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I feel so useless and depressed because I can't drive

P

pokerfish12

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 19, 2020
Messages
46
Location
United Kingdom
I'm 22, I can't drive and I feel like a failure. If I had never had lessons it wouldn't really bother me, but it's the fact that I did take lessons at 17 like every other kid at school. I was a good driver but I failed my test 4 times on silly things. I felt so depressed and hopeless but then came the time for me to go to university anyway so I went and didn't have lessons in all that time. I've now moved back home and I know I should take lessons again but I can't afford it because I still don't have a job. When I had lessons as a teenager, my mom paid for my theory tests, lessons, driving tests and everything so no way would I ask her to pay anything again. It makes me sad because I live in a really toxic household so when I hopefully get a job, saving up to move out will be my priority, but now I will have to save for lessons as well. I know it isn't really the end of the world, 22 isn't that old and people learn at all ages, but having to start from scratch makes me feel really unmotivated. Having to study for my theory again and retake that because it's expired. Gosh :( Plus now I've developed a lot of anxiety towards driving, I'm not sure why. Maybe just the thought of getting back in a car after all these years and having forgotten everything.

My mom also makes me feel like shit. She's a narcissistic, emotionally abusive parent and has always compared me to other kids and this is just another thing for her to make me feel like an unworthy failure. She has actually said "good things always happen to other families" in terms of her friends' kids driving and stuff. I feel so embarrassed, bad about myself and like a failure when I see teenagers driving and I just want to cry. I'm too embarrassed to contact my old instructor as well because I don't know if it would be weird.
 
anodyne

anodyne

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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May 27, 2021
Messages
74
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Hey @pokerfish12, i can relate to being in your 20s without a license. I got mine a few months before my 23rd birthday, i think. i remember getting driving lessons and sitting in the learner's car with 15 yo's at a time when most people were graduating college. It was humiliating, but it's whatever. you will still need to get your license, whether it's awkward or not. plenty of people in our generation put off getting a license, especially if they go to school in a place where public transportation is readily available. Just work towards getting one as a goal.

As for your mom, you're at an age now where you can look for a place of your own. You don't need to live at home, and you shouldn't if you feel it is hurting your mental health. I'm a couple years older than you and live at home so I know it can be hard to move out for a number of reasons, but you can look into places, roommates, etc. Just set those couple goals for yourself and make sure to keep a date in mind where you expect to have them completed by.

Also, don't care what people think of you. Just do you, boo.
 
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pokerfish12

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 19, 2020
Messages
46
Location
United Kingdom
Hey @pokerfish12, i can relate to being in your 20s without a license. I got mine a few months before my 23rd birthday, i think. i remember getting driving lessons and sitting in the learner's car with 15 yo's at a time when most people were graduating college. It was humiliating, but it's whatever. you will still need to get your license, whether it's awkward or not. plenty of people in our generation put off getting a license, especially if they go to school in a place where public transportation is readily available. Just work towards getting one as a goal.

As for your mom, you're at an age now where you can look for a place of your own. You don't need to live at home, and you shouldn't if you feel it is hurting your mental health. I'm a couple years older than you and live at home so I know it can be hard to move out for a number of reasons, but you can look into places, roommates, etc. Just set those couple goals for yourself and make sure to keep a date in mind where you expect to have them completed by.

Also, don't care what people think of you. Just do you, boo.
Hi, I am extremely sorry for the late reply! >.<

thank you so much, it's nice to hear I am not alone. I am feeling a little better and realizing that it isn't big deal. Sure, lots of people do learn as teens and pass, but plenty of people learn later on in life and that's okay. I definitely have made it a goal of mine to learn and am going to start saving up.

Yeah, it's a priority of mine to move out, will probably have to find roommates online somewhere which is okay. It feels good to start working towards independence.

Thanks again :)
 
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