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I have a new perspective

R

RandomPerson

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
87
I made a lots of posts on here about how I believe I am being followed by a spirit that tortures me and takes the shape of a shadow man. It does things to influence my life and leaves me confused, but I am looking at things from a different perspective.

I have 13 days till I ship out and I'm in the middle ground on whether it was spiritual or something to do with brain chemistry. I need to choose for my own mental health. I can't be in any kind of unstable state joining the military. I had a conversation with one of my friends and he was helping me look at this in a scientific point of view.

I decided to look back at all my experiences in life and amazingly it makes sense. It is possible that my brain creates another person and audio hallucination to communicate with my body. What if this shadow man is my brain interfering to force my hand to make a change and it knows more about my self than me? It explains how it follows me everywhere I go and I subconsciously believed that salt protected me from it so it worked as a barrier.

When it created deceitful voices it was to push me away from people and situations on purpose. Maybe when I was out of state and thought I was doing good it wasn't what was really best for me and somehow this shadow man knew it. He left me alone when I listened to the voice who told me to join the military. When I saw it reach out and touch my rat, what I perceived as attacking it, may have been him telling me that I need to lose all attachments and focus on myself.

When it was smothering me maybe it was trying to help me then too. I was screaming in my sleep and I had sleep paralysis problems since I was young. I think I was fighting an imaginary friend in a sense.

This explains things from my childhood as well. Things I perceived as supernatural could simply be my minds way of compensating for the fact that I bottle things up and don't show emotion. Even when my uncle joe died of cancer I didn't visit him the previous night and never cried, but his belongings were controlling themselves as if someone was in front of me manipulating them. My mom got wierded out and threw them out.

Maybe my parents knew something I didn't and never told me. I retained memories of when I was so small I was being carried and couldn't walk. I remember the abuse my dad put my family through as a violent drunk and how my brothers treated me when I was the only thing that stood between my dad physically harming my sister and mom.
I think the psychotic dreams of me killing my family was a way to tell me I need to get away from them for my own health.

Maybe the military was something I needed even though I didn't want it and now that I chose to listen it feels I am on a better path.

I know this is a lot of maybe's and speculation, but if I keep seeing this as an evil spiritual presence it's gonna tear me up inside. I already have to relive the experience because it's burnt into my memory, but the least I can do is find a way to see comfort in it all.

This doesn't give me all the pieces to the puzzle though. Why would it try to coax me into attempting suicide? Was that something that I needed? Am I supposed to acknowledged this man, but at the same time take things it says and does with a grain of salt? Looking at it in this new perspective tells me it isn't as sinister as I think, but wants to help. I guess it has to take drastic measures to get it's point across.

This is mind boggling, but I guess it's better to accept that my brain creates an imaginary friend rather then believe I have evil spirits following me. Maybe I should embrace this thing when it comes around or speaks to me.
 
R

RandomPerson

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
87
Another thing that annoys me is how come the psychiatrists didn't try to give me alternate perspectives to help me make sense of the situation? I want to these people for help and just got pills pushed on me and got laughed at.
 
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