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i feel super empty today

avrilx

avrilx

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Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Oly WA
i had awful day @ work all from my own doing— i feel lik such a scumbag useless waste of eeveryone’s time

i was told by my father the same things on how i was worthless most my adolescent n teenage years — now i work under him as cook. i know im not progressing as i should from when i first started cooking becus he told me so. im not disillusioned but i also know im not worthless, & i wish i had friends who could talk me thru things but im ruining everything w the group i was most inclined in talking to stuff over w. i pray to God & hope for better things to come but also i know i need to be better at learning, in which iv no common sense in the least

im super confused on how my fp views me & our rlp, i wish we talked lots more but he’s usually busy & a lot of the times i cant tell if hes blowing me off
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
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Do you think it would help to not work for your father but to get a job somewhere else?

Could you for a day, not say anything negative about yourself. Maybe every time you say you are worthless, you could say you are a good person, a kind person, a person who is trying their best?

I did the same. If i start to say 'you stupid... i stop, i don't finish the sentence. We have to have sympathy for ourselves and be proud of how hard we try.
 
avrilx

avrilx

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Nov 22, 2021
Messages
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Location
Oly WA
im kinda bound by certain.. testaments of trust to stay employed here: he did help a lot by setting me up w a residency in apt above right where i work (same building)

i will try this. manifesting positive energies ~<3
 
B

basil and oregano

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Nov 9, 2021
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Athens, Greece
Working with an abusive person, even more so with them being your father, is a nightmare arrangement. I understand just how insecure one can be due to the economy, but, you've got to ask yourself: is it worth it? You might have to put up with constant battery day in and day out. Maybe it'd be a better idea to try to find a way to support yourself financially without being tied to your father. It's likely to be more difficult and you may have to live in austerity, but, in the long run, isn't it going to be better for you? You should choose whatever will make you a happier, stronger person.

Also, I'd like to add: often abusers manipulate us into thinking that their attacks are justified. Reading your post, I got the feeling that you have internalized a lot of your father's logic. But, that's the secret: never, no matter how difficult someone might make it for us, is it justified to make another person feel like trash. You may progress slowly or learn with difficulty, you may be absent-minded or easily distractable, but that says nothing at all about your value and worth as a human being. You are worthy just the way you are.
 
avrilx

avrilx

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Oly WA
i think i misconstrued myself here in my OP. he has been abusive horrendously to me in the past, but in my adult years we’ve been knicking away our past just bit by bit as time goes & we both progress. he is even sometims tender despite being sociopathic i digress

i am forsure going to find another pursuit & i am not makeing cooking my career, but as is now this is my best option as ive ease to mental health resources & just enough time for myself (just enough). he isnt belittling me but rather has a pretty good perspectiv on whats going on w my being th chef/owner’s son & not playing up to par. ive had navy training & i know that i need to shape up sooner than later, & so just staying distractabl as i tend to be is not option for me but thank you for th warm regards
 
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