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I have depression, but need help for my fiancée



New member
Apr 10, 2015
Hi, I'm hoping some people can help me out please. I haven't thought about using forums for support until now despite having depression for several years - probably all of my adult life (I'm 33 now).

I finally saw my doctor a couple of years ago and initially had a couple of courses of CBT but my condition eventually got too bad for me to work last June. I attempted to go back around Christmas but lasted a couple of weeks before I realised it was a mistake. I have since been signed off sick and am in the process of being 'made redundant', ie they want rid of me but can't just fire me!

This isn't the end of the world as far as I'm concerned as I didn't enjoy the job and it was a stress I don't need in my recovery. My treatment is advancing ok - I have a very understanding GP, am also under the care of a psychiatrist, am on medication (Venlafaxine 225mg currently), attend group therapy to raise my self esteem, attend acupuncture to help me sleep, have access to a coffee morning for other sufferers of depression, have started volunteering at an activity centre for adults with learning difficulties and have an appointment next month for a consultation for some further psychotherapy.

That said, these things take time. I felt as bad last week as I did at my suicidal worst last year. Progress is slow.

This was as much as my fiancée was able to take and she has since taken some time to move out of our house. We are both determined to make it work and hope to have a happy future together, but I am so focused on looking after myself I find it very hard to look out for her. Is anybody able to provide some advice to me? And is anybody in a similar position with a loved one who might be able to offer some advice I can pass onto her? She has been referred to a counselling service by her own GP but the wait is likely to be months.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, hope to hear from you soon.


Well-known member
Apr 8, 2015
Hey Kinnaird

I'm Rob I cant give relationship advice as I'm not good at relationships but my best friend has done her best just to understand what ever diagnosis I have been given over the years (I've been told a few different ones) and she told me that helped her understand why I am the way I am. So maybe that would help her if she learnt about it or even joined the forum so she could share her feeling and ask advice with the people here. Sorry I know that's not what you wanted but I hope it can help


Well-known member
Dec 4, 2013
Hello and :welcome:

It's really hard when you're struggling to look after yourself to look after other people. That's totally understandable.

Maybe time out of the house will be good for your fiancée, so she can have some breathing space and deal with her own issues right now. You've got engaged, so this person has made a commitment to you and I doubt she takes that lightly. I imagine she'll want to make things work.

I'd just suggest opening up to her as much as possible and let her tell you what you can do to help her right now. However, she might not want to put a lot of pressure on you, and maybe helping her is too much pressure for you right now.

If that's true, you should both focus on making yourselves okay and then you can come back together when you're both feeling a bit more stable. :)

Wish you all the best; this is just a rough patch, but if you both put your relationship first (and everything that might mean right now), then I'm sure you will be fine.