I hate when people don’t say sorry! Emotional Incontinence?

A

Adrift Mind

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#1
Hello Everyone,

Sorry for mentioning something so silly, but I thought that this would be the only place to share this without ridicule.

I absolutely hate it when someone doesn’t apologize. I was helping my fourteen year-old nephew with something earlier and he hit my finger (which is in pain from a raised acrylic). Naturally, I yelled and said “Ouch! That hurt!” He then replies in a defensive tone “But did I mean to do it? You didn’t have to scream.” This incident left me near tears and made me want to scream!

Sorry if this sounds off, but I am as my name suggests.
 
L

Lunar Lady

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#2
A valid emotion, Mind adrift - people don't easily apologise these days. Sounds like your nephew was more concerned about shirking blame than 'owning' the fact he hurt your finger.

In his defence - it might have been a self-protect mechanism...so afraid of being blamed, he blurted that out before he thought. He might have been scared of being in trouble.

Hope your finger's okay and this hug will make up for his reaction :hug:
 
A

Adrift Mind

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#3
A valid emotion, Mind adrift - people don't easily apologise these days. Sounds like your nephew was more concerned about shirking blame than 'owning' the fact he hurt your finger.

In his defence - it might have been a self-protect mechanism...so afraid of being blamed, he blurted that out before he thought. He might have been scared of being in trouble.

Hope your finger's okay and this hug will make up for his reaction :hug:
Thank you Lunar Lady! My nephew doesn’t fear me at all lol. He and I are less than ten years a part. It was complete disregard, but I understand.


Thank you once again for your kind words! :redface:
 
L

Lunar Lady

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#4
I'm old enough to shake my head and mutter "Oh, the youth of today...tut tut tut" :D
 
A

Adrift Mind

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#6
In all seriousness though, I have the feeling of being cheated or robbed whenever it happens.
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#7
I get the same, even over the most mundane occurrences! Like, if I say 'thank you' to someone at, like, the cornershop I buy daily staples from and I don't receive a "you're welcome", it gets under my skin. I'll just smile, but it's an irritant.

Or, yesterday I was walking up a narrow sidewalk, and a group of 5 women were just blocking the way, chatting in their own world. I said "excuse me, please" and they didn't budge! So I had to angle my body sideways and walk up on someone's doorstep while they ignored me. I felt like such a tool, and guilty for being annoyed, as they were a good 20 years older than me, but still!

And sorry is another one. Like if someone bumps into you or whatever. I always say it, even if it wasn't my fault. And lots of people just grunt at you (if you're 'lucky') and keep it moving!

General politeness is rarer and rarer these days, imo. I'm kind of a manners nazi, so I guess I need to just accept it and still carry myself the way I feel is dignified/proper. If it's not reciprocated, that's on them...

I don't know your nephew's age? Mines 13, and he can be quite cheeky lol. Also, bc you're a family member/someone 'familiar', maybe he just had his guard down. I'm way more proper around strangers than friends or family, lol.

Still, I'm sorry you were hurt by the incident. Please don't feel silly for how you reactively/instinctively felt. It's just who you are. Be proud you value other people's feelings and are compassionate.

And, FWIW, I was actually teased in grade school for saying 'sorry' too often. I had to learn to stop apologizing for my mere existence, but I feel I'd rather risk oversaying it than undersaying it? I guess it's all about balance...
 
A

Adrift Mind

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#8
I get the same, even over the most mundane occurrences! Like, if I say 'thank you' to someone at, like, the cornershop I buy daily staples from and I don't receive a "you're welcome", it gets under my skin. I'll just smile, but it's an irritant.

Or, yesterday I was walking up a narrow sidewalk, and a group of 5 women were just blocking the way, chatting in their own world. I said "excuse me, please" and they didn't budge! So I had to angle my body sideways and walk up on someone's doorstep while they ignored me. I felt like such a tool, and guilty for being annoyed, as they were a good 20 years older than me, but still!

And sorry is another one. Like if someone bumps into you or whatever. I always say it, even if it wasn't my fault. And lots of people just grunt at you (if you're 'lucky') and keep it moving!

General politeness is rarer and rarer these days, imo. I'm kind of a manners nazi, so I guess I need to just accept it and still carry myself the way I feel is dignified/proper. If it's not reciprocated, that's on them...

I don't know your nephew's age? Mines 13, and he can be quite cheeky lol. Also, bc you're a family member/someone 'familiar', maybe he just had his guard down. I'm way more proper around strangers than friends or family, lol.

Still, I'm sorry you were hurt by the incident. Please don't feel silly for how you reactively/instinctively felt. It's just who you are. Be proud you value other people's feelings and are compassionate.

And, FWIW, I was actually teased in grade school for saying 'sorry' too often. I had to learn to stop apologizing for my mere existence, but I feel I'd rather risk oversaying it than undersaying it? I guess it's all about balance...

Thank you for you response! I was also teased for saying sorry often. Like yourself, I too am a manner’s nazi lol. It doesn’t take away from a person to have manners nor respect, but nevertheless I try to conduct myself the way I would like to be treated.

Lastly, those women knew better. I hate it when this happens! It is usually more frequent with women than with men.
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#9
I'm sorry you were also teased for the sorry thing! What is it with that? I know on some level, women are brought up to apologize more than men, to take up less space, but I think manners are a dying form of communication and I'm proud of having them, irregardless of whether or not they're appreciated!

Hold your head high and be proud that you choose to carry yourself with respect for others and class and dignity. Jokes on those that don't appreciate or care about these things.

Plus, I've worked enough service jobs that I *really* appreciate it and it's a turn off if a guy I'd go on a date with would be rude to wait staff, for example. I don't even mind paying dutch, but heckle, be short with, or tip poorly/don't tip the person serving you? Uh, you're going home alone, buddy! Bc I've been that girl juggling plates or whatever. I have some pretty funny stories, to be honest, but Idk if it's best to share...

***Just, note to all, treat anyone handling your food with respect! But that's a different thread all together***

And, you're right, those women heard me. Pack mentality at it's lamest. Girls learn that crap in grade school. Women can be vicious to one another. It's so disappointing...

Anyway, thanks for making me feel like less of a nerd, and be your awesome self with pride! ♡
 
A

Adrift Mind

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
The Bahamas
#10
I'm sorry you were also teased for the sorry thing! What is it with that? I know on some level, women are brought up to apologize more than men, to take up less space, but I think manners are a dying form of communication and I'm proud of having them, irregardless of whether or not they're appreciated!

Hold your head high and be proud that you choose to carry yourself with respect for others and class and dignity. Jokes on those that don't appreciate or care about these things.

Plus, I've worked enough service jobs that I *really* appreciate it and it's a turn off if a guy I'd go on a date with would be rude to wait staff, for example. I don't even mind paying dutch, but heckle, be short with, or tip poorly/don't tip the person serving you? Uh, you're going home alone, buddy! Bc I've been that girl juggling plates or whatever. I have some pretty funny stories, to be honest, but Idk if it's best to share...

***Just, note to all, treat anyone handling your food with respect! But that's a different thread all together***

And, you're right, those women heard me. Pack mentality at it's lamest. Girls learn that crap in grade school. Women can be vicious to one another. It's so disappointing...

Anyway, thanks for making me feel like less of a nerd, and be your awesome self with pride! ♡
Hello Bleached Violet!

I think it may just be seen as a sign of weakness for some odd reason. I also work in customer service and I’d love to hear your stories if you wanted to share :).

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me! Overall I feel much better now that I got the chance to talk about it!
I’m glad that I could help as well!