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I Hate My Family

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redfountain99

New member
Joined
Mar 11, 2018
Messages
3
Honestly, I’m not sure what I’m looking for in writing here. Maybe just anyone to tell me I’m justified in how I feel, or any kind of commentary or analysis on why I am the way I am would be fine.

So, where do I start? I hate my family. Always had a dysfunctional home. My Dad’s an alcoholic and last night he got really drunk and there was an emergency situation where I had to take my Mum to hospital and he was really in my face, talking over me, etc. when I was trying to deal with the situation. I yelled at him. He lost his shit completely and started screaming, grabbing and pushing me around, raised a fist to punch me (but didnt). He’s just a bad father. He’s alright when he’s sober. Still not great, but alright. He doesnt talk to me much but depends on me for some things.

My Mum’s always been really ill. For over 10 years. Her problems cause me a lot of stress. I love her but I admittedly dont like being around her. What makes me feel guilty is how much I snap at her, when she’s always so nice and overly-kind. But what frustrates me is her bipolar attitude, she’s always so bubbly and laughy... then when you do something to piss her off she goes quiet or plays this huge victim card or can say some hurtful stuff to spite you. She’s also very jealous and you can read behind her words and actions, like theres always a secret agenda. I guess what puts me off her is how fake her overly-kind attitude really is. She wants to be seen as a saint or someone who does no wrong, is pure in deed and actions etc. But she’s not. And I think this is why I snap at her all the time. In fact, I choose not to converse with her much so to prevent me from snapping. I dont particularly enjoy being moody with her.

I have an older brother who used to beat me as a kid. I held a lot of resentment to him for a long time. Also because of a good few possible covert sexual abuse experiences which fucked with my head for a long, long time. He stopped when I was maybe around 16 with the violence.

Many years later, we’re still this dysfunctional family who tries to get by. My brother apologised many years ago. We just pushed everything under the rug. But in my head, I want to leave all of them and not have to speak to them again. I have a lot of fantasies where I just change my name, leave and never keep contact. My family life has always been the number ONE source of stress in my life. And I placed a lot of the blame on them for my lack of self confidence, my lack of success in education, a career etc. I’m struggling to get on my feet and I dont know what to do.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Hi redfountain. I can relate to you. My dysfunctional family set me up to be a helpless person terrified of getting a job and dealing with other people. Somehow I managed to get to the point where I forgave them all for the roles they played in my programming. They were just the hapless recipients of dysfunction in their own childhoods. And so it has been passed down from generation to generation.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Speaking of taking a time out from family dysfunction, I didn't talk to my family for 20 years. In that time my mother became very old and became a nicer person. We were friendly for a couple years before she died. She even apologized to me for being so harsh when I was a child.

I have had to stop contact with my sister as she engages in patterns that hurt me very much. I had to block her from my email, etc. I "lost" her phone number. I tend to forget how sick her verbal abuse makes me and the pattern is I keep looking for understanding from the family member who is never going to understand me. It's particularly unhealthy because she is alternately condescending and then super sweet. YUK.

I don't have time in my life for the drama. I have wonderful friends who are always nice to me and never emotionally devastate me.
 
M

Mexis

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
294
I hate my family too. They don't understand it but I do. My brother is annoying as hell. He doesn't care about anyone else; he'll do anything he wants as long as he's not physically hurting anyone. My father can hold offensive inappropriate opinions and screams a lot during hockey games. He focuses on the negatives during sports events rather than the positives. There's mostly negative talk going on in my family. And we don't get along well together because we're all different personalities. I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like this. The first thing I want to do after getting rid of my mental health issues is to get away from my family. I'm too tired of having to deal with them.
 
F

Flameheart

Guest
i hate my family too

my mum is emotionally abusive, overly controlling and has also been physically abusive towards me, never towards my brother though cos hes the perfect child and shit of course :rolleyes:

my dad has been to prison 4 times for being a pedo and also being abusive towards me, but none of his sentences lasted a year cos our system sucks

and none of my extended family get along either

so i guess we all have our own fucked up families :LOL:
 
E

elanka

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2018
Messages
19
Location
Scandinavia
I used to hate my family and be super anxious of meeting them even once a year in a family gathering. So I definitely can relate.

My "close" family is a bunch of personality disorders and mental health issues wrapped with violence and substance abuse. Father is dead due to alcoholism, mother is nowadays totally unreachable in her bubble (physically, intellectually, emotionally. At least she had her temper before, now not even that). Brother has had issues since childhood and a lot of substance abuse. He has threatened to kill me so many times and tried a couple of times (I don't remember but two, he says more times) when he was little. Grandma is a textbook narcissist, she would stab you and then "care" for you to make herself look angelic. The more distant family has abandoned us a long time ago, but most of them have issues too. And so do I, apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

For the longest time I tried to see at least something good in my family members, because I want to believe no person is totally rotten. However, I was able to do that only when I took distance to them. And kept the distance for years. Now I just see them as the sorry little dysfunctional people as they are with their own problems. I don't really hate them anymore (although seeing my grandma wakes up the hate again), but there's definitely no love there either.
 
L

Lowkeycraycray

Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2018
Messages
9
Perhaps it’s an odd reply but...

I think you’d be well served to do some reading on life opportunities versus outcomes. It won’t fix anything that’s actually wrong - by all accounts your family does seem to suck - but it might give you perspective into what your life chances realistically are for achievement and when to know you went further than expected or to not blame yourself for failure.

Usually shows up in sociological studies of racial and financial inequalities - but the simplified version is that if your situation isn’t X then getting Y is pretty much impossible, or at the very least highly unlikely. It’s not a personal failing on your part when it doesn’t pan out. And you might not even be aware of what actually makes a difference aside from what you perceive. You might find areas where it is something you could control - and be moved to take responsibility and change things.

So.. your family does suck and your situation does limit things to an extent. But knowing realistically what is and isn’t beyond your control is a starting point to out gaming the system to get yourself the best outcome.
 
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