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I hate myself for hating myself.

Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2015
Messages
3,489
Location
USA
I've been having a lot of negative thoughts lately and i just wish i could stop thinking them. Im close to SH and have been fantasizing about various methods as you do. I thought i had recovered beyond harmful actions. FML
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Former member
I hate myself too. I need to work on my self esteem. I hope you don't self harm. :hug:
 
H

Hope2Help2018

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2018
Messages
3
I'm sorry to hear that you are having those thoughts. There are days when I do not like myself either. I think I am fat, old, and how could anyone want/love me. However, I have found that I need to love myself first before others will love me too. Each one of us is made with different gifts and talents. What is one of your hobbies or things that you like to do? You are important and have a great plan to fulfill in your life. Do you have a good support system that you can talk to? Local church family, Pastor, Counselor? extended family or friends who can walk through this journey with you?

You are worth soooooooo much more!!! I do not know if you believe in God or not.. but, I do know that I have only made it this far in my life because of His help in getting me through all of my challenges?

Please focus on the positive! You are smart and strong as you have reached out and that is a great thing!! Hugs to you today!
 
M

MrQuartzy

Former member
Hey there, First of all I'd just like to say SH has been known to release some anger inside, or deep emotional pain - But is it worth it ? Personally, I never got anything from it. Now, All the negativity you explain - I get too. I get so twisted in my own mind, I'll lay in a ball and almost cry. I harm myself physically because I just want my mind to stop - I've even tried lots of things. Nothing works. We're human beings, living in a world we're not meant to be. We're not meant to be living the way we do and modern life just causes so many issues on mental health and physical health too. But don't worry, besides all of that, you can still cope and live a happy and healthy life.

One of many ways I find happiness is by letting my creativity flow - Any good at painting, then pain. Writing ? Write till your hearts content and so on. It doesn't have to be special, or good, or famous but as long as it's yours. You can sit back and say, I made that and from my own perspective. Meditation alongside letting your creativity flow can really start to let your mind keep itself occupied - whilst being therapeutic. Deep meditation can really help, honestly I've done it before. Also, spending time with family, or friends and even animals - are all ways you can really begin to heal and see life for what it really is - it's amazing and we don't realise it.

In the event that these don't work, you can try some natural remedies. (I'm not sure if this is allowed on here, sorry if it isn't) but Wild Dagga, Klip Dagga or the Leonurus Sibiricus plant (Marihuanilla, commonly nicknamed that for its similarities) are all from the same genus of plant - Smoked, vaped and drank for its soothing, relaxing, euphoric effects. It's non-addictive, has no physical toxicity - If you'd like someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to drop me a message.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
T

tartenbach

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2018
Messages
4
Totally spot on!

What everybody said up there!

I know it's all very well taking advice etc etc etc. If you're that far in the doldrums, pick one thing to do that day and do it. And be proud that despite everything, you managed to do that one simple thing when all you really wanted to do was shut the curtains and check out. Just that one thing, then maybe the next day do two little things. etc. Oh, and throw the 'tools' out!! x
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2015
Messages
3,489
Location
USA
Sorry for the tardiness of my reply. I can't seem to be bothered to do anything but drink. I haven't been eating. Still having the same thoughts. It's crazy, i finally got my disability check and now i have the money i need to do things like to travel or to go to amusement parks etc but all i seem to want to do is just lay around. Im going to try and goo look at a car today as there is no public transportation where i live now so even going for a pack of smokes or an energy drink would be about a 3 hour+ walk. So I'm sort of stuck. I did have someone i could talk to but i think she's too busy to care anymore. Sorry for rambling. Idk. I just feel like i shouldn't be here anymore.
 
H

Hope2Help2018

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2018
Messages
3
Just checking in to see how you are doing? Did you find a car? Is there a local church close to where you are that offers different classes that you may be able to meet various people who will be able to help you. There is a program that I have seen advertised all over called "Celebrate Recovery" it is a program that deals with all kinds of situations. This may be a good program for you to look into.

Cherish each day that you have. Try to find one new thing positive every day. Volunteer and try to help others. Make something. Try knitting, crafts, tie blankets that you can donate to Children's Hospital or Teen Mom programs. There are a lot of hurting people out there and I know you are one of them. Help someone else. It has always helped me.

Thinking of you today!
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2015
Messages
3,489
Location
USA
Thanks for the reply. I found a vehicle but didn't but it. It seemed a bad deal as it was high mileage and for other reasons. I used to attend a substance abuse group in another city. But now as I am not their client I can no longer attend. There is my local MHCT group but I have to many needy "friends" in that group to return. I'm not religious so I don't attend AA nor would I attend a church group. They all want to preach to you. I had enough "fire and brimstone" preaching growing up to last 9 lifetimes. So I won't attend a religious group. Things are a little better lately. I'm going to try and focus on my world travels goal. I have a half assed itinerary for things I wanna see in the US and Europe.
 
H

Hope2Help2018

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2018
Messages
3
Glad to hear that things are a little better and that you have decided to focus on your world travels. Those are all positive things!!!

I hear you are on the fire & brimstone enough to last 9 life times. Sometimes it seems a lot to be preached at instead of taught. Or learning about a relationship with Christ, versus legalism within the church. Church was forced on me while I was growing up. Sometimes it is hard to see your way back.

Still in the tough times, I tend to look up.

Keep looking for that local group that you can join and meet new friends who are not so needy, but you can share & learn from.

Keep having a little better day every day!
 
M

Misssad1111

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 14, 2021
Messages
946
Location
Miserable
No truer words have been spoken: I hate myself for hating myself, I really do.
 

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