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I had a mental breakdown. Because of my past

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Ravenv12

Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Georgia
I had a mental breakdown because of my past this last Friday I got drunk something I don't do a lot of. And I was married and I was with the same woman for a long time she used to abuse me. So I've been dating this one girl for about a year. She's never once hit me I love her. I kept asking to quit getting hit over and over and that I was being abused I don't remember the night but she's never put her hands on me so I must have been talking about my ex-wife. I do have this problem when someone tries to touch my face and she noticed it long time ago I flinch and I'm used to someone hitting me I've been divorced since 2016. And I really don't know what to do. I really thought I found the one. She has been wonderful to me but she said if I do it once I'll do it again. And she's talking about the drinking. And everything else I guess she has her own pass and I've always looked past it because I thought that's what you're supposed to do when you're with someone. I was so scared that night when I was in the car and she was driving. But I'm not scared of her she's never done anything to hurt me. And I did not put my hands on her or anything. I do get angry sometimes and upset I'm not perfect. In the last year since we've been together she's got drunk once and I got drunk last Friday we've had a few drinks here and there but neither one of us has ever got drunk. My ex-wife about 2 weeks ago now did email me she told me I was worthless and that I was garbage and that I was a failure and I'm always going to be that. And quite a few other things. I don't know why I did what I did.
 
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Nukelavee

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Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,202
Location
London, ON
I'm going to say you need to talk to somebody about the abuse you've suffered, and the after effects. You need to learn how to untangle your reactions.

I can sort of understand how your past is currently affecting you - I've gone through enough abuse that any kind of intimate contact, no matter how minor, makes me dissociate. It kinda ruins any chance for a healthy relationship.
 
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Purpleplum

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Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
961
Location
U.S.
I would block your ex-wife.

It's best to recover or be in treatment for abuse, depression, etc.. before entering relationships. Relationships combined with those other things are hard to deal with at once.
 
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Ravenv12

Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Georgia
Well I did have help after my divorce. For about a year. I have reached out to the mental health here where I live. I've never had anything happen like this I know drinking isn't a good thing and I know drinking can cause a lot of issues. I'm usually very good at coping. I even had a psychic valve earlier this year for surgery that never happened because of covid-19 I passed it the only thing she recommend for me to do is probably to get back in a canceling. And everything's weird right now because the covid-19. Everything is over the phone. She has her own problems but I've always tried to forgive her. I've always been told if you love someone that's what you do. And I've been there for her when she and I wasn't together. I'm guessing that I should have went back earlier this year and talked to someone for the issues that I do have. When I went to the doctors they asked me what happened to my leg and I told them it was pretty embarrassing and they said that I probably have a form of PTSD I've actually never been told that I've always just been told that I got some problems because of the fact of what has happened to me with my ex-wife. I knew that sometimes I would flinch and be scared that someone's going to hit me when they're not but I've never lashed out I've never said it I never acted on it other than closing my eyes and flinching. I feel like a piece of s*** for what I did. Friday night.
 
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Ravenv12

Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Georgia
I would block your ex-wife.

It's best to recover or be in treatment for abuse, depression, etc.. before entering relationships. Relationships combined with those other things are hard to deal with at once.
And yes I did block my ex-wife by email that's the only way we had communications still open and we haven't talked in a long time.
 
firestorm

firestorm

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 14, 2013
Messages
200
Location
Johannesburg, South Africa
I was abused as a child. It was physical, emotional and neglect by both parents as well as my brother. It is too embarrassing for me to do so. My psychiatrist seems to suspect something of the sort but I just claim to not remember most of me childhood.

It plays a significant role in the treatment of my BD.

I agree with the others, you need to speak to someone, preferably a professional. It is going to affect you life until you have dealt with it and leave it behind.

Love and a big hug.
 
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Ravenv12

Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Georgia
Hi Raven,

How are you? Have things quietened down a bit for you. I hope so.

Thinking about you
Storm
I'm okay. But trying to get into counseling right now with the covenant 19 is a joke. And I'm more pissed at myself than anything because I brought her into my family and she inserted herself into our family.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,155
Location
Nashua NH
I don’t think it’s fair for your girlfriend to have gotten mad at you for having gotten drunk for one day. You clearly have a lot that you are dealing with and were probably looking for some escape. I do think that your ex wife contacting you is a trigger
for you and that blocking her is the right thing to do. You need to give this new relationship every opportunity to flourish with out her input. I agree with others that therapy would be a good choice for you to help give you support in working through the abuse you experienced with your ex wife and learning to feel safe and secure in who and where you are now. I hope that this is helpful. xo, j
 
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Ravenv12

Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Georgia
I don’t think it’s fair for your girlfriend to have gotten mad at you for having gotten drunk for one day. You clearly have a lot that you are dealing with and were probably looking for some escape. I do think that your ex wife contacting you is a trigger
for you and that blocking her is the right thing to do. You need to give this new relationship every opportunity to flourish with out her input. I agree with others that therapy would be a good choice for you to help give you support in working through the abuse you experienced with your ex wife and learning to feel safe and secure in who and where you are now. I hope that this is helpful. xo, j

I pm you
 
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