I have a question

[greebobeebo]

I have no idea if this is the right place to ask it, but I will anyway.

My OH has mental health issues brought on by his treatment by his mother through his childhood, is it possible for him to act the same as an alcoholic but without the alcohol?

It has been bugging me for ages, there is a website I go on that is for people with alcohol issues and also for family members.

the family members talk about controlling behaviours, things like who to talk to and what to say and also grinding down self esteem and making them worry about what other people have said.

These are all behaviours I have had to deal with and I have had to deal with self esteem issues in epic portions.

When my OH discovered that he could no longer bully me (cos we moved and I developed a bit of a backbone) he started on the kids.

Any thoughts would be helpful

Thanx

Alex

 

[iffybob]

Yes

Yes is the short answer ......

..... the problem is it is all realy complexed, and a lot of circular self affirming arguments, it does sound that depression is not his only problem, it may be more than that and under diagnosed.

If you can dont allow him to pass his behavyor off on the children, just by sticking up for them and getting inbetween will help them even if you feel you are not doing it as effecticly as you would like.

I have had decussions where the conclusions for some MH issuses is that we behave like drunks but we cant just stop drinking to remove the problems we create by the way we are, we have to learn to recognise what it is that we are doing and stop ourselves, this is very hard to do, and oftern we dont realise excpt with hinde sight, (or tooo late).

..... boB .....

 

[greebobeebo]

Hi

Thanx boB, I forgot to mention that the kids and I are no longer with him, up until last week he was still in our lives a lot until I said enough. He was still trying to control and manipulate, but fortunately because I could tell him to go home life became less stressful.

 

[nina]

hey u

I have unfortunately had similar people in my life. The best advice I had from a counsellor 14 years ago was you cannot change other peoples behaviour you can only change your own which in turn changes theirs.

Nowadays I tend to think my life is tough enough I don't need other adults tantrums and do as you have done remove yourself from the situation.

You are the first most important person you need to look after then you are fit to look after your kids. Tell your OH to face facts and seek help if he wants to rescue your family relationships if he cant do it for himself do it for his kids....tell him you cant help him unless he starts to help himself.

Good luck look after yourself and the kids