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I Feel Sad

ILikePancakes

ILikePancakes

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
US
I went into a deep depression recently and it's happening at a bad time in my life. My life is supposed to be getting better. After suffering for 2 years, I finally finished Paramedic school and passed my paramedic exams. I also already have a job because I've been an EMT with my company and all I have to do is give them my Paramedic license and I can go full time and get a big raise. I'm also moving into a luxury apartment with my boyfriend in a week. Everything is turning into what I've always wanted my life to be, but I'm just sad. I feel tired, not like physically tired, but I feel like my soul is tired. I feel like if I die, I'll finally get the peace and freedom I crave so bad, but I don't want to end my life. I just wish I could find that peace and freedom in life. I also feel like I just hate myself because of the way I look and I don't like my personality. I also have OCD which makes me dwell on past mistakes (and causes many more problems) and makes me feel like I want to kill myself because of my past mistakes.

I completely gave up on finding mental health help because I have done literally everything and never found something that helped. I tried medications, therapy, counseling, and I spent 6 days in a mental hospital in 2019. So, on top of everything else, also feel hopeless. I feel like I just have to live with crippling OCD and random intense feelings of sadness.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
4,745
Location
California
Everything is turning into what I've always wanted my life to be, but I'm just sad. I feel tired, not like physically tired, but I feel like my soul is tired. I feel like if I die, I'll finally get the peace and freedom I crave so bad, but I don't want to end my life. I just wish I could find that peace and freedom in life. .
I am sorry that you are struggling in this way. My soul feels tired. I have what I want in life, but I am tired. The difficult situations and my own struggles have left me very unbalanced presently. I crave peace as well. I believe it can and will happen again in life. 💗
 
C

charlieblack5

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2021
Messages
186
Location
Uk
I can relate to an extent certainly the feeling of sadness. Not sure what to suggest, it sounds like you’ve tried so many things to help yourself. I also don’t want to kill myself but also don’t want to live. It’s a funny area to be in. It sounds like you’re doing well in some key areas (job, bf, home) which is fantastic though - concentrate on those positives?
 
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