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I feel like the worst person in the world

C

curlywurly

Active member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Leicester
I'm devastated at the moment and can't stop crying. We are friends with a couple and have always gotten on excellently. My husband has been mates with the bloke almost 40 years, his partner and I were like sisters & best friends, they were people I felt truly comfortable with. They know my mental health issues and were always so supportive. Then 2 today's ago my husband got a text from the bloke who said that they couldn't have us in their social circle anymore due to the way I treat him (he didn't expand on this) He said he'd discussed it with other people who all agreed it was best to cut me out of his life. We went away with them 3 weeks ago and had a wonderful time and have been texting each other since so this was totally out of the blue. He ended his text by saying we weren't to get in touch with either of them. I did text his partner expressing my concern that I'd somehow done something that'd hurt him, but she's not replied. All my life, I've never felt good enough and only have a small circle of very trusted friends due to this. I have never felt so hurt and confused and don't know what to do. It's not long until the 1st anniversary of losing my mum and I just can't cope with anymore. I've lost one of the best friends I've ever had, the people I turned to when my mum died. I've barely slept since the message, going over every conversation and event in my head. The self hate is coming back stronger than ever and I'm worried what will happen if I don't sort my head out. Thank you for listening.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
719
Location
California, US
Thats rough and I wish our illnesses were seen as sicknesses and not as personality. By which I mean you're not the worst person in the world. So far as it's known, you don't actually go round burning down orphanages. What if we were to say that for now, your mental health condition is challenging for some people to accommodate in their lives.

That is not the beginning, middle and end of your story it is a sad chapter and we've all written more than one in our story books. Whatever your illness is you do deserve compassion--and I have to believe that because it's the only way I can believe I deserve it too.

My sympathies for your loss, my father has been gone 5 years and his birthday was recent. The pain remains.
 
C

curlywurly

Active member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Leicester
Thats rough and I wish our illnesses were seen as sicknesses and not as personality. By which I mean you're not the worst person in the world. So far as it's known, you don't actually go round burning down orphanages. What if we were to say that for now, your mental health condition is challenging for some people to accommodate in their lives.

That is not the beginning, middle and end of your story it is a sad chapter and we've all written more than one in our story books. Whatever your illness is you do deserve compassion--and I have to believe that because it's the only way I can believe I deserve it too.

My sympathies for your loss, my father has been gone 5 years and his birthday was recent. The pain remains.
Thank you, this helps xx
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
918
I'm devastated at the moment and can't stop crying. We are friends with a couple and have always gotten on excellently. My husband has been mates with the bloke almost 40 years, his partner and I were like sisters & best friends, they were people I felt truly comfortable with. They know my mental health issues and were always so supportive. Then 2 today's ago my husband got a text from the bloke who said that they couldn't have us in their social circle anymore due to the way I treat him (he didn't expand on this) He said he'd discussed it with other people who all agreed it was best to cut me out of his life. We went away with them 3 weeks ago and had a wonderful time and have been texting each other since so this was totally out of the blue. He ended his text by saying we weren't to get in touch with either of them. I did text his partner expressing my concern that I'd somehow done something that'd hurt him, but she's not replied. All my life, I've never felt good enough and only have a small circle of very trusted friends due to this. I have never felt so hurt and confused and don't know what to do. It's not long until the 1st anniversary of losing my mum and I just can't cope with anymore. I've lost one of the best friends I've ever had, the people I turned to when my mum died. I've barely slept since the message, going over every conversation and event in my head. The self hate is coming back stronger than ever and I'm worried what will happen if I don't sort my head out. Thank you for listening.
that does seem odd....will his partner not let you know why this is happening?
 
C

curlywurly

Active member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Leicester
that does seem odd....will his partner not let you know why this is happening?
No, she won't reply to my message and he hasn't replied to any that my husband has sent either. I genuinely don't understand but I don't feel like I can keep messaging them. My anxiety is through the roof and I just feel sad.
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,387
Location
Canada
You don't sound like a bad person. Just one who struggles.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
How horrible of them! To not give you an explanation or let you discuss it is so cold. I remember you mentioning this couple before as you were concerned they may be splitting up. I know the timing of this will make things even worse with the anniversary of losing your mum. I know how much this hurts but this is not because you are not good enough. You sound like a lovely and caring person. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Please be gentle with yourself.
 
C

curlywurly

Active member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Leicester
How horrible of them! To not give you an explanation or let you discuss it is so cold. I remember you mentioning this couple before as you were concerned they may be splitting up. I know the timing of this will make things even worse with the anniversary of losing your mum. I know how much this hurts but this is not because you are not good enough. You sound like a lovely and caring person. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Please be gentle with yourself.
Thank you so much for this. Yes, this is the couple that split up, they got back together, funnily enough with our help. My husband thinks we should just move on, to him they're dead, but I'm just so sad and hurt I need time to process. I know it won't make any difference, but I think I need to grieve. Thank you again for your message, it reminded me that I'm worthy xxx
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Thank you so much for this. Yes, this is the couple that split up, they got back together, funnily enough with our help. My husband thinks we should just move on, to him they're dead, but I'm just so sad and hurt I need time to process. I know it won't make any difference, but I think I need to grieve. Thank you again for your message, it reminded me that I'm worthy xxx
I understand you needing to grieve. You put so much into the friendship. I think your husband just has a different way of dealing with it. You are worthy. Please do not forget that.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
918
Thank you so much for this. Yes, this is the couple that split up, they got back together, funnily enough with our help. My husband thinks we should just move on, to him they're dead, but I'm just so sad and hurt I need time to process. I know it won't make any difference, but I think I need to grieve. Thank you again for your message, it reminded me that I'm worthy xxx
i think your husband is right.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
719
Location
California, US
My husband thinks we should just move on, to him they're dead, but I'm just so sad and hurt I need time to process.
I'm not sure how to suggest you simply move on if you're feeling deeply hurt by this. You can change the relationship with that pain is the best I can offer.

My disclosure: I'm a person living with MDD/GAD and this has affected my last two long term relationships. And I have hurt people, some whom i have been unsuccessful in making a repair with even after I reached a stretch of recovery. I tell myself this because it’s true and authenticly me but you do you.

We're not the problem. We accept that we'll never be without problems. We want to learn how to have better problems.
 
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