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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I have everything and nothing at the same time

A

ablondgirl23

New member
Joined
Feb 26, 2021
Messages
3
Location
London
On paper, I have a very successful life. I drive, I own my own home at age 21, I've been in committed 5 year healthy relationship, I am training to become an accountant, I go on multiple holidays per year and have a circle of friends. Everything sounds great, but I'm miserable. I'm miserable by my job and money.

Since my first week at work 3 years ago I have been miserable. I dread every week and only live for the weekend. I can't live like this! I'm in my 20s, they're meant to be the most exciting times of my life. Everyone my age around me seems to not really do much with their lives. They all still live at home, don't pay towards any bills, work part time and just chill. So it makes it upsetting to see myself working 8.30 - 5.30 Monday to Friday plus having to spend hours in the evening studying. I don't even earn very well currently and my salary is only set to increase by £2k when I finish my exams in a few months!

All my life I have been so indecisive at what I want to do. I have thought and looked into many options, from teaching, to beauty, to law, to police officer, to midwifery, literally everything! I get excited about these different jobs, and then a week later the excitement wears off and I'm back to square 1 with not knowing what to do. I have been trying to look for other jobs recently, but nothing is particularly eye catching and it would mean starting from the bottom again, plus most of them I have to commute for. A few months ago I finally settled on becoming a flight attendant, and I would still love to do that now. I spoke to a flight attendant in depth about the role so I know everything about it and it all just aligns with who I am and what I want to do, but covid!! Also the fact that I would be taking pay cut if I became a flight attendant which makes me anxious about being able to afford my bills.

Added to that, I currently work from home due to covid but with the covid situation gradually improving I am probably going to be back to working in the office within the next few months and that gives me huge anxiety. The fact that I have never really clicked with my colleagues coupled with how I fallen out of touch with my social side since lockdown began almost a year ago gives me so much anxiety.

I have felt immense pressure from my dad career-wise, but since he has seen me miserable he has seemed to change his views and now says I should do what I want and what will make me happy. But it's hard to do that now because I have fallen into the trap of being in a secure, reputable job which makes it even harder for me to leave to try new things in case the new thing doesn't work out.

I just feel miserable, hopeless and don't know what to do. I'm at the point where I feel I will never be happy.
 
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ablondgirl23

New member
Joined
Feb 26, 2021
Messages
3
Location
London
Hi and welcome. Have you spoken to your doctor?
I haven't, no. My mum suffers with depression and has been on anti depressants for years. I feel like the doctor won't be that helpful because I feel that the only way I can get out of this is to change my life you know?
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
799
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
You said:
"I'm miserable by my job and money."
"I dread every week..."
"All my life I have been so indecisive..."
"I get excited about these different jobs, and then a week later the excitement wears off..."
"I just feel miserable, hopeless..."
"...I feel I will never be happy."

These thoughts and feelings are signs of classic depression. You should see a therapist to sort out your feelings. Find a capable therapist who understands what you are going through, can offer support, and hopefully can lead you in the right direction. Talk therapy (CBT) can do wonders.
 
M

Miho

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
337
Location
Netherlands
I haven't, no. My mum suffers with depression and has been on anti depressants for years. I feel like the doctor won't be that helpful because I feel that the only way I can get out of this is to change my life you know?
Hi, I know what you mean. But its worth thinking if this is something you can get out of on your own or if you could use some help with it? My case might be an extreme one. But I was diagnosed with a burn out to start with and now I have 4 disorders.

I just want to share with you that if you want to do it an your own you can. But knowing what you are up against is what you need to know.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,095
Location
Nashua NH
Hello ablond and welcome. I hate to influence you but if you are that unhappy with where you are I would make the changes you seek. You are young enough to be able to try new things and afford to fail sometimes. If the stint as an airline attendant doesn’t work out you can always go back to accounting, right? These kinds of decisions, ultimately, are adult decisions that adults make every day. It’s nit easy to place priority on security vs a chance at happiness and the choice is yours to make. I would consider if you were older which choice would you regret most and possibly make your decision based off of that. It’s scary to think about but you can make the right choice for yourself. You just have to decide to commit to one or the other. Good luck! xo, j
 
A

ablondgirl23

New member
Joined
Feb 26, 2021
Messages
3
Location
London
Hi, I know what you mean. But its worth thinking if this is something you can get out of on your own or if you could use some help with it? My case might be an extreme one. But I was diagnosed with a burn out to start with and now I have 4 disorders.

I just want to share with you that if you want to do it an your own you can. But knowing what you are up against is what you need to know.
Thank you so much for your advice. I am going to book a doctors appointment. I wish you all the best :)
 
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