Your not alone in feeling like that, change can be scary.
Please don't end your life, do you have any support?
I spent years in bed with depression etc, things can change.
Here to chat anytime.
Are you seeing a dr and trying any meds?
I don’t have a lot of support . My husband refuses to acknowledge my condition and makes me feel guilty when I’m not happy. But the only reason I’m alive right now is because I feel guilty about hurting him if I did kill myself. I have a therapist but I don’t think he takes me seriously. Part of me wants to kill myself just to prove him wrong. It’s so messed up I know. I have meds but I don’t take them. They make me feel like I’m being fake.
I don't think it sounds like your husband is able to support you properly, or that you're getting adequate support from your therapist. I hope you don't really want to to kill yourself just to spite him, even if it doesn't seem like things will get better for the two of you, there's still life after you that, it might even be better.