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I feel really hurt...

L

LostGirl1987

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Oct 19, 2020
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286
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United Kingdom
I went to a small gathering last night for my friends birthday and found out that my best friend has been talking with my kind-of-ex behind my back despite knowing how much he’s hurt me. I saw over her shoulder that she was messaging with him back and forth and the fact that she didn’t even tell me honestly really hurts. Not only that but he’s practically inserted himself into my friend group and I feel like they’d all rather hang out with him than me. I just cannot escape him no matter how hard I try because my friends insist on being all buddy-buddy with him, and I’d never tell someone who they can or can’t be friends with, but I’d like to think that true friends would be more supportive. He was brought up a few times last night and since then he’s unfollowed me on Instagram, and I know I shouldn’t care, but I’d like to know the reason why because apparently he’s been asking for me recently and now suddenly he doesn’t want to know anymore? I get the feeling that my best friend has been talking about me to him and honestly I just feel really hurt by everything. My other friend is organising his own birthday gathering but I know he’s going to be there and I just wish this guy would make his own friends and let me move on instead of just constantly being there.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Nashua NH
I went to a small gathering last night for my friends birthday and found out that my best friend has been talking with my kind-of-ex behind my back despite knowing how much he’s hurt me. I saw over her shoulder that she was messaging with him back and forth and the fact that she didn’t even tell me honestly really hurts. Not only that but he’s practically inserted himself into my friend group and I feel like they’d all rather hang out with him than me. I just cannot escape him no matter how hard I try because my friends insist on being all buddy-buddy with him, and I’d never tell someone who they can or can’t be friends with, but I’d like to think that true friends would be more supportive. He was brought up a few times last night and since then he’s unfollowed me on Instagram, and I know I shouldn’t care, but I’d like to know the reason why because apparently he’s been asking for me recently and now suddenly he doesn’t want to know anymore? I get the feeling that my best friend has been talking about me to him and honestly I just feel really hurt by everything. My other friend is organising his own birthday gathering but I know he’s going to be there and I just wish this guy would make his own friends and let me move on instead of just constantly being there.

What an uncomfortable position your friends are putting you in. You are so strong to be able to keep relations with them while dealing with your own complex emotions. It doesn’t seem fair that your boyfriend would still be in the picture with your friend group after the two of you broke up but I guess sometimes people are just that way and situations turn out this way. It’s good for you to advocate for yourself snd your own position within your group of friends. Maybe letting them know how you are feeling about the situation wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I hope the situation improves for you soon. xo, j
 
S

stephy k

Member
Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
19
Location
Melbourne, Australia
I went to a small gathering last night for my friends birthday and found out that my best friend has been talking with my kind-of-ex behind my back despite knowing how much he’s hurt me. I saw over her shoulder that she was messaging with him back and forth and the fact that she didn’t even tell me honestly really hurts. Not only that but he’s practically inserted himself into my friend group and I feel like they’d all rather hang out with him than me. I just cannot escape him no matter how hard I try because my friends insist on being all buddy-buddy with him, and I’d never tell someone who they can or can’t be friends with, but I’d like to think that true friends would be more supportive. He was brought up a few times last night and since then he’s unfollowed me on Instagram, and I know I shouldn’t care, but I’d like to know the reason why because apparently he’s been asking for me recently and now suddenly he doesn’t want to know anymore? I get the feeling that my best friend has been talking about me to him and honestly I just feel really hurt by everything. My other friend is organising his own birthday gathering but I know he’s going to be there and I just wish this guy would make his own friends and let me move on instead of just constantly being there.
hi lovely,
im so sorry your going through this, I agree with jess above I think it would be a great idea if you could talk to your best friend and ask straight up what's going on? This is not how your friends should be treating you, that is not real friendship. a true friend never talks to an ex or even someone you like or liked and especially someone who hurt you without either discussing it with you first or because you came from the same friend group etc. she is doing this right in front of your face behind your back. that's not a friend. but talk to her first hopefully is just something innocent. explain how you feel try not to attack use "I" words like "when I saw you texting him I felt so hurt" "I feel really sad because I saw you texting him last night and I would like to know what's going on please. hope that helps. take care of you and make good choices! x
 
Fay F

Fay F

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Mar 1, 2021
Messages
115
Location
Canada
I had a similar situation, wow, over 20 years ago now...but it wasn't an ex, it was my EVIL sister. She was so mean to me and so demeaning...she inserted herself into my circle of friends and showed a different "cool" side while treating me like crap in private. She had a motorcycle and my silly friends were so impressed by this. I remember this so clearly...we were all out at a pub and I'd put my hair in pig tail braids. In front of all of my friends she said "You look so stupid, who do you think you are, a 10 year old?" and then looked at them all and laughed. Some of them laughed back uncomfortably...at least one of my male friends had the decency to say "lay off the braids, they look cute"...she stormed off in anger. I felt so humiliated by that point, I left too and never hung out with them again. That was extreme, but it was all so toxic. The male friend who stood up for me stayed in my life for a while until we lost touch a few years back.
 
L

LostGirl1987

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
286
Location
United Kingdom
What an uncomfortable position your friends are putting you in. You are so strong to be able to keep relations with them while dealing with your own complex emotions. It doesn’t seem fair that your boyfriend would still be in the picture with your friend group after the two of you broke up but I guess sometimes people are just that way and situations turn out this way. It’s good for you to advocate for yourself snd your own position within your group of friends. Maybe letting them know how you are feeling about the situation wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I hope the situation improves for you soon. xo, j

Hey thank you, it’s nice to talk to people who get it 😊 I find myself trying to be the “cool friend” all the time who doesn’t let things bother me when in reality they do bother me and sometimes I just feel like screaming at them. He was even apparently supposed to turn up at this gathering 🙄 I don’t think for one minute that my best friend is actually seeing him behind my back but the fact that she didn’t even tell me and has been really dismissive about it tells me that there’s something I don’t know, and I did talk about him last night with her and now all of a sudden he’s unfollowed me and I just can’t help thinking that it’s not a coincidence? I don’t know, maybe I’m just being paranoid, but I do think I need to speak to her because otherwise I’ll just let it fester.
 
L

LostGirl1987

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
286
Location
United Kingdom
hi lovely,
im so sorry your going through this, I agree with jess above I think it would be a great idea if you could talk to your best friend and ask straight up what's going on? This is not how your friends should be treating you, that is not real friendship. a true friend never talks to an ex or even someone you like or liked and especially someone who hurt you without either discussing it with you first or because you came from the same friend group etc. she is doing this right in front of your face behind your back. that's not a friend. but talk to her first hopefully is just something innocent. explain how you feel try not to attack use "I" words like "when I saw you texting him I felt so hurt" "I feel really sad because I saw you texting him last night and I would like to know what's going on please. hope that helps. take care of you and make good choices! x

Hey thank you that’s actually very helpful, she has actually asked me why I left so abruptly last night so I might just tell her how I felt about the situation. My mind is just going a thousand miles a minute right now thinking that I’m being kept out of the loop and that there’s something I don’t know, because my friends are all being very dismissive and either aren’t answering my texts or I’m just getting blunt replies. Then again, it could just be the anxiety talking.
 
L

LostGirl1987

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
286
Location
United Kingdom
I had a similar situation, wow, over 20 years ago now...but it wasn't an ex, it was my EVIL sister. She was so mean to me and so demeaning...she inserted herself into my circle of friends and showed a different "cool" side while treating me like crap in private. She had a motorcycle and my silly friends were so impressed by this. I remember this so clearly...we were all out at a pub and I'd put my hair in pig tail braids. In front of all of my friends she said "You look so stupid, who do you think you are, a 10 year old?" and then looked at them all and laughed. Some of them laughed back uncomfortably...at least one of my male friends had the decency to say "lay off the braids, they look cute"...she stormed off in anger. I felt so humiliated by that point, I left too and never hung out with them again. That was extreme, but it was all so toxic. The male friend who stood up for me stayed in my life for a while until we lost touch a few years back.

Hey there, I’m so sorry that happened to you, that sounds like a nightmare and I can definitely relate 😖 it would be so much easier if I could just cut this person out of my life but instead my friends insist on keeping him around despite how much he’s hurt me 😫
 
S

stephy k

Member
Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
19
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Hey thank you that’s actually very helpful, she has actually asked me why I left so abruptly last night so I might just tell her how I felt about the situation. My mind is just going a thousand miles a minute right now thinking that I’m being kept out of the loop and that there’s something I don’t know, because my friends are all being very dismissive and either aren’t answering my texts or I’m just getting blunt replies. Then again, it could just be the anxiety talking.
yeh anxiety has a way of doing that unfortunately. hopefully with a bit of honest communication you will know where you stand. here is you need xx
 
Fay F

Fay F

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Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
115
Location
Canada
Hey there, I’m so sorry that happened to you, that sounds like a nightmare and I can definitely relate 😖 it would be so much easier if I could just cut this person out of my life but instead my friends insist on keeping him around despite how much he’s hurt me 😫
Maybe lay low from your friends for a while? Try to meet some new people? They don't sound like friends to me if they know how much pain you went through. Sorry dear. :hug:
 
L

LostGirl1987

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Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
286
Location
United Kingdom
yeh anxiety has a way of doing that unfortunately. hopefully with a bit of honest communication you will know where you stand. here is you need xx

Yeah it just sucks tbh, and now knowing that he has some kind of issue with me now just makes my anxiety so much worse because I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong. I guess I was kind of hoping he and I could patch things up but now I just don’t see that happening.
 
L

LostGirl1987

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Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
286
Location
United Kingdom
Maybe lay low from your friends for a while? Try to meet some new people? They don't sound like friends to me if they know how much pain you went through. Sorry dear. :hug:

Yeah maybe, I didn’t see them for quite a while so was really looking forward to seeing them again last night, only to be disappointed. It’s a bit difficult because I’ve never been good at meeting people or making friends, especially now that my trust issues are through the roof. Thank you x
 
Fay F

Fay F

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Messages
115
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Canada
Yeah maybe, I didn’t see them for quite a while so was really looking forward to seeing them again last night, only to be disappointed. It’s a bit difficult because I’ve never been good at meeting people or making friends, especially now that my trust issues are through the roof. Thank you x
I have trust issues too. I never really made new friends after I left all of the old ones. But I've actually come to accept that I don't really want friends. I like acquaintances...you know, online friends, blog buddies etc...real life friendships bring me emotional stress. I've started to lean on myself for anything I need and try to fulfill my life with hobbies, my pets and being out in nature. That's not for everyone and it took me a long time to figure that out about myself. I hope you find a way, it's a sticky situation you're in. :(
 
S

stephy k

Member
Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
19
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Yeah it just sucks tbh, and now knowing that he has some kind of issue with me now just makes my anxiety so much worse because I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong. I guess I was kind of hoping he and I could patch things up but now I just don’t see that happening.
I don't think you have done anything wrong. Its just your anxiety being a meanie! Try and distract yourself if you can until you can talk to your friends. if he is talking to all your friends and coming in on your group he is the problem not you!
 
L

LostGirl1987

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Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
286
Location
United Kingdom
I have trust issues too. I never really made new friends after I left all of the old ones. But I've actually come to accept that I don't really want friends. I like acquaintances...you know, online friends, blog buddies etc...real life friendships bring me emotional stress. I've started to lean on myself for anything I need and try to fulfill my life with hobbies, my pets and being out in nature. That's not for everyone and it took me a long time to figure that out about myself. I hope you find a way, it's a sticky situation you're in. :(

Yeah I think that’s what I need to do, since the new year I’ve been trying to focus on myself and get used to being in my own company, but since the other night I feel like I’ve been sucked into the whirlwind again. I care about my friends a lot but I just wish I could move on from this guy. Like someone would bring him up and then I (being a little drunk) would make a comment like “yeah I don’t like him” but then they’d continue the conversation and I’d just get riled up. Sometimes I feel like they’d rather hang out with him than me. But yeah I think I just need to keep my distance for a little while.
 
L

LostGirl1987

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Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
286
Location
United Kingdom
I don't think you have done anything wrong. Its just your anxiety being a meanie! Try and distract yourself if you can until you can talk to your friends. if he is talking to all your friends and coming in on your group he is the problem not you!

Thank you, that is reassuring 😊 there were moments the other night where one of my friends would bring him up and I’d make a comment like “yeah I don’t like him” etc and I’ve tried talking to my mum about it but she just keeps telling me to get over it, which I’m trying to do but it’s difficult when 1) he’s still in the friend group and 2) other people keep bringing him up in conversation. I think he got annoyed because I said I didn’t really want him there and that’s why he’s unfollowed me etc, so really it’s his issue not mine.
 
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