I had everything written down ready

[JETBOY]

The phychartrist ask how i was feeling ,i told him all the things i had
written down ,so he may understand me better ,and i could get more
help as i was being more open ,he listened intently and then looked at his
notes ,he replied by saying we had tryed all avenues of medication and
c,b,t etc ,and unfortunatly he could not offer anything else only his
support in times of crisis,,i cryed openly as i left ,,im devastated and feel
adrift in this dead sea ,drifting towards the dark horizon ,exiled from the human race ,and the world that has mocked me all through my life
i have never felt such abandoned and dreadfully alone ,,JETBOY

 

[KP1]

Jetboy that is truely shocking. I would ask for a second opinion. There are lots of different types of therapy and unless you have tried them all for a long long time he shuldn't give up now.

 

[jimmy65]

Don't give ip Jetboy. Your comments yesterday really helped me.

Keep Faith

Jimmy

 

[JETBOY]

not givin up jimmy ,im givin in

Im just going to lay here now ,and drift on this raft i call my life
floating on this dark dead sea ,the serpents show themselves just now and then
like sharks waiting for a tired limb to fall into the water ,then thrusting forward
to take down there weary victim ,but you know i think i,ll just gently lower myself
into the dark abyss,why prolong the wait .The visitor stands and looks down on me.
Maybe if i hold out my hand it would embrace me ,just to be held and understood even
by this cold sentinal maybe i would feel some warmth from the only thing in this
world that understands my pain ,it does know this that i do know ,
And i really thought if i could
write down how i really felt ,the phychartrist would have helped me ,and now i cant cope
with todays rejection ,i dont say this lightly but i really have never felt so baron
and desolate,im sorry but i think i,ll take that swim now !...........JETBOY

 

[TOONAFISH]

hi jetboy

have never spoken to you before i dont think. please keep talking! dont do anything silly.

here if you want to talk?

 

[iffybob]

Hi

Ok , I cant remeber what you diagnosis is......

For me I have PD and some other stuff, for which there are no meds, thats just it, at times I get antidepressents, and sleepers, it not a good idea to use them all the time, cos you get used to them, or they stop working, and so they dont help when you realy need them to, the rest of the time you should have been toaught coping stratagys, and been given contact number for crisis team.

Use them, dont second guess yourself, if you feel you need them, call the number .......

If you need futher theropy in future then just go to your GP and ask for it.

I am sorry but for some of us that is the way it goes.... meds dont solve every thing........

I hope this is some comfort ... if not much .... boB .....

 

[JETBOY]

thanks

thanks for your kind comments and warm words ,i cannot feel them to we,ll just now the visitor has me in its grip ,and the demons will take me soon
,i may be adrift and hurting ,but i wont hurt myself ,
thanks jetboy

 

[TOONAFISH]

jetboy

hang in there, it is a horrible feeling but it wont last forever. keep yourself safe

 

[Scared with BPD]

Please, Please hang in there ...

Toonafish,

I know that it feels like the only or greatest option at the moment, but please, please, listen to an old lady who has been at your point of conflict and has come through the other side.

I have suffered the indignity of having a tube manually shoved down my oesphoegus to remove tablets, I have also had the carbon breakfast many times. Please listen to me, nothing and I absolutely mean nothing, is worth closing the door on life.

I logically had it in my reportoire from being about 17 years old, but the first time I did it was seven years later and I can tell you I felt incredibly guilty, horrible and that I was punishing the people that loved me.

Please don't take this the wrong way, because I promise you I have felt a lot of pain in my life, but, ending your life isn't the way out that you deserve - if you are totally down and need someone to talk to - please contact me.

Don't ever sell yourself short - I believe in fate (mock all you want) and you are here for a reason!

Take care and don't ever let the tabloid press tell you how life is

Much love
Claire xxx

 

[JETBOY]

Hi jimmy65

dont worry jimmy65 ill be ok after some sleep ,,thanks JETBOY

 

[JETBOY]

Sink into the abyss

ive been in the sea of darkness for more than 12 hours now ,and the thing that kept me afloat has now vanished into the horizon ,these dark
waters are cold and consuming ,i feel the serpents brush against my skin
as they circle and taunt me ,i have breathed in this filth ,that life has given me for so long ,how many times have i tryed to make a stand ,and
each time ,ive been turned away ,well i wont hold out my hands anymore
they are sore from being bitten ,and i wont tread water anymore either
in this sea of darkness ,i refuse to let my misery foul your lives any more
so now i will be still ,and the waves will cover my face as i close my eyes
so as not to see the creatures that await me as i drift into this dark abyss
that has become my life slowly but silently ,sorry,,,,,,JETBOY

 

[jimmy65]

Please don't do anything stupid.

Your family need you.

 

[JETBOY]

dont worry jimmy

your a good person jimmy ,it will carry you far ,i wont hurt myself ,but i have to say how im feeling ,it does sound a bit dark sometimes i know ,i dont do it
on purpose ,its the way it feels inside me ,,,,thankyou if i hurt myself who
would keep an eye on you !,,,,,,,JETBOY

 

[*Sapphire*]

Try to hold on JETBOY, I know how you must be feeling, what a terrible thing for him to say.

I was told the same thing many years ago by a psyche, I felt like he was giving me a life sentence. But he was wrong and KP1 is right, they have no authority to make such a sweeping statement.

Just because he can't help you with his limited knowledge doesn't make you helpless, there are other avenues you can try first.

 

[JETBOY]

Its ok i need to talk ,

HEY THERE sapphire77 its fine ,the way i write things are dark i know ,but im
in control dont worry ,im just letting it out ,the words i write come from deep
inside ,were the darkness and demons live ,the very place were my soul is kept prisoner ,i feel these words ,there not just spat out ,they are born from
the very pain thats seeks to destroy me ,my life is in the hands of my family
nether i or the dark can take it from them ,,,bless you dear freind ,,,JETBOY