As do I. Given up on medication, doctors refuse to change what clearly isn't working. I don't want to die, but can't help feeling I deserve punishment and self harm.
Sorry to hear about your depression. I’m in the same boat a lot of the time where I just don’t want to be alive anymore. All I can say is hang in there because it usually does get a little better. You deserve to be happy.
Hope you're are ok?? We don't know each other but that doesn't mean we can't care. We are obviously on this site for a reason. I don't want you to feel like you are alone. So if you ever feel like you want to talk, rant or whatever then message me and I will appear. Stay safe.
If you feel you can't talk now then that's ok, there's no rush. Post here or you can message me whenever you feel the need to talk. It doesn't have to make sense, depression, self harm or suicidal thoughts never do. But that doesn't matter, I'm still here to listen and help whenever you need it.