I hate people

Peace

Peace

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May 7, 2009
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With the moomins
I have people phobia. I only have 2 friends my age. I wish I had more but I'm afraid of people and they don't like me. But I'm starting a new job. I'm absolutely terrified but my dad will kill me if I don't go.... help please :'(
 
Rebel_Rogue

Rebel_Rogue

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Feb 26, 2009
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Ireland
I know how you feel Peace. I cant stand being around strangers coz they freak me out and I dont have many friends either.

I am sure your new job will be alright, just keep a close friend a phone call or txt message away so they can be there for u. Thats what I do when I am somewhere new or there is too many people. Having someone to help is always the best thing.
 
L

lonelyandlost

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Joined
May 8, 2009
Messages
233
Location
Bradford
I totally understand where you are coming from

I don't have any friends and only leave the house to take kids to school and going to any appointments, that's as much as I usually do.

I really hope that the new job goes ok for you and like Rebel_Rogue said keep someone who you can trust close so you can call.
 
S

silentlybrokenangel

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Joined
Jul 10, 2009
Messages
14
Location
England
I totally understand how you feel. I suffer from this as well. I feel extremely uncomfortable around people I don't know. I'm normally quite friendly and cheerful, but when I'm around others outside of my inner circle I appear very cold and unfriendly, because I'm determined not to let them get close. I distrust people, and always think the worst, and believe they think I'm just a crazy kid.

One thing people always told me to do to combat this was to place myself in situations where I had no choice but to socialise with strangers. I couldn't see how this could work--I believed it would just make the problem worse.

I got my first proper job in a cafe. I was surrounded by people of all kinds, and I had to converse and serve and help out.

And I couldn't believe it. It actually worked, to a degree. I still dislike and distrust people, but now I'm getting to the stage where I can go out and converse and appear friendly and helpful to strangers. Of course, this is only in a work situation. My social situation remains the same, because I don't go out often enough with people I don't know. I'm sure if I did that enough times, that would gradually change, as well.

But there is no quick solution, if one at all. It's about finding a medium by which you feel comfortable. I still dislike being around people I don't know. We've had a lot of new people start in the place where I work now, and I've had to go to them and help them out, ask how they're doing, etc, etc. I'd prefer it if I didn't have to talk to them, but now I'm able to at least make the effort without feeling my heart rip.

Before I started work I couldn't even make a phone call to someone I didn't know. I'd sit and stare at the phone like it was gonna scream at me. Now I have little difficulty.

I don't know where this proves to be the case for you, but keep at it. It's bound to feel awful and uncomfortable of course, but so does any treatment. In time, hopefully sooner than later, you will find that it becomes a little easier, to something you can tolerate. :D
 
butterfly

butterfly

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Joined
Jul 9, 2009
Messages
14
I am the same. I trust noone and am very cynical about people and society in general. I have to go on the school run every day and try to go really early or really late so i dont have to speak to anyone and if i get there at the busy times or have to attend a school function or something i'm a wreck and feel sick and anxious. I'm not scared of people as such. I just don't like them. But apparently these days people only like the people persons. If ure a loner ure an oddball and to be sidelined. I work part-time in a close knit office. Nobody knows the real me there. We all put up a front as such; guess that's the best we can do in these situations x
 
FastLaneC3

FastLaneC3

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Jun 3, 2009
Messages
87
Location
ON, Canada
I can relate in a way: every since my depression hit full blown and people found out, I've had a lot of people walk away and people that take advantage of the situation. My family refuses to acknowledge it and the countless promises from counselors and friends to stand by me all failed (one counselor made a PhD paper out of me and then walked away).

I've definitely come to the conclusion that I can't trust anyone to help me and I have to figure this out on my own. I have piles of research I've pulled up: I can't trust others to make me better, so I guess I'll have to!
 
W

watchinghour

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Jul 10, 2009
Messages
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Australia for now.
You and Me Both Peace.

Hi Peace and all,

This is the first thread I laid my eyes on after registering with this forum, and it's very much on-topic with me.

After a lifetime it seems of bad experiences with the kinds of people I wish I could put on 'ignore' in real life, I don't have any friends either, I never look people in the eye, don't like people touching me, and don't like standing in queues. Instead, I stand to the side of them so I can keep an eye on people behind me. I prefer my own company.

I'm alot better than I used to be though. I can get out when I have to in order to achieve my goals. I decided to return to school and finish high school which I have since done. Many of the courses I took required me to get up in front of other people and give seminars and presentations. I took them in my stride and did what had to be done. I did very well in my interactions with people and my examination results. I did so well, I've decided to go back and do additional subjects so I can do engineering at uni and perhaps travel and see the world at some point.

So I've taken some big steps since 2006, but getting out there has also confirmed for me why I don't like people in the first place. As soon as my courses finish, and there's no need to be out there in the thick of it for the time being, I quickly go into some serious hibernation mode and don't come out for weeks unless I have to do my shopping.

I had plenty opportunities to make friends, and maybe even get myself a girlfriend, but I quickly sabotaged all those relationships. It's just less hassle than having to worry about other people's motives. I'm very alone but not lonely. I recently purchased my laptop and some internet access. I have my ps3, my music and my movies and my dreams. As long as I keep achieving the goals I've set myself, that's all that matters to me.
 
Last edited:
S

sunny71

Member
Joined
Aug 23, 2009
Messages
15
I totally understand how you feel. I suffer from this as well. I feel extremely uncomfortable around people I don't know. I'm normally quite friendly and cheerful, but when I'm around others outside of my inner circle I appear very cold and unfriendly, because I'm determined not to let them get close. I distrust people, and always think the worst, and believe they think I'm just a crazy kid.

One thing people always told me to do to combat this was to place myself in situations where I had no choice but to socialise with strangers. I couldn't see how this could work--I believed it would just make the problem worse.

I got my first proper job in a cafe. I was surrounded by people of all kinds, and I had to converse and serve and help out.

And I couldn't believe it. It actually worked, to a degree. I still dislike and distrust people, but now I'm getting to the stage where I can go out and converse and appear friendly and helpful to strangers. Of course, this is only in a work situation. My social situation remains the same, because I don't go out often enough with people I don't know. I'm sure if I did that enough times, that would gradually change, as well.

But there is no quick solution, if one at all. It's about finding a medium by which you feel comfortable. I still dislike being around people I don't know. We've had a lot of new people start in the place where I work now, and I've had to go to them and help them out, ask how they're doing, etc, etc. I'd prefer it if I didn't have to talk to them, but now I'm able to at least make the effort without feeling my heart rip.

Before I started work I couldn't even make a phone call to someone I didn't know. I'd sit and stare at the phone like it was gonna scream at me. Now I have little difficulty.

I don't know where this proves to be the case for you, but keep at it. It's bound to feel awful and uncomfortable of course, but so does any treatment. In time, hopefully sooner than later, you will find that it becomes a little easier, to something you can tolerate. :D
i feel the same except im like this with friends and family-im ok with strangers because they dont know me-i just dread thethought of bumping into peoplei know
 
S

Soren

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Aug 16, 2009
Messages
91
Location
uk
peace, your situation is so familiar to me. its truly horrible. try to make your dad understand if you can (i know, if it was that easy....but he might do).

any harshness from your family just makes everything miles worse, so if they get too heavy handed and unsupportive, don't be too afraid of telling them to f*****f. how i love my own personal judge and jury. good luck.
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
I hope peace that you can find some support here which it soundslike you can from allyour replys take care and I hope that things workout foryou all the best JD:hug::flowers:
 
D

dlzoidberg

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Sep 1, 2009
Messages
2,782
I understand how you feel so much. I have had only four friends in my life, and I am now 34. The friend I have now is my first in nine years, and only because we both live in the same shared house.
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
lack of trust and my paranoia effects me greatly. i dont trust easily and then get paranoid about what i have shared and how it could be used against me.

i have a circle of friends that has built over the last 6 years, ive cut off afew of them, as the friendships sent me paranoid and to stop that i need to remove them, though it still doesnt stop me from thinking im still the topic of their conversations 3 years later (oops)

im ok with strangers and can talk for a short bit with them, but people i know are different. i can have a ok conversation and then hear one thing that will make me question everything about the person and their motives towards me, as the fear grows the aggression is directed.

i hold on to things and feel the emotion 10 fold. i have a memory for remembering everything someone says so i can catch them out on a lie. if they lie they are removed.

hmm, not writing all the stuff i feel and do when it comes to people, think thats bad enough!

i hate being this way :cry:
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
I have had to have the i pod on for two days because I just cannot cope with all the voices that are telling me things that simply are not true,if I had believed all that was in my head yesterday Imightof wanted to get a gun, but I have tried to dismiss it all even to day I'm fighting it. luckily I can tolerate the music though its still hard because its just the worst kinda cruelparanoia that I just dontwantor need in my life,gosh agness has just comeon "release me" Ilove this tune time to turn up the volume ....................................:rofl2:
 
A

Anastassia Florine

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Joined
Jun 15, 2009
Messages
30
Hi, Peace! You're like me; all my friends used to be either at least 3 years older or at least 3 years younger than me. Maybe it would still be like that but maybe not; I think I was just with the wrong people my age before. But since then I have met a lot of really cool people my age. But my bf is still almost 11 years older than me.


Man, I don't envy your situation... my parents never pushed me like that, though they were a little resentful of me using them and not seeming to be grateful.
 
S

shywolf

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Oct 17, 2009
Messages
51
Location
hamilton scotland
i have never had any friends i have always been a loner into things like wrestling and power metal bands that arent in the charts and no ones heard of never been interested in drink or drugs just playing computer games and living in my own shell its just i aint met any body thats like me so nobody likes me:unsure:
 
L

Lost.Boy

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Joined
Oct 16, 2009
Messages
37
Location
East Anglia
I'm in a similar boat but am lucky to have lots of friends, I just most of the time at least find it hard to beleive they really care about me and are only friends with me cos they want something. I am near enough useless at making new mates though, pretty much everyone I know i've met through mutual friends.

I haven't worked in years and god knows when I'll be able to next, even volunteer work with a mental health charity went wrong for me cos of social anxiety :mad: I'd be fine if I could find something that meant I didn't have to talk to strangers. Or people for that matter. It's all down to the fact that all it would take is one person to say something to me that upsets me and I can't handle it. All jobs i've ever had have ended with me off sick until I end up signed on sick again due to the stress. I'm just so weak :(

Us humans are built to socialise but frankly i've always felt happier isolated, which is ironic cos being isolated makes me unhappy.

Don't you love mental illness :rolleyes:
 
M

messed-up

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Oct 19, 2009
Messages
83
Location
northern ireland
I can totally relate to this, I'm fine with strangers, but not peolple I'm close to can't figure that out.
I have 2 close friends (who I met through my 4 year old daughter), and the other day 1 of them sent a msg to the other, she sent it to me instead. There was a bit in it about me and it wasn't good, not really bad either.
I cried for 6 hrs and the paranoia is back worse than ever, I think I'm going mad and am probably over reacting about the whole thing, my mood swings have got out of control, what the hell is wrong with me.
 
A

Anastassia Florine

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Joined
Jun 15, 2009
Messages
30
I identify with you guys, and Messed-up, I also hate reading things from one person to another about me that aren't good. Even if they aren't bad either. But usually with me they're pretty bad things they're saying. Even though I would lose it, just to a lesser extent, if the things were not so bad, and some things that a normal person would find not so bad I find simply horrid and horrible and horrifying, because my values are different and I happen to value something they're putting down. :)
 
L

Lost.Boy

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Oct 16, 2009
Messages
37
Location
East Anglia
There was a bit in it about me and it wasn't good, not really bad either.
I cried for 6 hrs and the paranoia is back worse than ever, I think I'm going mad and am probably over reacting about the whole thing, my mood swings have got out of control, what the hell is wrong with me.
Kind of happened to me with a not very helpful psychologist I was once seeing. I missed 2 appointments in a row then the next week the car broke down in the morning and I called to say i'd make it if the car was repaired by then (I live quite far away from the hospital).

A few weeks later I was left in my doctors room for 5 mins with my files on the computer and on the screen I read part of a letter she had written to him saying I "had a haphazard approach to appointments" and that I booked my car into the garage and that's why I didn't turn up that week, even though the missed apps were all missed for good reason which I had explained.

It made me feel s**t and even now thinking about it upsets me that I was called a liar by someone I was expected to trust to help me get better. Since then (along with other negative experiences) i've lost nearly all trust in anyone I meet in the healhcare profession and only trust once i've got to know them properly over the course of months, not the weeks i'm usually given.
 
E

edmonmom

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Joined
Oct 28, 2009
Messages
8
Hi, you sound like my nephew. Do you have a disorder that impairs you?
Bipolar runs in my family and he too does the same as you. I doubt however, that he knows what is going on. Or if he does, it's terribly frightening to admit to having it.
Have you spoken to your doctor about this? You can get some meds that will help you get out a bit.Perhaps to a support group of people who are the same as you and wish to have friends too.
 
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