- Nov 7, 2020
i'm starting to feel like everything's falling apart around me. i end up acting impulsively bc i keep thinking that it doesn't matter bc i'll be gone soon. rationally, i know that suicide isn't the solution but i still can't stop myself from thinking about all the ways in which i could k**l myself. rn the only thing stopping me from doing anything is that i'm still living with my parents but i'm moving out in a few months and i'm scared. i've been struggling with my mental health for as long as i can remember so i know that it's not just magically going to get better but i still can't bring myself to get actual professional help. at this point i'm not even sure i know what my "major symptoms" are bc it's all so normalised to me now, so if i were to go what would i even say? when i was younger i used to think that surely there'd be a point where i'd know that i was ill "enough" to need help but the goalposts keep moving and it's ridiculous, but these days i find myself arguing that bc i'm alive it's alright which is scary as hell.