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I feel utterly useless

A

AlabamaFan

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Feb 7, 2021
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As alluded to in my introduction post. I feel absolutely useless because of my anxiety problems. I am unable to work and largely bedridden, its causing strife between me and my sister. The panic attacks are increasing in frequency and I tey my best to stop them, but sometimes I just csnt.

Yet despite that I still get accused of being lazy and not trying hard enough. It's not like I enjoy not being able to work-- I HATE it.. I want to work and I want to be productive. I want to be free of the anxiety and worries. But nobody is listening to me. Its interfering with my ability to sleep. Since my folks donr seem to.undersrand and wont take me seriously, I have a very very strong desire for self harm.

I feel.st this tage as useless as I am, I'd be better off dying and let my folks benefit from my life insurance policy. I've dealt with anxiety and panic attacks since third grade and now I feel like I'm close to losing the battle. There are many ways available I could end it if I chose to do so, and I feel that decision is becoming g more and more likely to happen.

This may not be a very coherent post, but I am posting it in haste and not able to write my thoughts as clearly as I hope to. So there will certainly be a lot of typos. My anxiety is so bad these days my hands are in a state of tremor almost all the time.
 
Z

Zoe1

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hi AlabamaFan :welcome:

I hope you will hold on and wait for people to help you here
since you have taken the trouble to join ...

your value does not only lie in getting back into work
not everyone is able to do that
I don't think I will ever be able myself
and I've learned to value myself in other ways

have a think about what you enjoy in life apart from work
and who and what you value for yourself


:grouphug:🕯
 
A

AlabamaFan

Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Alabama
hi AlabamaFan :welcome:

I hope you will hold on and wait for people to help you here
since you have taken the trouble to join ...

your value does not only lie in getting back into work
not everyone is able to do that
I don't think I will ever be able myself
and I've learned to value myself in other ways

have a think about what you enjoy in life apart from work
and who and what you value for yourself


:grouphug:🕯
Yeah I try to but sometimes it's just so hard to find anything to keep me happy. Going fishing wss my go to thing, but as I've allowed myself to become bedridden, I lack the strength to do it now.
 
calypso

calypso

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HIya. Please read our pro forma message and see if anything can help you in it. Please remember you are a valuable human being.

We are really sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time at the moment.

From what you have reported in your post it is important to get immediate medical attention for your own safety. Please call 999 if you are in the UK or your local emergency number if you are elsewhere and request emergency medical assistance.

Please tell a friend, a family member or someone from an organisation like the Samaritans about the issues you are experiencing. If you are in the UK or ROI the Samaritans can be called for free on 116 123. If you are in the USA the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be contacted on 1-800-273-8255
or suicidepreventionlifeline.org In the USA and Canada 211 is a number you can use to access information about social services.

In other countries you can find similar services by looking at the Befrienders Worldwide Website at Befrienders Worldwide | Emotional support to prevent suicide worldwide

Our web page on getting help may also be useful to you. Here is a link to it Mental Health Forum - Getting Help

Here is a link to an article on Suicidal Crisis written by one of the Admin team which you may find helpful Suicidal Crisis

Please do seek help as soon as possible.
 
A

AlabamaFan

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Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
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Alabama
Yeah I've called the hotline before. Tgey helped, I might need to do it againm
 
A

AlabamaFan

Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Alabama
Ugh. I'm bout ready to end myself. I havent felt well physically which is making my anxiety even worse. I lack the energy to be out of bed much-- get shaking and weak. And I have rapid heartbeats for no reason. But my dad just insists it's all in my head and makes me do physically exhaustive stuff in spite.

I told him yesterday I was feeling so weak I felt like I was passing out due to my heart beating so fast. So instead of taking it easy. He makes me get up at 11:30 at night hanging and moving pictures . That all took an hour and a half. By the time we were done, I was so weak, I thought I was going to die.

Work up feeling terrible again today and same routine. Hes jumping by throat for supposedly being lazy and wanting to let the anxiety win, completely dismissive of my new health symptoms. Just got done doing a bunch of stuff and I'm bout dizzy to the point of passing out.

Wont let me call 911 or go to the hospital so I cant get help. I'm past my breaking point with this crap and ready to take the mystery out and off myself.

Im.so sick of my symptoms being dismissed like they are nothing and brushed off as me being lazy. I cant take it . And he keeps griping and cussing about shit that happened in the past that's making this all even worse.

I guess I'll just let myself due because of what I think is a serious health problem, or take myself out.

I'm sorry for the haphazard poorly written post, but I just cant keep my thoughts in check. I AM DONE!!!!!!
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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May I ask how old you are? What your describing sounds like abuse especially with your father not letting you seek help for your health concerns.

If you can't call 911 do you have someone else who can call on your behalf?
 
A

AlabamaFan

Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Alabama
May I ask how old you are? What your describing sounds like abuse especially with your father not letting you seek help for your health concerns.

If you can't call 911 do you have someone else who can call on your behalf?
34. On the verge of disability because of my issues, live with dad and sister. I dont have anyone who'll call for me. In fact when I checked my BP while it was sky high a while back, my sister took the machine away from me saying i didnt need it.

Just lots and lots of negative stuff in this household.
 
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