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I feel so guilty because of how apathetic/empty I am.

T

Tealseal

Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Mansfield
I don't feel emotions like most people, I'm apathetic and I don't find anything interesting. I'm nowhere near as depressed as I used to be, a few years ago I was extremely unhygienic, very unmotivated and I couldn't function. Now, I'm a lot better. However, this emptiness is persistent. I feel guilty that I'm this way because other people around me show interest in things whereas I'm left feeling indifferent.

I am just so hollow, I tense up around people and just feel so disconnected. Sometimes I want the ground to swallow me up, I want to be social but at the same time being around people makes me feel suffocated and anxious. I don't look forward to anything and don't enjoy anything. I don't feel human. I can cope, I have some motivation, I'm not feeling very low, I'm just completely empty.

My friend suggested going somewhere Friday-monday one weekend in July and he was really up for it. I made a post recently about how he might be depressed as his house is very untidy, tiredness, lack of motivation etc. Yet, this was something he was looking forward to. He was coming up with places where we could go and he obviously asked for my opinion and I didn't have one. However, I can't look forward to anything and going somewhere for a few nights would be too much for me when I'm not used to doing much. I feel guilty that he wanted to do something and I'm not interested in anything. I can enjoy someone's company and want to spend time with them but what I do with someone makes no difference to me. It would be unfair of me to let him spend money, time, booking 2 days off work etc for me to be so uninterested. I feel so guilty that this is how I am because he doesn't have anyone else to do these things with. I feel like I've let him down.

I don't like being this way. It's nothing to do with how it affects me because I can deal with being this way as I'm used to it. But, it's how it affects others.
 
B

BeanThere

Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2021
Messages
14
Location
Uk
Make it one day? Getting used to being with other for periods can be hard (or impossible), but worth a try. You're better than you were...maybe could improve a bit more.

I can cope with people for a few hours at a time, then it gets intolerable, that's enough for me.

I'd suggest not writing it off, unless you really feel that being an island is for you, which your words suggest not.

Might help?
 
E

EclipticNight

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2020
Messages
584
Location
Orleans vermont.
I can relate to the feeling. Because of my background violence does not elicit emotion from me. I can litterally see someone torn to pieces and never stop eating my dinner. I feel just as guilty because I do care in almost every other way, it's just violence does nothing. People act appalled and sick and I fake it but no matter how horrible it is I just dont care.

The best thing I can do is understand what I should feel and act on that. I follow the social and moral norm since I'm damaged in this area, I'm not saying you are by the way. I'm going to give you the same advice my school best friend gave me back in high school. Indecision is the wrong decision. So how do you pick when you dont really care? Chance. Ask for some options, load a random number generator, make a guideline rule for the amount of choices and let fate pick for you. That way you chose for your friend without having to muster up the will to consider it. Works for me every time.
 
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