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I feel no joy, I don’t laugh, all I feel is depression

E

Emotionless1979

New member
Joined
Nov 27, 2019
Messages
1
Location
New York
I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. My life has been hell for the past 10 years. I have lost my parents, my career, my home, and now my children. I find no joy or happiness in life. I wake up, filled with anxiety. I take my meds throughout the day to help but I think they are making me void of emotions. I was sent to jail for 4 days-Friday-Monday. I never received any of my meds-Clonazepam, Adderall, Gabapentin, Doxepin. By Monday I didn’t even know who I was. (I truly believe something happened in jail. I was coherent Sunday evening, I remember something happening between the other inmates, guards against me. That was my last memory for 5 days, besides hallucinations of “the second coming” The jail never notified my fiancé I was released. They dropped me off to a counseling appointment, where apparently I sat in the waiting room for hours until the police brought me to the ER. I had no idea who I was or what was going on. I was also covered in bruises. My fiancé was notified Tuesday by someone who recognized me where I was. He said that all week, I was “awake” but non responsive. I was incontinent of urine and feces, the Drs thought I was brain damaged and thought I would die. Finally Friday I actually “saw” my fiancé when he came to visit. Things still didn’t make sense to me, I couldn’t discern what was real and where hallucinations.) I was completely detoxed off of all of my meds and didn’t feel right. One thing I did notice tho, was that I actually felt emotions. The side effects from withdrawal were still there-the anxiety, my heart would just race and race. They put me back on my meds, which stopped the withdrawal but now I feel nothing but sadness. I can’t take it anymore:(
 
calypso

calypso

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Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
61,941
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HIya and welcome to the forum. You have been through it haven't you? NO wonder you feel the way you do. Have you had a chance to get any therapy for your feelings and experiences? Why did you lose your children? That must have been a huge blow. How old are they? Are you stable now? To not be given your meds in prison is awful! I have heard of this before though.

I hope you find the forum reassuring and kind. Keep posting and we shall listen.
 
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