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I feel so alone

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Hollybobble86

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2015
Messages
3
Hi everyone, I haven't posted before but just need to get things off my chest and to see if anyone else has been through a similar situation, and want advice on how to deal with it and move forward. I haven't been to the doctors about how I feel I'm going on Wednesday. But basically I have been battling depression since I had my son 7 years ago. Lately I have been having what I think are panic attacks, I'm short of breath, get palpitations and a choking sensation in my throat. I'm so low some days but really happy others which makes me think I don't need to see a doc. My partner who I love the absolute bones of told me a few days ago he didn't want to get married anymore, we had already booked a date and paid half of the venue and put deposits on other things and well this has really made me hit rock bottom, he says he loves me and he doesn't want to loose me but I can't help but feel like he doesn't love me in the same way I love him. He said when he told me this he thought he was going to loose me and he really thought it was over and he didn't feel anything no sadness no anger no relief nothing. He says he's just not bothered about anything anymore which makes me think he is suffering from depression too as he says he feels emotionally numb. I want to be there for him but don't want to feel as unloved as I do right now. I feel totally worthless and alone as I don't wana burden him or family with this I just wana cry all the time. Please someone help if you can TIA xxx
 
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Japoodle123

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2015
Messages
7
Hi, Hollybobble86. My advice is to continue to be there for him, and do things you know (or, think) will make him laugh. I'm Anna, and I'm having to take this morning off of work because the kids are too overwhelming. I love them sooooooooooooooooooo much, but I just don't have the energy--the enthusiasm--this morning. I'm going to make myself go in at half-day, for their sake (and money).
 
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Hollybobble86

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2015
Messages
3
Hi Anna thank you for your reply. I know the feeling of children being overwhelming I have 3 they are lovely and I love them so much too but they can drive me insane lol. I wish I had their never ending energy lol. I really want to be there for him but I'm so scared that if it is depression I'm gona stand by him and he's gona leave anyway and maybe realise that he doesn't love me anymore hence him not feeling anything when he thought we were over or it isn't depression and it is just me if that makes sense. Iv just got so many thoughts and feelings I don't know what to do with them xxx
 
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Christobel

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 6, 2014
Messages
1,075
Location
South west
I don't' think there is any close relationship that doesn't go through its times of crisis. In my experience of 45 years of marriage, it all gets back on an even keel again. You could try having a weekend away by yourself, which would be my preferred way, or go away for a short break with your partner if you could get someone to care for the children. In either case a break away is the best solution imho.
 
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Hollybobble86

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2015
Messages
3
Thanks for your advice I'm not one to normally leave my kiddies but my mum offered to have the kiddies for a week so we can take what was gona be our honey moon early so we can have some time together and try and remember what it's like to be us as individuals rather than mum or dad, we never really dated before we settled down as I was pregnant with my son. So we have always had a baby in our relationship we never had time really together before the children came along. I know relationships have their ups and downs but him cancelling our wedding really has made me question a lot of things xxxx
 
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Sertra Lina

Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2015
Messages
6
Location
UK
Hi Holly.

I came here a few days ago feeling low and people were nice, so although I'm new here and not really in a position to advise, I feel I should try and give something back :)

Has your partner said why he doesn't want to get married anymore? If he's in that 'don't want to do anything' frame of mind, maybe it's just that, and not you..
Some people are very reactive: they will cheer up or get miserable depending on others they're with, so instead of helping you feel better they can add to the problem. Could that be why he's down?

Getting away together might help, but if you're so used to revolving around the kids, it might be a bit strange at first. If the holiday could start with something that has a bit of excitement (e.g. live show, Alton Towers-type rides, ..) that could stir things up a bit and remind you both of why you're together ;)

Have you tried breathing in/out of a paper bag when you're having panic attacks? It should help.
Just because you have 'up' days, it doesn't mean you're okay. Depression takes many forms: not every 'depressive' (?) is miserable all the time.

I was going to say don't worry about marrying at the moment, you can re-plan in the future, etc.. but I've never wanted to get married, and therefore can only imagine all the effort that goes into planning and preparing.. so I'll say no more on that subject.

I think you may have fallen into the rut many of us can slip into, where life is a series of chores and responsibilities, with little time to enjoy.

Good luck with your upcoming appointments. I hope you're feeling better soon.

:hug1:
 
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