I forgot who I used to be.

GhostRagdoll

GhostRagdoll

New member
Joined
Jan 2, 2019
Messages
2
#1
I've suffered from DP/DR for about 7 years now. My anniversary of my diagnosis has just recently passed. I've heard that DP/DR goes away on its own, especially if it's the result of heavy drug use.

My DP/DR is trauma based. I won't get into all of it, but let's just say that over the course of two months, my life fell apart in more ways than one and I found myself like this, barely able to cope.

I don't know if any of you have experienced this, but I have a steady level of disconnect, but it gets worse with episodes. That said, the disconnect is always very bad with my left arm. To the point I sorta forget that it's there, and when I do remember and see it, I feel queasy, as if it being there alone is completely unnatural. I wouldn't quite say it's BIID level, but it's certainly disorienting.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really even remotely the same person as I used to be. Sometimes I feel as if that girl died in the hospital, and all I am is her shell. As if I'm just half a person, and my other half died long ago.

I want to feel whole again. I want to feel like I belong in my body. Feel fully attached to myself and the world around me.

I don't want to see the world through a lens. I want to be alive again.
 
A

Astrolabe11

Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2019
Messages
5
#2
I was very moved by your post and I am sorry to hear things have been so bad for you. I hope you can find a way through this to recover those parts of yourself that you feel are lost. You strike me as someone with a feel for language; just a tentative suggestion, but could you use writing - poetry, a journal - in any way to explore your feelings and experience, and to perhaps then get even a faint glimpse to start with of the person you once were?