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I have a problem with isolation that I have never experienced before....

K

kmehra685

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Virginia
I literally do not know how to start this?? So i have this friend, one of my only friends, she is an online friend. I talk to her every day very very often. I am bipolar, it is a recent diagnosis from just a couple months ago, but i have had depression and anxiety for a little over a year. Right now i am facing a very odd problem. I will be talking to her and then she will have to go, which i am fine with. After a little while i get so unbearably lonely and uncomfortable not talking to anyone that it is too much to handle, so whether or not she responds, i just blab to her (which she has always been okay with). I feel secure knowing that at some point someone will read my messages, so i will text for a little while and then eventually hours could pass of me trying to get my millions of thoughts out and she will come back, and then i will feel extremely comforted. Then she will have to leave again and i will feel like a wreck AGAIN. This has become a consistent cycle every day. You know how people with BPD have a "favourite person"? This is so bizarre and extreme that it is like a different version of a favourite person but fit to match my bipolar? Sometimes i think she hates me but i NEED to be around her, sometimes i am so obsessed that i never want to stop talking to her. I break down over text to her, she knows me very well and what my tendencies are, but just now for a few hours she had to go and i was MISERABLE. Then she came back and i didnt feel great but i wanted to talk to her, so i did, then she had to go because someone needed her help, and now i am back at the same "ohhh my GOD WHAT DO I DO?" because the loneliness is soooo overpowering that sometimes i get suicidal, sometimes i want to unfriend her because i think she does not care about me (which she does, she cares about me deeply and is truly an amazing friend). I am soooo stuck, i do not know what to call this, sometimes i try to push her away and sometimes i try to let her come in real close, What in the world am i supposed to call this??? Is this normal?? To be torn apart every day because you cannot speak to this one person when you want to every second of every day? I have an emotional attachment with her strong than i have ever had with anyone else, and im so lost. If anyone even gets to finish reading my blob of text, some advice would be helpful :) thanks!
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
892
Location
Minnesota, USA
Hi and welcome to the forum.

I am no expert by any means but I can tell you something out of an experience. Online relationships are so addicting. What happened to you has happened to people from all walks of life. You are not the only one. You developed dependency on this girl to get your dose of dopamine, a neurotransmitter responsible for a person’s happiness. It’s an addiction, believe it or not. This also lead to a routine that you enjoy doing and you expect your time of happiness to happen. You keep waiting for an answer or you want to continue to talk if she answers. This keeps your emotions and patience on edge.

You have to keep in mind that people have things to do and not free all the time. You need to give her space so she doesn’t see you as a burden and a worry.

I don’t know how close you both are to each other and not sure if you both have talked openly about your relationship and where it’s heading but I would like to suggest that you find other people with common interest and personality that you favor. Start other friendships and occupy yourself.

Don’t be dependent on others for your own happiness. I think if she doesn’t talk wYou for a week, yes you will feel miserable, but you will get used to it and slowly forget about her.

I had a friend from California that I met online. We talked on the phone for a whole year. We both thought that we were in a strong relationship and things were going well. By the end of the year, she deactivated her phone line and I had no way to contact her. I was very upset because I always made sure that she feels comfortable enough to tell me if she doesn’t want to talk. After three days, she called and she was crying saying she thought she could just go away and forget about me. Anyway, she invited me to visit her in California so I did get an airplane ticket and went to spend 21 days with her. After I came back, things kind of died slowly and we didn’t keep in touch. At first it was hard to forget but with time I forgot about her and she forgot about me.

Be strong and I wish you happiness.
 
K

kmehra685

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Virginia
thank you, i suppose it is difficult to explain. I can easily make it appear to be that i am not giving her space, but when she is not okay, she tells me so that i clearly am aware of that, and the fact that i can respect when she needs that time makes our friendship stronger. Talking to her does not necessarily make me happy, i am rarely happy, she gives me the comfort i do not get from others. I have lost all of my other friends, i moved away and because of many traumas i have faced, i am clinging to her and not quite trying to make other friends as much, i have been manipulated enough to distance myself from meeting others. We have a very big age gap, but we get along so well in the sense that i remind her of how she used to be. We talk extremely openly, we tell each other what we are comfortable sharing, and it has gotten us quite far. I have brought this dilemma up to her (not too long after i posted the inital text) and we have been talking it out, we decided that tomorrow is the day we will figure out why my anxiety gets so high if i do not speak to her, it is mainly revolving around the fear of me not having her one day, which is all i can think about sometimes. She has given me more care than i have ever gotten from anyone else i have ever known, so to her it makes perfect sense to her as to why i am so attached, she understands mental illness more than anyone else i know because she has experienced it for years and years, so i have met someone i have known for a while to be one of the only people in my support system. I really appreciate your response! Thank you for taking the time!!
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
892
Location
Minnesota, USA
thank you, i suppose it is difficult to explain. I can easily make it appear to be that i am not giving her space, but when she is not okay, she tells me so that i clearly am aware of that, and the fact that i can respect when she needs that time makes our friendship stronger. Talking to her does not necessarily make me happy, i am rarely happy, she gives me the comfort i do not get from others. I have lost all of my other friends, i moved away and because of many traumas i have faced, i am clinging to her and not quite trying to make other friends as much, i have been manipulated enough to distance myself from meeting others. We have a very big age gap, but we get along so well in the sense that i remind her of how she used to be. We talk extremely openly, we tell each other what we are comfortable sharing, and it has gotten us quite far. I have brought this dilemma up to her (not too long after i posted the inital text) and we have been talking it out, we decided that tomorrow is the day we will figure out why my anxiety gets so high if i do not speak to her, it is mainly revolving around the fear of me not having her one day, which is all i can think about sometimes. She has given me more care than i have ever gotten from anyone else i have ever known, so to her it makes perfect sense to her as to why i am so attached, she understands mental illness more than anyone else i know because she has experienced it for years and years, so i have met someone i have known for a while to be one of the only people in my support system. I really appreciate your response! Thank you for taking the time!!
You’re very welcome 🙂

Sorry for misunderstanding some of the points in your first post. I deeply apologize.

You did the best thing by letting her know how you feel. It’s hard to find an honest and caring person when you’re isolated. That was very courageous that you did.
Now I totally understand and don’t blame you for feeling that way.

It’s very nice of her that she’s understanding. You should not be worried since she told you you guys will talk about it.

I wish you both the best.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
I have seen this type of irrational attachment on line many times. It may also be called separation anxiety. You are not centered and there is no mindfulness; only a dependency on a person to such an extent as to be unhealthy. You would do well to take up a hobby other than internet.
 
K

kmehra685

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Virginia
(going to try to delete this in a couple of days, no longer looking for replies) i actually thought about it more and consulted it with some professionals, i am showing major signs of borderline personality disorder. I would have to disagree, i take up many hobbird while i still talk to her, she is the closest person i have, she makes sure i am safe and grounded, being online means a lot to me. Thank you
 
K

kmehra685

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Virginia
(going to try to delete this in a couple of days, no longer looking for replies) i actually thought about it more and consulted it with some professionals, i am showing major signs of borderline personality disorder. I would have to disagree, i take up many hobbird while i still talk to her, she is the closest person i have, she makes sure i am safe and grounded, being online means a lot to me. Thank you
hobbies***
 
BLACKER

BLACKER

Active member
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
41
Location
Malaysia
Hey, I know this feeling. The feeling of needing someone so much at that particular time. The story is almost same as you. But the one is not my partner, she is my friend. I will easily feel so envy and anger when she said she isnt free at that time. And then when i view her instagram and facebook, I know that she is with her friends. Sometime she takes long time to reply me, at that moment i was like she must be hate me because im too negative. I cannot get rid of the loneliness unless she replied my msg. When im in that state i will just want to stay in my room and google how to make myself happy.. but always i am not comfortable with that emotion.. I duno its because of bipolar, i duno the way i treat my friend is normal not.. sometime i suspect myself is a bisexual, I duno its friendship love or just its that love... However, im so pleasure to see this article, I like how you describe the moment when you need someone at that time...I feel a little bit relief after seeing your post.
 
K

kmehra685

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Virginia
im glad i could help you, just want to clarify that she isn't my partner, we have a large age gap that keeps us as friends, and she is the best friend i could ask for. My black and white thinking with her has gotten a lot worse, not all that sure of what i can do at this point besides let it continue, i want it to go away but i dont know if it will
 
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