• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

i have no life whatsoever

M

mario

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 17, 2008
Messages
4
i was always shy growing up, always have been and still am at 24 years old. Iv always lacked a social life and its bothered me my whole life. I think i played too much nintendo when i was little almost as a way to kill time instead of dealing with my problems when they came. I have lacked self esteem most of mylife and have none at all now.

It always bothered me thinking to myself what i was going to do with my future or where i was going to be when i got older.

when i was 16 i went from really happy to depressed for first and remaining time. little has improved

i got totally paranoid and didnt understand why, i would feel a wierd feeling when i would life wieghts in my weight training class and i remember thinking to myself about it. when i was 15 my mother moved out of the house i had been living at since i was 8 my parents moved every 2yrs or less until i lived there and i was still happy after but 2 months right after i got depressed i switched to the highschool i was now at and have been totally anti-social since.

i didnt talk to the epilepsy doctor or anybody about my problems.

2 years later the doctor found i had iron in my brain. it had grown easily noticable in the mri and you could see the size difference. It was a vein that had tighed into a knot and leaked out iron which is what caused the epilepsy i got.

One explanation from the cognitive perspective is that schizphenics cannot "Block Out" irrelevant stimuli when they are trying to focus on something. Researchers refer to this phenomenon as "Overattention". Thus, over attention to irrelevant stimuli overloads their capability to process information. As a result, their thinking appears confused and disorganized.

thats the only thing i have saved on my computer i cant say i did a whole lot of web searching but i reminded myself of a good example of that being that i was literally unable to block out that stimuli but right after they found it i had brain surgery. i still didnt talk about it my family/doctor suggested it etc i didnt even care, i did but i just continued to live carelessly. they took out the muscle in my left side and of course some of the brain under it, left temperal lobe i believe or the part thats alot for language or meaning of words, emotions, etc

i was still in highschool a year after the surgery before i dropped out with the 4 credit hrs i needed to graduate and finally got a job again another fast food one like my first one.

all N all iv had a really really really really boring life i generally have no friends or people i do anything with recreational. i dont have a whole lot of hobbies i still play my video games here and there but started working on cars and that pretty much is my only real hobby but of course iv been doing it by myself, transmission after transmission after car after car.

i new years eve at 7 pm i had an accident and woke up in the hospital at least 24 hours later. i was at work delivering a pizza as that was my job for the last year and a half and poof i woke up with mother there saying i had an accident my cars done for they said i had a siezure in the hospital so my licence has been provoked for 6 months and all my plans went from actually doing something with mylife to stuck at home 15 mile from what im gonna think of as a job. i worked and went to school all last year and was planning a 2nd job this year trying not to live with my parents anymore.

now i just sit here bored out of my mind trying to think of what to do with my life.

theres alot of music that could describe me or my life in general but nothing seems to change the fact that im a prisoner of society.

i dont really care what people thing anymore i think i used to care too much about other people and not enough about myself or combination i had such a depressing past or at least the past 8 years.

im not really AS depressed as i used to be, iv learned to suck it up but nothing changes the fact that i live a boring life. i still a virgin for god sake

iv been thinking at least a little more positive lately even with my lack of happy memories but given i dont know person that want a room mate or a place i could live near the city or somewhere where i could walk to a job, or at least someplace and have something productive to do.


anyone have any thoughts? any questions? any key word tips i ought to do some web searching wtih?

iv wasted so much time. i just finally just want help, iv tryed so hard to be independant and im still stuck at my parents house far from people or jobs, im gonna be 24 in april.

i really dont wanna take any anti-depression medicine nor would i have insurance anyways. actually i havent taken headache medicines for almost 2 years and i rarely get headaches any more of questions who what when where why how and i gonna get a bit more active in life and not be so passive with it.
 
M

mario

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 17, 2008
Messages
4
i heard the song nice guys finish last earlier. its been a while since i heard it maybe you could just make life last forever, as if it actually would.

i seen the move called no such thing a few weeks ago i liked it, it was about the only monster, he drank all the time and just couldnt die
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
672
Location
Looking down from the bridge
Welcome!
Had to say that first.....
wow.
I know what your saying. Sounds a lot like me, the low self opinion, lack of motivation, etc. I followed up years of heavy drug use by getting hit over the head with a road. And I don't admit this to many, but I was a virgin till I was 27. Not that I didnt want to, not that Im butt-fugly, I would just convince myself she wouldnt want anything to do with me.
I got tired of it. I worked out hard in those days, starting small, but eventually was biking 15-20 miles a day, 1000 crunches, walking another several miles, delivering newspapers lugging a giant sack up hills, I put that negative energy into my body, but it was'nt enough. I still felt like I was worthless, had no friends, dint stay at a job for long, had no girlfriend.
The day came when Id had enough. I hesitate to use the word, but something in me snapped. I stopped caring what others were thinking. What did caring about that ever get me anyway? I stopped being a quiet, scared kind of guy and sed to hell with what anyone else thinks, I am me and theyre the ones who have to deal with it. Yaknow? WHy should I internalize all this pain I felt, since most of it came from without myself? I started giving back. I pulled the bucket off my light and let it shine. I got a motorcycle and a few tattoos. I gained....confidence, man. And my world changed. People dig confidence, from friends to employers to chicks, they love that shit.
So I met a girl. She was damaged, from the ghetto, abused and used by what adults do, too young for me (10 years younger) but it was clear we needed each other, so I bit the bullet and asked her out. 2 years later we got married, that was 8 years ago, we now have 2 beautiful daughters. Things are far from perfect, the point here is that if I got out of that pit of depression, anyone can. But you have to push yourself.
Swollowing pride isn't a good trait, whatever anyone else sayz. Stick your finger down your throat and regurgitate your pride! Regret is a wasted motion.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I've just seen this post Mario and like Lucid went "wow". So much information takes a little time to sink in. I think we all deal with confidence in different ways. Few people in their late teens and early twenties are really confident, for most it's just play acting. I drank to give me confidence and it did for a while but it nearly killed me in the end. I think if I'd had the guts to stand up for myself then maybe my life would have been a bit different. When it comes down to it we're the only ones that can make the changes and change is never easy. Keep posting here, let's get to know you and you get to know us and that change just might happen. :hug:
 
M

mario

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 17, 2008
Messages
4
i havent been much of a drinker i mean iv drank my share but never go to bars and dont like drinkin by myself too much like everyone else. iv just been a pot smoker iv smoked way to much i did go to a bar the other day though and it just so happens the bar tender was my 6th grade english teacher. i never woulda expected that

theres really not a whole lot to tell about myself i know i need to get better at meeting and talking to people or conversations i just run outa things to talk about sometimes.

i went to college and worked full time last year. i went for an automotive degree since i was always curious to know how cars work when i was young and wanna save money or know how to fix problems for the future as it can be pricy at shops sometimes but havent been sure if i want it as a job since i havent had one yet. that was my plan like iv said but doesnt seem a good idea right now. i did apply at autozone so thats a start i guess

iv been real lazy lately just really bored. iv been walkin around the circles or pacing in my living room back and forth, one good thing about a job is it makes you appreciate your day off, i just try and think of how not to waste my time and still do

i havent been doin a whole lot lately just filling out job applications trying figure out where i could work & if im going to be able to move before i get my license back & where i should get a job combination. i have no clue what kind of job im gonna get or would hire me. i know i need to be a bit better at interviews. i kinda wanna try a construction work job but iv been trying to figure out how you start those since they always need at least 1yr experience but like many others i still need my license.

iv already got a car as its been sitting here a while but need an engine & since its the same kinda car i pulled it out the one that wrecked. i wanna do that since i definetly have the time but need to buy a engine hoist or find a better cheap one then the one i sold since sams dont sell them anymore as of winter either way i know im gonna do that soon.

i was kinda thinkin of goin in the army last week but of course i cant go right now but does kinda sound like a good idea in its ways. i mean its sounds like something i wanna do get exercise,stay busy, schooling, save money all in one and wouldnt have a choice. it'd of been nicer if i went 4 yrs ago. if i could go for 6 months that'd be cool

i always wanted to ride a dirt bike when i was young and still want to before im too old but dont wanna break a leg or something like many do.

i seen the movie called confidence today it was pretty good, i like the independant film channel.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
You say that you have no idea what sort of job you want to do or who would hire you. You did some college stuff with cars - is that an option, though I suppose you need a license to drive at some point. What else interests you that you could maybe link up with a job? Good luck :)
 
Top