classes that just kinda make me forget about this “toxic parents” problem. But now because or the covid-19 situation we can’t go to school and we can’t go anywhere else either.

They never ask about our (me my brothers) feelings. They always talk about their feelings, how they’re so tired, how their feet hurt from going up and down the stairs so much (we live in a 3 level house). They literally never asked how we’re doing, what we’re doing.

I don’t know what should I do because I can’t move out until I get married and that might still be about 3-4 years from now. I don’t think I can handle it for that long. Sometimes I think the best way is to cry about that because it makes me feel relieved, but I can’t do that now because my parents sleep in my room because their room’s AC is broken. I can’t even express my sadness. Please tell me how to deal with this situation.
Hi so it seems we are going trought something very similar. I am the same age and also still live with my parents. I am also studying at university. My mother has always been a "clean freak" and because I am aslo now a home alot more she freaks out over the smallest thing and I get yelled at for no reason. I am an only child and also a girl which let's be honest my father isn't to proud of. I am doing well at university but never get any recognition form them but they are all to willing to brag about my succes to others. My father recently cheated on my mother for the second time. They were going to get a divorce but now all of a sudden they are trying to work things out. Both of them are extremely toxic but because of my university I am not able to move out. When I cry about it my dad tells me to go to my room but when I am in my room to much or on my devices to long I get yelled at. I aslo do not know how much longer I can take.
 
Kavaris_Valiant_One

Kavaris_Valiant_One

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 17, 2019
Messages
668
Location
PA
Hello. I’m a girl living in Indonesia and I’m currently 20 years old. I’ve just realized 2 years ago that the term of “toxic parents” exists. All this time I just thought that my parents are stubborn and selfish. So, I live in a house with my mom, dad, and 2 brothers. I’m their only daughter. They give me a lot of chores, but I can’t always do that because right now I’m in university and I’m studying architecture, which has a lot of assignments. They never really give appreciation for what I’ve done. Once I got the 1st place in an architecture competition but they didn’t even congratulate me. They always say that I’m not enough, I’m not like the other kids (always comparing me to their friend’s children). I’m not the type of person that get sad that easily. But right now, I’m starting to get depressed by them.

You guys know because of this Covid-19 situation, school and university is closed and we’re doing an “online school” thing. Then, of course I’m going to be on my laptop a lot. But, my mom just said to me that I’m on my laptop all day and I don’t help her with the chores. Then, I have this hobby of doing digital drawing and she said to me “you’re doing useless thing”. I was so hurt when she said that because that’s my hobby and you said that’s useless. She’s saying it just as if doing my hobby is useless and i should’ve just do the chores.

I usually just make the school (or university) as my runaway, because there I don’t meet my parents, I have my friends and my classes that just kinda make me forget about this “toxic parents” problem. But now because or the covid-19 situation we can’t go to school and we can’t go anywhere else either.

They never ask about our (me my brothers) feelings. They always talk about their feelings, how they’re so tired, how their feet hurt from going up and down the stairs so much (we live in a 3 level house). They literally never asked how we’re doing, what we’re doing.

I don’t know what should I do because I can’t move out until I get married and that might still be about 3-4 years from now. I don’t think I can handle it for that long. Sometimes I think the best way is to cry about that because it makes me feel relieved, but I can’t do that now because my parents sleep in my room because their room’s AC is broken. I can’t even express my sadness. Please tell me how to deal with this situation.
Hey illl tell you right away, that YOU ARE good enough. You got AWARDS, 1st place, in a competition. You're studying Architecture. You are doing things that could potentially make you successful. If they cant see that shame on them. But dont be convinced otherwise. You know this, that parents are very strict in the west, so know that- you arent alone in this, and to temporarily perceive the situation as a half joke. As far as the ability to discuss feelings hey, it could take some time.... Really stick it to them, either your mother or father, (whoever is more understanding), that you want to start discussing each others feelings.
 
L

lanceberry

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2020
Messages
16
Location
London,
Thank you for sharing.

I'm a only child too, 33 living in London.

As I'm a only child a was spoilt as a child I used to get everything I wanted went to a private school in London, got a good education, started to drive when I was 16, had all the gadgets etc.

As I've grown older my parents became more protective of me more so my mum than my dad - as I was in my teens he was flying abroad for business etc. Before I was stubborn, hot headed typical teen and I was easily influenced by other people and I use. to tag along with the bad crowd get into fights - generally be a hooligan - Got arrested by the police numerous times but my dad use to get me out as he knew the constable in the police.

Then I turned my life around - now they have become toxic they don't let me do what I want to do, refer to my past always, want me to stop vaping - comparing me to other children who have kids and married at my age - its blumin annoying.
 
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