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I feel more confident speaking in a whisper?

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Darby

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
178
So to give a short backstory to add some perspective, I had speech issues as an infant and went to speech therapy, mainly for my S sounds, it was an unclear/mumbled voice as opposed to a lisp although I did have that as well. I was mildly bullied for it on many occasions and it affected my confidence in speaking ever since.

Some years ago I found that my voice was actually clear but only when I was relaxed and speaking to people I knew well. Well, this turned my world upside down and I felt completely confused for a time. Anyway, I still have trouble with people understanding me, I think it's because I'm so anxious that it messes with my vocals. So I always when I speak since discovering my voice was ok is to overanalyze my voice whilst I speak.

So for example, I say "Hello, how's your day been" to a stranger in small talk, I think about each word as I'm speaking it, sort of over pronouncing it instead of it coming out naturally. So it's in my head "hello" - "how's" - "you're" "da-y" - "bee-n" it must either be hard to understand or it just sounds off-putting because their usual responses are I'm ignored or a negative sounding reply back to me.

Dunno if that makes any sense whatsoever but it's how I would describe it. Anyway if my voice was fine and if I could speak naturally and clearly and just worry about the content of the story or whatever my social anxiety would drop by at least 50 per cent I'm sure.

Well I discovered that when I whisper I no longer have that voice in my head that's analyzing each word, I speak much better.

Why is this? Could I use this to my advantage to try and incorporate it into my normal speaking voice? Has anyone any advice on speaking that they could give me, maybe explain how speaking comes to you?

Is my unclear voice perhaps a symptom of social anxiety or maybe I'm just not speaking loud enough! But speaking loudly makes me 100x more anxious and when I do try to speak louder it comes out as a shout and anyway I don't need to when I'm speaking with family so maybe that's not it.

Why can't people understand what I'm saying is basically what I'm asking

Much love and thanks.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
756
Location
Sweden
Myself had speech issues as a kid, I was totally a later bloomer when it came to learn properly talking.

I had a speech therapist from age of 3 to 12 years old. But I can speak normal if I use words I know how it should sound and they are easy to say. Long words and words I don’t understand how they sounds make me jumble up everything. I can hear the word in my head but can’t pronounce it. In school I got laughed many times for my bad pronunciation and I also got horrible grades in english. Because the more nervous I got the worse my pronunciation became. Which totally didn’t help with my language classes in high school. When I was at my worse or feel really anxious I will start to stutter and shake with my voice.

You can try speaking with a whisper or make online friends. Just a way to practice to talk with other people. Because when you speak with people online you can speak low and they will still be able to hear you.

Otherwise you can speak soft and low with other people. Until you feel a bit more comfortable and slowly build it up. To a voice level you are comfortable with.

Myself change my voice depending on which people I’m talking with and how I feel 😊
 
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