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I hate the way I look (stretch marks, double chin, etc)

MrBond007

MrBond007

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Nov 16, 2020
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78
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England
Okay so, as of recently I am not very happy with the way I look at all at the moment. And it is most specifically about my body. Since I was around 12, I've always been a bit of a fitness fanatic, doing a lot weights, a lot of cardio, drinking a lot of water and such. I've always envisioned myself to have a good looking body one day (swole and ripped). Though for these last few years, I haven't really been going through a relatively good stage of my life (depression and anxiety as well as extreme stress from college, personal issues, relationships, etc) and so my interest in training kind of faltered somewhat though I still went to the gym and worked out on a regular basis. At the start of this year before the lockdown (January - March 2020) I was already extremely stressed out with my life, especially with college at the time. And ever since lockdown was announced, it felt like a gift from god since I was absolutely done with it. For the past 2 academic years (18-19,19-20) at college I've had 100% punctuality and attendance. I was so passionate of my course (performing arts) and was so determined to do well that I went no matter how I was feeling, whether If I was sick as a dog, If I was hungover, If I didn't sleep the night prior, I always went and tried my best every single day. My life at college (especially the final months of the 19-20 term) were honestly the most stressful and worst, so when it was announced we was in lockdown I was extremely relieved because I honestly felt I was going to go crazy with the work, the people there, etc. I did enjoy most of my time off throughout lockdown, however I quickly went down this downward spiral of binge drinking and binge eating, to the point where I put a considerable amount of weight on. I mean even before lockdown I was quite stocky-ish anyway but now I've become (from what most of my friends, family and even complete strangers call me) fat. Around summer time, I had noticed I have developed stretch marks on the sides of my waist, in and around my thighs and as of today I have noticed a small one developed just next to my belly button. My stretch marks are possibly one of my biggest insecurities when I am shirtless. I absolutely abhor them and I don't know what to do to get rid/lessen them. My biggest dream is to become an actor someday (most specifically in action movies, like Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dolph Lundgren, Nicholas Cage, etc) and I want to be known for having a good, attractive body though my stretch marks are really making me doubt myself.

I've also developed a much more prominent double chin which again is also one of my biggest insecurities. Especially when I am around other people (such as my crush), and when I am acting on camera and I have to look back at the recordings (since as of recently our task at college is to create our own showreel of our acting skills), which is honestly really frustrating and upsetting for me because I hate looking at myself. For the past 2 years (this year especially) I have been trying to improve on it by doing a series of neck exercises I learned online. And they feel to be working, since I would spend at least a couple of minutes stretching my neck to the point where it is sore the day after. Because of lockdown, I was unable to go to my local gym which again was very frustrating for me because I just wanted to go so bad. I couldn't really work out at home considering I don't have the space or equipment to work out. And I didn't want to go out for runs because I have pretty bad social anxiety (it is especially bad since I live in a pretty rough town also), and I didn't want to do heavy running/heavy cardio without doing weights because I didn't want to lose my muscle mass. So I was kinda stuck in between a rock and a hard place. When I had the chance I would do my usual 100 sit-ups whenever I could (sometimes a lot more), and when I went round my dads (which was quite rare), I had enough space to do a workout video (Dolph Lundgren's Maximum Potential). I would try to do these as much as I could but still in the end, I still didn't feel satisfied with my body.

Anyways, around October the gyms were open again. I went back to the gym last October (which was the first time in 10 months) to do some weights and I did much better than I expected. So my confidence started to grow, and then I went again the week after for some cardio, however I did less then I expected in this regard. I mean it was to be expected really, being on a hiatus from running for about 10 months (and having put on nearly a stone since) wouldn't necessarily do me justice. But I still felt good about myself and wanted to go again. I would normally go to the gym on a daily basis but seeing as this was my first time going in a long while, I tried to take things slow. So I went the after and bam, it was the second lockdown. To which I was kind of bummed out because of it since I wanted to get back into the routine of going again. As of December the 2nd, the gyms are now open again and since Wednesday, I have been planning a 30 day challenge for me to lose a considerable amount of weight (fat) as well as work hard on my college work. Since I figured this would help me physically as well as mentally (I have been going through a terrible time as of recently). I've been planning on going to the gym on a daily basis to do my weights and cardio, I have tried to eliminated fizzy drinks and alcohol, trying to drink at least 2 litres of water a day, eating better food such as my typical rice and tuna/rice and beef/rice and cod fillet/rice and chicken, do my 100 sit-ups, go for walks, taking omega-3 fish oil tablets, taking 5g of creatine monohydrate with a pint of orange juice everyday day. So yeah I have been pretty serious about this because I am just fed up with the way I look at the moment.

Recently I have been looking up to people such as Ethan Behzinga and Tyson Fury on their weight loss journeys, considering I think Tyson Fury has went through a similar type of situation and his issues with mental health (again the same with me, battling depression and anxiety to the point where I am having to be on 20mg flouxetine everyday). So anyway I tried my best to avoid mirrors as or recently, considering I think that would help me see improvement in myself If I didn't look at my own body everyday. Though today I had a bit of an upsetting experience, basically I went to the bathroom today and I accidentally noticed a brand new stretch mark (it was a small one though) right next to my belly button. After that I looked down at it and I just started to feel really awful with myself. I mean I've just started training now and yet I've just discovered a new stretch mark. So I am feeling pretty fed up as of right now, and I have just been quite upset at myself for the fact that I perhaps will never get a nice looking body with these marks. How would I feel going to the beach or abroad knowing I have these marks. And plus I want to be one of them type of actors who isn't afraid to take off their shirt in certain scenes but seeing this happen to me, I beg to differ. The same goes for my double chin, though that is noticeable even when I am fully clothed. I am still going to try and get back into the groove of being in better shape again but I don't think these stretch marks will ever go away :(
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Eat healthily, exercise a little, keep well mentally, look after yourself and accept yourself. We all have imperfections but we as people, individuals, and how we spend our life, are much more important.

Try not to focus on looks much. Actors are wonderful because they all look like real people. I was thinking about Judi Dench earlier and thought she actually looks quite old and quite plan, how did she become so successful? Because she is her, there is an amazing personality and soul there, sparkling eyes, lovely voice and humour. She is a good kind person too.

In a few decades you will be 70 and look pretty old and wrinkly and saggy anyway ;)
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Sorry to 70 year olds
I look pretty awful and i am not even 50 yet :)
 
Talina

Talina

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It’s good to eat healthy and avoid fizzy drinks, it will make your body feel better. I know when I started to excercise I used to follow training programs from a few youtube videos. I quit after 2 months because I had pushed myself too hard during one of the trainings and had to let the body rest. I managed to get pain in the joints which mean I had been too intense. But I could easily do the exercises at home and I develop a big grudge towards the plank because they was so hard to do, I cheated sometimes and just did the normal plank😅

I only needed the space of doing the plank and moving a little side ways, no equipment needed and I totally had really sore muscles the first week until it was manageable. Just so you know you don’t need to go to the gym to train and still get a really good work out at home. When I trained I got stronger for every week and could feel the improvement. Don’t really know if I can do 100 situps, I’ve been too lazy these months except doing a bit of aqua exercises and swimming a little. I’m quite sure if I jump into doing the training regime I did before, I wouldn’t be able to move like a normal person until my muscles get used to the training.

I know my little brother is trying to become an actor just like you and he have played minor roles in movies and also a model. He’s just started to try following his dream. But he have a pectus excavatum which is a deformity to the chest where the skeleton is shaped wrong.

So his biggest fear was needing to take off his shirt. But when he learned to accept himself and open up about it. He no longer cared and he could still act in movies and be a model.

A great actor don’t need the super hot looks. One of my favorite actors is Danny Devito. I don’t know how many times he have brought me to laugh while watching his movies and making me feel better. Because a good actor can still create the audience to enjoy what they watch and I also had a tendency to watch musicals and theater in the opera house. I don’t know how many times I get captured by the story because they are so good at acting.

So don’t focus all on your looks, there more to acting than what the eye can see. I also have a few stretch marks but they have becomes a little less visible.

I hope you manage to love your self more and focus on staying healthy.
 
P

Purpleplum

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Feb 7, 2020
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We worry a lot about looks when we're young but looks don't last so try to concentrate on yourself more as a person.

Also, you're young, so I doubt you have anything to worry about.
 
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