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I feel too ugly to go outside

NoNameRequired

NoNameRequired

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Joined
Jul 18, 2021
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Mordor
The title.

I remind myself of one of those Men in Black aliens who disguise themselves as humans but look off. I really don't like to go outside, and pictures, I hate those. I have avoided most social events due to this and the times I tried be social I always feel like people don't tell me to leave to have someone to feel superior to.

The lockdown is cool.

That's it.
 
catmommy

catmommy

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Jul 18, 2021
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Vancouver
Yeah, I'm feeling super self-conscience about going outside wearing body revealing minimum light weight summer clothing because of all the pandemic pounds I've piled on. I walk to the store and I can feel my thighs rubbing together. I'm hideous.
 
NoNameRequired

NoNameRequired

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I want to think we are more hideous in our brain than to other people, but we have no way of knowing that.
 
lisa_wa

lisa_wa

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I'm too big, I have 50 chins and my hair is too short but I kinda don't really care. I'm just me. I'm nice and caring and I generally like people so I go out in public. I say hi to a lot of people or smile at them.

Bars and clubs, not so much. Still struggle with that one. I feel judged in them.
 
NoNameRequired

NoNameRequired

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Mordor
I'm too big, I have 50 chins and my hair is too short but I kinda don't really care. I'm just me. I'm nice and caring and I generally like people so I go out in public. I say hi to a lot of people or smile at them.

Bars and clubs, not so much. Still struggle with that one. I feel judged in them.
Thank you for your message, my situation is backwards, I am probably the thinner person I know. I feel judges everytime I go outside, even when I hear someone laughing, I must focus a lot to convince myself they are not laughing at me.
 
lisa_wa

lisa_wa

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Thank you for your message, my situation is backwards, I am probably the thinner person I know. I feel judges everytime I go outside, even when I hear someone laughing, I must focus a lot to convince myself they are not laughing at me.
I heard a good quote once, People don't think about you nearly as much as you think.

I've always thought that was a good quote.
 
A Fancy Carp

A Fancy Carp

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Jul 21, 2021
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73
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California
I know how you feel. I'm definitely a little strange-looking. I've zero romantic experience, and being on Tinder has yielded very few matches and no actual human connections. I'd really like a girlfriend. Or just a regular friend, really. If I had social events to go to I would, though, on the off-chance that I'm someone's type.
 
NoNameRequired

NoNameRequired

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Mordor
I know how you feel. I'm definitely a little strange-looking. I've zero romantic experience, and being on Tinder has yielded very few matches and no actual human connections. I'd really like a girlfriend. Or just a regular friend, really. If I had social events to go to I would, though, on the off-chance that I'm someone's type.
It is disheartening to think of the good things the future could give you and then realize it is most likely to never happen. I have always wanted to find someone and have a happy and healthy marriage, but chances are that's not happening.
 
Q

quilteddown10

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177
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UK
I'm probably what you might call a 'baseline measure of ugliness'. Baseline in the sense that everyone seems to agree on it.

My face seems to provoke either hilarity or contempt in other people.

It is very difficult to integrate that type of information back into one's self-image. I try but it is like trying to live without hope.

I do wish people were more honest in how they allow an evolved, visceral reaction (the disgust response) to affect the conscious beliefs and judgements they then form, for these concern the 'person' above and beyond the 'body'.
 
Q

quilteddown10

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I want to think we are more hideous in our brain than to other people, but we have no way of knowing that.
Most people who 'feel' ugly would not, I think, be described by most others as ugly. You could say it is more or less 'in their heads'.

There is a small minority of people (and I'm one of them) who are described as ugly by others. Enough for it to be problematic (ie, not just a one-off single event of abuse).

Some of these people might not 'feel' particularly ugly. In fact, there is a recent study that shows most people rated as unattractive by others rate themselves as more attractive.

We have to feel 'ok' about ourselves in the main in order to function.

But some of this group know full well how the world sees them and for them it's a constant uphill struggle. We live in a culture that doles out 'self-esteem' rewards to those who pass the test. For those that don't, it is effectively to live a life as a recluse. For me, just going to the shops is a battle. I am constantly on guard for comments, laughter and outright disgust.
 
NoNameRequired

NoNameRequired

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 18, 2021
Messages
192
Location
Mordor
Most people who 'feel' ugly would not, I think, be described by most others as ugly. You could say it is more or less 'in their heads'.

There is a small minority of people (and I'm one of them) who are described as ugly by others. Enough for it to be problematic (ie, not just a one-off single event of abuse).

Some of these people might not 'feel' particularly ugly. In fact, there is a recent study that shows most people rated as unattractive by others rate themselves as more attractive.

We have to feel 'ok' about ourselves in the main in order to function.

But some of this group know full well how the world sees them and for them it's a constant uphill struggle. We live in a culture that doles out 'self-esteem' rewards to those who pass the test. For those that don't, it is effectively to live a life as a recluse. For me, just going to the shops is a battle. I am constantly on guard for comments, laughter and outright disgust.
It sound really bad, the last part, I am sorry.
 
S

sunset_girl

Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2021
Messages
9
Location
Europe
Disguised as a human but looking off is a way to describe how I feel about myself that I never knew. I feel like overall I am just off in that way. The way I look, the way I act and feel is not normal.
 
T

tanjiro

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2021
Messages
1
Location
uk
The title.

I remind myself of one of those Men in Black aliens who disguise themselves as humans but look off. I really don't like to go outside, and pictures, I hate those. I have avoided most social events due to this and the times I tried be social I always feel like people don't tell me to leave to have someone to feel superior to.

The lockdown is cool.

That's it.
i have been thinking about this a lot, i don’t think people really care what you look like tbh. like be honest who’s going to remember what you wore that one time and bring it up in the next convo like first of all it’s stupid of them to care about what you wear and second of all it would be hella awkward for them to just randomly bring that up
-coming from someone that stands out a lot due to their hair colour and fashion sense
 

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