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I have had it I am sick of having anxieties.being alone

Carol1952

Carol1952

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Apr 8, 2020
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New England
I am so sick of having anxieties and being afraid all of the time.I worry about every little thing.It has been so hard for me since my husband passed away 16 years ago he always knew what to do and now I have to fend for myself and it actually scares me.Night time is the worse .What if something breaks down.Cant call anyone because my handiman wont answer the phone and my land lady doesn t want me to call in the middle of the night.I am sick and tired of thinking of scary thoughts.I dont like being alone anymore.Of course I have no choice.I am missing my mom terribly you dont know how bad I want to call her but she is gone too.We didnt always get along but I still loved her.Being alone stinks.I also have tremors because of my falling twice.I wish I could get my kids to understand how much i need them just to talk to them,I have no other family members.I try to keep busy . I absolutely hate it when my friend leaves.This is so odd because well u figure this one out i am lonely yet I dont feel comfortable around some people how can u be lonely nad not want company at the same time? Thank God to all my friends here I love you all.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I understand your anger with others, i have been through that. I came to the conclusion that many people disappoint, but not all do. Maybe those who disappoint are just not capable of being there.

You are in a worse situation than me because it sounds like you don't have independence and physically need support as well as mentally. I only needed support mentally, and it wasn't really there.

Is there anything that can be done to help you physically? Any physio or something like that? At home excercises? Luckily you have the forum for your mental health support.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I understand too how desperate it feels at night, although for me it is worse in the morning very early. I miss people who have died too. That is a desperate feeling also, because where are they? I need them and they are not there.
 
Carol1952

Carol1952

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Location
New England
I understand your anger with others, i have been through that. I came to the conclusion that many people disappoint, but not all do. Maybe those who disappoint are just not capable of being there.

You are in a worse situation than me because it sounds like you don't have independence and physically need support as well as mentally. I only needed support mentally, and it wasn't really there.

Is there anything that can be done to help you physically? Any physio or something like that? At home excercises? Luckily you have the forum for your mental health support.
I did do some exercises that i learned after my bad fall.that's another thing i am so afraid of falling so to be safe i use my wheelchair.you know when i was in the nursing home people would get mad at me because i am so afraid of falling.One 19 year old aid got mad at me see i fell off the bed when i was reaching for something she got nasty to me she said you only fell because your socks lost there grip and you are not going to fall ,well guess what i wasnt home for two days and i fell again in the bathroom.I broke two bones in my knee.plus i would have to sit adn waitfor my meds like 10-12 hours sometimes i use to get so pissed off because i couldnt wait for them .i would yell well to bad it got to where i would shake like i was withdrawing they would get mad at me and i told them i cannot help it lets see them have to wait for there anxiety meds.nursing homes suck,one more thing i was in so much pain in my legs muscle spams i couldnt move well that bitch wouldnt let me use a bed pan so guess what she did she ripped the covers right off of me and her friend said i was faking they pulled me out of bed but she brought in the comode she i mean they were no to happy about.they got mad because they had to empty it all i did was pee. i dont why i am teling u this i suppose it is because the way i felt.i am sorry you never got the support u needed.i will support you and i mean that to.i care
 
Carol1952

Carol1952

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Messages
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New England
I understand too how desperate it feels at night, although for me it is worse in the morning very early. I miss people who have died too. That is a desperate feeling also, because where are they? I need them and they are not there.
i know how you feel it is awful isnt it?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Carol, i dread being in the situation where i cannot control my own life like when i take my medication. The crisis team used to piss me off coming at all different times in the evening, and would not let me have medication until they came. Everyone knows you have to take it at the same time every day, with no more than 1 hour early or late.

Have you tried being assertive rather than letting them see you are upset? Sometimes emotion in a discussion can make them not take us seriously. Being formal and educational to them, might help.

I dread also being bossed around by teenagers. It is probably very easy to say piss off, but that probably makes the situation worse. Maybe again clear and assertive, not emotional, difficult but it could help.

I am trying to keep control of myself, not let my emotions out, be clear and assertive. I feel like as soon as i let rip, shout, people roll their eyes and i have lost control. This happened with my cat at the vet's. They didn't take me seriously because i was too emotional (understandably!).

It shouldn't be this way should it.
 
C

Copperhouse257

Guest
I definitely know the feeling of being lonely, yet not wanting anyone around. You’re definitely not alone. I’m absolutely not a doctor and I think that talking to someone about this would really help. Even family-based counseling eventually could help a lot. I just wanted to drop a line and tell you that you’re not alone and you can’t give up. Nothing will be fixed in a day or a week.
All you can do is try to make today a little better than yesterday and tomorrow a little better than today. As long as you’re trying, you’re kicking ass. Message me directly anytime if you need to talk. There are a lot of people like us that just need an ear. :)
 
Carol1952

Carol1952

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New England
My family wont give me the time of day.thank you ido appreciate it.
 
Carol1952

Carol1952

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
984
Location
New England
Carol, i dread being in the situation where i cannot control my own life like when i take my medication. The crisis team used to piss me off coming at all different times in the evening, and would not let me have medication until they came. Everyone knows you have to take it at the same time every day, with no more than 1 hour early or late.

Have you tried being assertive rather than letting them see you are upset? Sometimes emotion in a discussion can make them not take us seriously. Being formal and educational to them, might help.

I dread also being bossed around by teenagers. It is probably very easy to say piss off, but that probably makes the situation worse. Maybe again clear and assertive, not emotional, difficult but it could help.

I am trying to keep control of myself, not let my emotions out, be clear and assertive. I feel like as soon as i let rip, shout, people roll their eyes and i have lost control. This happened with my cat at the vet's. They didn't take me seriously because i was too emotional (understandably!).

It shouldn't be this way should it.
Carol, i dread being in the situation where i cannot control my own life like when i take my medication. The crisis team used to piss me off coming at all different times in the evening, and would not let me have medication until they came. Everyone knows you have to take it at the same time every day, with no more than 1 hour early or late.

Have you tried being assertive rather than letting them see you are upset? Sometimes emotion in a discussion can make them not take us seriously. Being formal and educational to them, might help.

I dread also being bossed around by teenagers. It is probably very easy to say piss off, but that probably makes the situation worse. Maybe again clear and assertive, not emotional, difficult but it could help.

I am trying to keep control of myself, not let my emotions out, be clear and assertive. I feel like as soon as i let rip, shout, people roll their eyes and i have lost control. This happened with my cat at the vet's. They didn't take me seriously because i was too emotional (understandably!).

It shouldn't be this way should it.
Not at the stinken nursing home they dont.Funny thing some of the nurses were nice to me i became friend with a 17 year old girl she would hold my hand every single day and hug me and told me she loved me i even gave her my phone number adn addy but i to be honest wont ever see her again,i am sick and tired of getting close to someone then i never get to seee them again.
 
C

Copperhouse257

Guest
I’m sorry to hear that, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not worth it. People, especially immature adolescents (which I was one), don’t realize the pain they cause others. Whatever struggles you’re feeling can get better. It really can. I think I’ve tried to actively do everything to f**k up my life and relationship with my family, but they’re still there. The problem was that they didn’t understand what I was going through at first. I’m absolutely not projecting my situation on you, but sometimes people fear what they don’t understand. I hope I’ve helped. Please don’t give up. Even if you improve each day by 1% it’s still an improvement. Please reach out anytime.
 
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Carol1952

Carol1952

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Apr 8, 2020
Messages
984
Location
New England
I’m sorry to hear that, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not worth it. People, especially immature adolescents (which I was one), don’t realize the pain they cause others. Whatever struggles you’re feeling can get better. It really can. I think I’ve tried to actively do everything to f**k up my life and relationship with my family, but they’re still there. The problem was that they didn’t understand what I was going through at first. I’m absolutely not projecting my situation on you, but sometimes people fear what they don’t understand. I hope I’ve helped. Please don’t give up. Even if you improve each day by 1% it’s still an improvement. Please reach out anytime.
thank u so much i am here for you to
 
Tawny

Tawny

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The 17 year old girl, you must have been very special to her.

People don't keep in touch for all sorts of reasons.
 
T

TyFence

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Jul 21, 2020
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202
Location
NorCal
Yah people don’t understand. They want you to be like them, ‘calm cool and collected’. They are in the majority. But when the large minority is in need then they are inadequate to help. It takes time and experience. Many do not have compassionate hearts like the 17 years old girl. She could be like Florence Nightengale in time. Life is hard everybody provides for themselves. But don’t give up. Keep the channels of communication open to those who can help. Roll with the punches until you get what you want.
 
Carol1952

Carol1952

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
984
Location
New England
The 17 year old girl, you must have been very special to her.

People don't keep in touch for all sorts of reasons.
I know i miss her so much she liked me the first time we met,I actually made her cry because i made her promise to continue being very compassionate when she got older,she also played basket ball oh ya she was very tall and i made her a headband.I wish she had stayed n contact you know there was this one aid which i didnt really think she liked me she worked that 18 year old bitch,.i think she was actually more afraid of her then anything so she would go along wiht her anyway when she was talking tome she heard that i was going home she wanted to know why,the day before I was leaving she came to my room and gave me a greatbig hug she really loved me.She was in tears because i was going home i even cried when i was leaving i think it was because i was going to miss a couple of my friends.and part of me wanted to stay but another big part no.Can u imagine a 17 year old telling an old fart like me I was her best friend i told her the same thing.she only worked o the weekends.
 
Carol1952

Carol1952

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Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
984
Location
New England
Yah people don’t understand. They want you to be like them, ‘calm cool and collected’. They are in the majority. But when the large minority is in need then they are inadequate to help. It takes time and experience. Many do not have compassionate hearts like the 17 years old girl. She could be like Florence Nightengale in time. Life is hard everybody provides for themselves. But don’t give up. Keep the channels of communication open to those who can help. Roll with the punches until you get what you want.
Thank u I miss her so very much/
 
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