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i hate this

T

triple x

Active member
Joined
Nov 3, 2009
Messages
38
Location
dundee
i hate bi polar and hate being bipolar it controls me not the other way round well that is going to change i am taking control :mad:
 
S

skyblue

Guest
If there is something I could wish for, it would be not to have Bipolar.

I hate it too, it does take control and can be hell to live with.

I have though, been lucky to have recently found the right medication that has diminshed the illness, hopefully for good.

I hope you're able to find the right medications too.
 
T

TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
sorry you are feeling like that. i hate my illness too. it really gets to you sometimes eh x
:grouphug:
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

yes, it's dreadful. i try not to dwell on it, but sometimes, you just do, and it's painful.
 
DiagnosisBipolar2

DiagnosisBipolar2

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
261
Location
Wiltshire
I share your pain. I am struggling to control it as opossed to letting it control me at the moment it seems to be winning.

I always think knowledge is power though and I think the better your insight is into this illness the better chance you have of controlling it. It takes a lot of work on our part to get there though or so it would seem...........
 
lilly666

lilly666

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
20
HI sky blue, if you dont mind me asking what have you found works for you?

Do you feel like your fighting with yourself inside? i find it hard to explain how im feeling maybe thats y im not getting anywhere!
:grouphug:
 
S

skyblue

Guest
HI sky blue, if you dont mind me asking what have you found works for you?

Do you feel like your fighting with yourself inside? i find it hard to explain how im feeling maybe thats y im not getting anywhere!
:grouphug:
Hi Lilly,

I was diagnosed 4 years ago, but have been battling with Bipolar, I believe since I was a teenager.
I've taken ton's of different medications for about 16yrs now, since I was 17 and non of them worked very well until now. Recently my new PDoc presribed me Seroquel and Depakote. Seroquel has been a life saver and has really helped me.
I now feel absolutely fine, all of my demons have disappeared. I've been taking this combination of meds since November last year and haven't felt this well for what seems like years and years.

It's all trial and error though and can take some time to find the right ones for you.

I hope you're able to find the right medications soon. I know just how bad it feels, it can be sheer hell.

Good luck and I wish you well.

:flowers:

BTW - I forgot to tell you that I have also had to change my lifestyle around. I used to love a good drink, but I cannot drink alcohol at all now because it can trigger an episode for me. I exercise regulary and eat heathily and I also make sure I have set routines for each day. Waking the same time each morning and sleeping the same time each night, to ensure I sleep well.
Sounds a bit regimental, but it really does work.
 
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M

mumto6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
56
Location
Co Durham
I know exactly how you feel - I somehow feel robbed of my life.
I have no controll over anything at the moment. I am scared of myself.
I am angry I am ill - I am full of guilt as if I have brought this on myself - I am confused as I dont understand the things I do - I am ashamed to be ill - I feel a let down to my partner and to my kids.I feel a failure as can no longer work - I am hoping once medicated I may start to gain back some of the control.
 
piuma

piuma

Member
Joined
Sep 18, 2009
Messages
5
Location
uk
Im sorry you feel this way. i have to say for me, i enjoy parts of bein manic, infact i miss it right now as im in depressed episode, the first major one. i do hate the bad bits tho, i can understand that xx
 
M

mad as a hatter

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
i miss the high,s as well i,m also in a a depressed state at the moment and i do feel bipolor does control ur life and it,s not great i don,t feel being on meds changes that it certainly doesn,t help me have much control at all i built my hopes up that they would only for it 2 a bit fat failurer that saddens me 2 cause i thought i could have some sort off life but it ain,t worked out that way but at least 1 thing i keep battling on hoping 1 day that might change for me
 
M

mumto6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
56
Location
Co Durham
If I could live my life as one big " High" then yes I could cope.
Sadly for me ( am not sure if the pregnancy is playing even more havoc) but I tend to switch from moods within 2-3 hours. I can wake at 3am full of beans and get the housework etc done ( as in scrubbing skirting boards and washing doors) then go back to bed at 6am to wake at 8am to feeling like crap.

I can be the life and soul of friends being over then suddenly decide I want them to go - it's confusing for everyone.

The worst part is hiding as much as I can from the kids - they are too young for me to explain that I am not well. If mummy is dancing with them one minute then the next I am screaming at them my partner demands I take " Time Out " - Time out means get out of the way - and I have learned its in the best interest of everyone if I go upstairs and lay down until I feel more calm.

Friends have stopped calling - my relationship with my partner is at most times on tender hooks - with him walking on egg shells. I do not have any signs to warn me of a mood change - they happen so quickly - I am switching from High to Low maybe an average of 5-6 times daily.I am worn out.
 
emski

emski

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
1,151
Location
North West
I think it is the old addage of curse and gift. I dislike it the most for its ability to render me disablingly psychotic when very high, and completely apathetic, despairing and disassociative when at my lowest. But the hypomanic edge has allowed me to experience phenomena that can only be described as miraculous and beautiful. To feel like I have shared people's thoughts and feelings and to have had the finest most exquistely attunded senses, to the point where I could here birdsong in the distance, whilst in a car on a motorway, is truly powerful.

We also can't forget that people like us, in other cultures and countries, are revered, treasured, trusted, nurtured, even worshipped.

If we can just try and remember one positive thing about bipolar every day then maybe we can be at peace with it when we are stable and learn to tame it instead of it taking control of us

:flowers:
 
P

PrincessPearl

Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2010
Messages
14
Location
Maidstone, Kent, UK
We are all in the same boat

It seems as if we all feel the same. I have episodes roughly once a month so it is impossible to have any kind of "normality" in my life.

I take my meds, see the psychiatrist, CPN, doctor, have psychotherapy and go to support groups. Nothing reduces the mood cycles or how I feel about myself and my illness.
 
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