I get these suicidal thoughts all the time

[Ambi]

I hate every person and every thing around me. I have a loving family mostbeautiful kids but i just cant bear them . i get frustrated by their constant care and contant want of attention .. I want to leave them and run away. I keep hurting them shouting at them.. I am just becoming horrible day after day.i think about ending my life so that they dont suffer.

I am depressed every now and then. I feel like a loser. Like i have no brain or brawn. I get hurt very easily when people dont treat me the way i expect them to. Live in a joint family . feel my mother in law is always making fun of me. Always making pointa at me as to what kind of poor mother and wife i am.

Dont have any friends. I fear getting hurt and therefore dont let any one get close nor do i trust anybody with my secrets or feelingsl

Kindly help

 

[Urban Hermit]

Are you getting any professional advice and support?.

 

[Ambi]

No
I am not in denial . i know i am depressed. I ha e been dealing with it since my teens. I used to cry and self-harm several times but just couldnt go beyond. I asked my mum she ignored it. My husband also says that you are fine and dont need any doctor. Talk to me. But when i talk to him he just worsens my condition.

 

[Ambi]

I need a friend who listens to me. My husband loves me but he is too judgemental. When i tell him i cant deal with kids, he saya every mother does you can too. When i say i am afraid of my delivery he says, stop worrying all women give birth you wont die o body dies. He supported me and took me to every test interview but i keep failing. Now when he finds me searching for a job he says ' just look after the kids it is all u can do. Forget job or career u are nevergoing to be successful . stop wasting time . accept your destiny that u r going to be a house wife just.

Even with kids he keeps on complaining that it is u who is dealing with them inappropriately. Be polite. Be caring.

 

[Ambi]

I didnt have a healthy relationship with my sister. She was a year older than me and always used harsh stuff about me. Like ' look at you skin so spotty, you cant even do your makeup properly, you have no dressing sense . i short i never felt good about myself.


Then.. Something terrible happened.

 

[Ambi]

I just want to be happy. Right now my life js perfect . i have good in laws loving sincere husband beautiful healthy kids.

I sometimes think that " what is it that u want ? You have everything.

Tried connecting with Allah . i pray regularly but i failed there too the promise of heaven n all isnt helping. I cant deal with life.

I just wanna die

 

[Mayflower7]

Hi Ambi,
I'm so sorry your struggling.


If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.

 

[Ambi]

I just need to talk to someone who understands me and tells me that things would get better. That i am good enough. I am a good mother i am a good wife i am a good daughter a good human being

 

[Ambi]

Can i just chat with someone who is going through the same????

 

[Mayflower7]

Hi Ambi,
Yes you can chat with us, please do.
You do need professional help as well i.e. Seeing your dr etc.
I hope you feel better very soon.

 

[bpd2020]

Hello Ambi. I am so sorry for the way you are feeling. It sounds like you have been depressed for a long time and tried to get help from loved ones but they have dismissed you. It is very difficult when we struggle and the people in our life do not understand. Is it possible to see a doctor there? I understand that you want people who understand and you will find that here but only a doctor can help with your suicidal feelings.

 

[Ambi]

There are psychologists here but it is kind of a taboo to go to a doc for your mental issues

 

[Ambi]

In these covid days i am trying to find some one online maybe who can counsel me for a fee . so farno success

 

[bpd2020]

Do you feel you could speak to one of the psychologists? I know it is difficult if it is taboo

 

[bpd2020]

I found this. I do not know if it will be helpful.

https://onlinecounselling.io/country/pakistan