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I hate my disability and don't know how to stop.

L

Lizzy0702

New member
Joined
May 23, 2019
Messages
1
Location
england
I wasn't sure where to post this, but I guess this is the best place.

I was diagnosed with CMT (otherwise known as HMSN) when I was 5 years old, for the first 2 years or so I never really felt any different. I felt like any other kid. Until I began being bullied for my condition, they would call me deformed, throw rocks at me, and kick me to the ground until I bled. It was then that my father pulled me out of school, hoping to get away from it. However unbeknownst to him, my step-mother who we lived with was very violent, both physically and mentally, and everything only got worse after becoming home-schooled.
My step-mother spent years saying I was worthless, pathetic, and disgusting. She refused to even call me by my name, instead she'd sling whatever insult she could at me and I had no choice but to respond. She began getting more violent whenever my father wasn't around, she'd grab my arm until it bruised, push me down the stairs, strangle me until I was close to passing out, and many other things. But she would claim that it was okay because I'm "crippled" and "disgusting" she told me I deserved it, and I began believing her.

Even though I moved out of her house last year, I still hate my disability so much. I want to be normal, I want to be able to do things the way others do, I want to be able to run, and to dance, and to use stairs without having to hold onto the rail. I want to be able to do simple normal things, that others do without a second thought.
I'm only 18 years old, I don't want to hate myself as much as I do. I don't want to cry every time I think about all the things I'm unable to because of this disability. I don't want to still think that everything my step-mother said was true, I don't want to remember when she told me that I should kill myself, and to still consider doing it.

What do I do?
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
6,615
Please don't hate yourself because someone told you you are crap. I grew up in a household with a mother and step father who were psychologically and physically abusive and felt like crap for years wich started me using street drugs as self medication which led me into crime and eventually gave me schizophrenia. Like everyone else you are a unique individual with something to offer to the world. It took a combination of meds and meditation to make me realise i'm not a piece of crap. Please don't punish yourself, disbaility is a lot more accepted these days, you are worth something.
 
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