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I feel unwanted.

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BrytonJade

Active member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Canada
I feel like no on really likes me and wants me around so I isolate myself and stay home all the time. I just feel unwanted. I have no where else to go while staying at my mom's and I'm blacklisted from getting an apartment or house in my home city which sucks. I got into a fight with my younger brother who is 2 years younger than me, and now I feel bad about it and hate myself more and more as I think about it. My mom doesn't know but when she gets off work and comes home, she's gunna give us shit. But I told myself that's the last time I'm fighting anyone again because I truly want to be a peaceful person. That fight was so unnecessary and could have been prevented but my brother told me he was gunna stab me and that got me angry. He has a big bump on his cheekbone from me, I feel so upset with myself because I could have had for self-control. :( Aside from all that I feel so unwanted and the energy of people affects mine and I feel they don't want me around, even my own mom. It gives me anxiety because my mother isn't really that loving but more of a hateful person, but she lets me live with her. I feel so trapped where I am in my life. I'm wanted by the police for breaching and missing court 3 times so I might go to jail for a couple years. My life is full of bullshit, ever since I was 18. I think it's due to my mom isolating us from family and everyone when we were younger because when I was finished grade 2, she moved us to a reservation far from everyone, I feel it's because was selfish and didn't want to pay bills or anything like that being as it was rent free on the reservation, not even my own reservation either otherwise I would have grew up with my cousins but didn't. I feel if I slip up, she'll kick me out or call the police to pick me up. My life is completely messed up from as long as I could remember, mom was never home, not much food in the fridge, and mom was an alcoholic. I need serious therapy. I can't even vent to my mother without her getting mad at me so I don't really have anyone to vent to besides this forum. Some days I get so depressed about my life that I would rather be dead and feel everyone would be better off without me because shit, I feel like whatever happens in this house is my fault, or my family makes it seem that way. The world doesn't revolve around me but why does it feel like it does? Why is all the negative shit forced upon me? it gives me so much anxiety. I hate my life so much. It's hard enough that I hear voices and feel like people can hear my thoughts, along with a traumatized past and inability to do anything for myself, unable to talk to my mom on a normal plane. It's like she's proud to be the person she is, which is heartless, or it seems that way. I'm sorry, I just need to vent and have someone listen.
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,576
Location
USA
So if you could be free of all the negative energy and you could “start over” who would you like to be?

cause its never too late and once you have the answer to that question it’s just like solving a puzzle to figure out what needs to be done to get you there. And therapy can totally be a tool to do that.
 
HopefulMe

HopefulMe

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
61
Location
United Statea
I feel like no on really likes me and wants me around so I isolate myself and stay home all the time. I just feel unwanted. I have no where else to go while staying at my mom's and I'm blacklisted from getting an apartment or house in my home city which sucks. I got into a fight with my younger brother who is 2 years younger than me, and now I feel bad about it and hate myself more and more as I think about it. My mom doesn't know but when she gets off work and comes home, she's gunna give us shit. But I told myself that's the last time I'm fighting anyone again because I truly want to be a peaceful person. That fight was so unnecessary and could have been prevented but my brother told me he was gunna stab me and that got me angry. He has a big bump on his cheekbone from me, I feel so upset with myself because I could have had for self-control. :( Aside from all that I feel so unwanted and the energy of people affects mine and I feel they don't want me around, even my own mom. It gives me anxiety because my mother isn't really that loving but more of a hateful person, but she lets me live with her. I feel so trapped where I am in my life. I'm wanted by the police for breaching and missing court 3 times so I might go to jail for a couple years. My life is full of bullshit, ever since I was 18. I think it's due to my mom isolating us from family and everyone when we were younger because when I was finished grade 2, she moved us to a reservation far from everyone, I feel it's because was selfish and didn't want to pay bills or anything like that being as it was rent free on the reservation, not even my own reservation either otherwise I would have grew up with my cousins but didn't. I feel if I slip up, she'll kick me out or call the police to pick me up. My life is completely messed up from as long as I could remember, mom was never home, not much food in the fridge, and mom was an alcoholic. I need serious therapy. I can't even vent to my mother without her getting mad at me so I don't really have anyone to vent to besides this forum. Some days I get so depressed about my life that I would rather be dead and feel everyone would be better off without me because shit, I feel like whatever happens in this house is my fault, or my family makes it seem that way. The world doesn't revolve around me but why does it feel like it does? Why is all the negative shit forced upon me? it gives me so much anxiety. I hate my life so much. It's hard enough that I hear voices and feel like people can hear my thoughts, along with a traumatized past and inability to do anything for myself, unable to talk to my mom on a normal plane. It's like she's proud to be the person she is, which is heartless, or it seems that way. I'm sorry, I just need to vent and have someone listen.
I'm sorry your feeling so low and anxious!! Hugs 🤗 I live with schizoaffective disorder. Anxiety is a bitch!! Sorry it's got it's hold on you! This is a safe place to vent 😁 If u don't mind me asking, what r you positively doing to help yourself?
 
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BrytonJade

Active member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Canada
I'm sorry your feeling so low and anxious!! Hugs 🤗 I live with schizoaffective disorder. Anxiety is a bitch!! Sorry it's got it's hold on you! This is a safe place to vent 😁 If u don't mind me asking, what r you positively doing to help yourself?
I'm trynna get some things done to get my resume looking good, and my reservation is going to help me do so. So I'm trying to get my life together. I'm trying to avoid conflict. I'm on antidepressants and antipsychotics to help with the manic episodes but some days it rarely helps.
 
HopefulMe

HopefulMe

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
61
Location
United Statea
I'm trynna get some things done to get my resume looking good, and my reservation is going to help me do so. So I'm trying to get my life together. I'm trying to avoid conflict. I'm on antidepressants and antipsychotics to help with the manic episodes but some days it rarely helps.
Good job!! Working toward positive goals creates positive outcomes. In time. Lol The fact that your very aware of your anger being out of control is awesome! No you just have to figure out how to get those feelings out with out making YOU feel like an asshole 😉 Rage is not my friend. I have been slowly gaining the trust of my kiddos back. After 4 yrs I am pretty guilt free when I do have to get on to them. What are you doing to try and shift your anger?
 
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