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I found out that my best friend who supported me through everything has done terrible things and faked her pregnancies... and everything. What do I do

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Offmychestnow

New member
Joined
Jan 18, 2021
Messages
1
Location
California
TRIGGER FOR PHYSICAL ABUSE, SEX, DECEPTION


I feel like I need to get this off my chest but I also kind of need advice for handling it. I really love her and I wouldn't want to leave her. If there's a way I can help her, she really deserves it. She never struck me as the type of person to do something like this or even have mental problems that would bring her to do something like this. Now it's really really messing with me and I'll need help getting through it. Even seeing things about pregnancy or best friends triggers the hell out of me... I can't even go to work and trust people or talk to anyone who we saw at school or look at memes.... I have live with no friends or no one to talk to but now there's no trust. If this counts as a catfish, then I got catfished in real life.

She's literally the only family I've had besides for my boyfriend.. We met through a big mix of friends who were at the breakfast and lunch table. I'm a few years younger than her though she was in high school with me for 3 years because she would miss a lot of school and get held back due to her own family problems. Back then 3 years was a long long time, just because I was going through so much, constantly getting kicked out of my moms or dealing with her drunk boyfriend and moved in and out of the foster home because of physical abuse and things like that. She was there through everything. She was my role model, my hero like a mom to me, literally like a god. She would always bring food to school help with my medical problems and give very genuine consider advice. Never judge me for anything no matter how big of a nerd I was. She's literally my big sister. Even after she graduated and moved away, she still supports me online 6 years since we first met. She became my sister, but as lot of times she was actually like my mom and I called her mom and it felt so special and genuine and she would hold me just like you imagine a mom would....

The thing was, back in high school about a year after we met, she started talking more and more about a best friend. (I never met this best friend but of course through genuine daily conversation, I just didn't have reason to question his existence. ) He eventually became so important she was talking about dating him and she has a lot of pictures of them, and he and I would talk online in a meme group with her and other people at school. Cool enough. I never went anywhere and this is a really big city with many schools, and she was popular with so many people, so I really didn't question anything as long as she was happy and safe. Eventually that conversation gradually turned into them being in love. I was happy for them but a shit ton of stuff was happening for me and I was going through a lot with my mom's boyfriend. Her support still came in and both of them would send me money and things, so he became like family to me too. She helped me through my first sexual experiences, a pregnancy scare, my mom's boyfriend's abuse, me losing my little brother, everything. He was also by my side. When my boyfriend hit me and blackmailed me and I got suicidal, she was EVERYTHING, she'd come over at 3 in the morning if I needed it.

Her senior year came along. She was definitely going to be graduating that year and she also had some plans for college. I was a junior and I was kind of sad but I was already coming to terms with the senior thing and I knew she would still have my back. I knew her boyfriend would have my back too, especially when she revealed that he proposed to her and they were engaged. This was my first positive exposure to marriage with science for all my fantasies, so I can't explain how excited I was for them. January rolled around and before Christmas break ended, she stopped by to bring me some presents, and told me something that made me super super super happy-- she was almost a month pregnant! Everyone at school eventually knew about this within the first few months and she was so proud about it, of course I have no reason to doubt it. She would tell me all about her pregnancy and all this cool stuff about her life, both of us ended up making some new friends, and whenever her boyfriend was working a lot shall I would have movie nights and things like that. As her belly grew, we would go baby shopping like sisters and eventually I forced her to let me buy her some baby clothes as a present using one of my compensation checks. Same with food, eventually she caved in. She was now out of contact with her family and starting a new one and she was getting her life completely on and all she had to do was graduate, I was very very proud of her. She had all these amazing ultrasounds and it was all so beautiful, she gained a little weight but carried it very well. She caved in and eventually let our mutual friend give her massages and feed her and everything.

Graduation came. She was six months along. She got me my support kitty, who I still have and live to death and even named after an inside joke. For whatever reason, she ended up not attending graduation. No big deal even though it was a lot of money and time spent planning for me to get myself and a few other friends there. I knew she'd graduated and I just assumed she wasn't feeling well. But not only did she disappear from graduation, she basically fell off the face of the Earth physically. I never saw her anywhere around or her to literally anything about her from anyone else, even though she never change her City on Facebook which she's very active on and even listed online jobs. Her only existence was on my screen and she would answer maybe a few times a week, sometimes every day, sometimes not at all. Though she always tells me that she loves me and she is very very supportive and I always have what I need. Eventually in the Summer she did have her baby and nobody even knew about it until she posted online, which I understand because she's had a lot of problems with her family and did have problems with a few people at school. She can have stopped posting on Facebook for a while, posting maybe once a month and stopped using her other social media. She's only had maybe five pictures of her baby, even in private messaging.

About a year-and-a-half later, the fall after I graduated, life really wasn't going well for me. The only thing I had to look forward to was her revealing that she was pregnant again! She just found out that she was almost 3 months and everything was going very well for her. Needless to say, no post on Facebook, the birth of this baby was the same exact same as last time. Since this one was a girl in fact, she would be named after me! The middle name would be the nickname that she gave me and I practically graduated my role as her baby girl and let it go to a second child who I knew would have an amazing parent.

They started coming in regular contact with me almost everyday since their kids were one and two and she was a stay-at-home mom. Constant support, constant good advice and comfort, 3 a.m. phone calls whenever I need it, food whenever I need it even though it's sparingly, her giving me a ride to work when I need it. Now that I look back on it, should have two babies sleeping in the car with blankets over the seats, and of course I would listen like a small bean and I wouldn't have any reason to doubt her or make her parenting difficult.

All that being said, am I allowed to see the babies when awake? No. None of our friends are. There's always some kind of excuse despite her being a stay-at-home mom. Do you know why? Tuesday evening, I was on Facebook. I commented asking for another picture and talking about how cute they were and everything. I noticed all her boyfriends old comments, which would be him answering other people's questions on her behalf, we're all deleted. Because his account didn't exist. Deleted account Maybe? Now that I think about it, probably suspended because it's fake with no way to verify it. I was asking people have to get in contact with them and they had literally no way to contact. I want as far to message someone who worked in the same place he was talking about working at, and they had no idea who it was. Nobody who works there at the idea who he was and so did nobody at the school he went to. Just amazing.

The pictures also had comments from her cousin, who is extremely blunt because she is special needs and obviously doesn't know about this whole sham. Comments were saying things like "There's the cutie dolly! She finally came! Etc" normal for her, and then one stood out --- "did you see those baby's that are like the baby alive they eat and make sounds but there for adults and I know your just the avid collector so are we expecting one of those next month??? :)" .... Yeah, that didn't sound right to me, at all.

I looked through more and finally noticed what once felt a little off. They have the same positions each time or have pictures that hide their hands/etc, all pictures of them sleeping, which adds up to more suspicion. I went back to the post with the cousin's comment, and it was deleted, but not before someone else from school could comment asking wtf.

I went ahead and messaged her grandma, who had made a Facebook a while back ago, and was the only family she mentioned in a positive light. Turns out, she's living with her grandma, lost her job (because of her boss committing a felony and assault), has no money for school except for the college classes she did, has gotten in trouble for harassment and sexual misconduct, just living a shitty life in an efficiency with nobody except me and two friends she keeps in touch with, and being a mom to her baby dolls. I asked about boyfriend and grandma wouldn't say much but she did relay that there was a guy by the same name she used to have a lot issues with who she currently stalks and hacks..... His current girlfriend told me that he's told her about him being sexually harassed by and lied about. But girlfriend is also a huge drama queen, by the impression I used to get from her.

I have never felt so low myself, let alone knowing my only family member who helped through EVERYTHING imaginable is now and has always been lower than anyone I know...

Everything was taken from me last night. My family and the person I trusted most, the only person I trusted in my entire life. I don't even know what's real and what's not and I keep looking back at everything that wasn't and there's no cutoff to it.... She is obviously sick but I don't know what to do for myself or for her.

Tl;dr: she was my best friend and the only one I could ever trust, going through sex and abuse and grief. Her boyfriend and her became like family in my darkest hour, and Tuesday it all had been ripped from me. Her babies and her entire life are fake as f, she's went out of her way to deceive me and everyone, and her boyfriend was probably her catfishing me (based on a boy she may have harassed and now stalks to the extreme). After all she's done for me to keep me physically safe and taken care of as well as emotionally supported, I am now deeply concerned and she deserves any help I can give her. I don't know how to help. I don't know how to move on for myself. Even seeing things about pregnancy or best friends triggers the hell out of me... I can't even go to work or talk to anyone who we saw at school or look at memes....
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,366
Location
London, ON
Sounds like your friend has been going through some major issues. Like, none of this sounds like doing it to be spiteful, and more like extreme escapism from her life.

The deception is bad, but maybe try to consider the stress and unhappiness that would make a person create such a fantasy.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
16,072
Location
Nowhere
sounds like she has some kind of personality disorder offmychest

I think also you are making her your everything
your parent, best friend , your therapist , support worker
these are all different roles that need to be played out by different people
hopefully some of them professionals

I've done the same mistake myself
expecting one person to fix everything for me

:welcome: to the forum
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
6,402
Location
Nashua NH
Wow are you ever fortunate to have such a friend like this who has been of such help to you over the years. Does she know that you are aware of the deception? Have you discussed it with her? I would recommend talking with her about it with the perspective @Nukelavee offered, that she must be under a tremendous amount of stress or have reason to really want to escape her life to conjure a fantasy life like this. I am sorry that you feel deceived by her. I hope these feelings can be overcome with compassion and gratitude for all she has done for you for such a long time. xo, j
 

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