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I feel like the greatest stupid

C

Choutts

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Germany
Hey, Im a total weirdo since I was like 10 yrs old. Ive never been good at social situations in my childhood and only really had ond group of friends, which sticked together for a long time but now were all starting university so everything is shifting. I always feel great fear of the future, I keep doubting all my choices. I came to live with two friends in germany (im argentinian and grew up in brazil), I keep feeling guilty that Im only wasting my dads money (hes been financing all my shit). I want help, finally. Ive always hated my skin because I just cant talk to people.. My brain freezes, only if it is my old group I feel safe. I can go further into detail, maybe I will further. Im finally going to go for help, I cant take being myself anymore. Not in the personality kind of way but in how I am around people. Im never myself.
 
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Freesong

Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Messages
24
Location
US
Hi Choutts. Welcome to MHF. I am sorry you feel guilty about the past and your family supporting you and about talking to people. Online is a good way to get comfortable with people in a slow easy way.

What I hear, sounds like you are portraying yourself in a negative light. That must make you feel even worse about yourself. If you want to change, building self esteem may be a good start.

What I do is try to imagine what I really like to do and then try it. If I think I am not a good artist, no matter, I buy art supplies and start painting. Maybe I take a class. Maybe I do a job that might be of interest. Maybe I volunteer to see what working in a place is like.

You sound like you do not feel like a success now, so if I hear you correctly, why not try to live life and find out the real talents you have to give to this world. Unless we try, we may never know what our real gift is.
 
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C

Choutts

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Germany
Hi Choutts. Welcome to MHF. I am sorry you feel guilty about the past and your family supporting you and about talking to people. Online is a good way to get comfortable with people in a slow easy way.

What I hear, sounds like you are portraying yourself in a negative light. That must make you feel even worse about yourself. If you want to change, building self esteem may be a good start.

What I do is try to imagine what I really like to do and then try it. If I think I am not a good artist, no matter, I buy art supplies and start painting. Maybe I take a class. Maybe I do a job that might be of interest. Maybe I volunteer to see what working in a place is like.

You sound like you do not feel like a success now, so if I hear you correctly, why not try to live life and find out the real talents you have to give to this world. Unless we try, we may never know what our real gift is.
Yeah Ive never really had any self-esteem, I never think I deserve something. The thing is im never sure about something I do (Jobs and my uni course now) and I keep planting ideas in my own head that Im not worth it or that I let myself be influenced. The only thing that keeps me together is my family. One strange thing is that Im forgetting everything and I blame it on weed, but Im not sure if it is the cause or not, I already thought I had mental issues before and there is really just one friend I talk with about all of it, my mental health and how I really feel... Im starting a philosophy course now but am already feeling unsure about it. And being so unsure always ends up spiralling down a depressed state of mind and an even lower self-esteem. Ive tought about suicide, but would never do it, my family needs me. My lifes been pretty complicated with mixes of sucess and failure, but I always shine the light on failure and mistakes... I think Im gonna check up with a psychologist at uni(they have a service for it and its free for us) and see what he thinks, I mean I do see whats wrong, I just cant act and feel overwhelmed. Maybe it has something to do with me leaving my safe place in my homeland and coming to adventure and try my life here, I left my hobbies, my family, my place and most of the things I like there (not that many things, Ive always been kinda disconnected from stuff). But reading about people going through similar things is good and I really think this forum will help. :) Thanks!
 
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hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
899
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
It sounds like you have social anxiety, and there may be more too. I've suffered with social anxiety all my life. Same as you, brain freeze, can't think what to say, just end up feeling really awkward, and it shows.
What kind of social situations make you uncomfortable? I'm better on a one to one basis. Group social things always make me uncomfortable. I hate being the focus of attention!
 
C

Choutts

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Germany
It sounds like you have social anxiety, and there may be more too. I've suffered with social anxiety all my life. Same as you, brain freeze, can't think what to say, just end up feeling really awkward, and it shows.
What kind of social situations make you uncomfortable? I'm better on a one to one basis. Group social things always make me uncomfortable. I hate being the focus of attention!
Most of them which involve picking a topic and small-talk. I can just talk when the topic is near me and not even then I say the things I wanted to say. When its predeternined situations like when going to job interviews I mostly am not so horrible at it, but for example I got to know some new people but didnt really build a connexion with any of them. I know their name and am able to ask like, what course you taking and so on but I never really talk unless its one to one or a person I really liked. With women its even harder for me, I cant talk at all and I keep thinking they dont want me near them and Im just annoying them. It may be because Ive always been introverted and ended up unlearning to talk to other people that arent 'my own'. Online is where I had most of my friends and that collapsed like 5 yrs ago when we all quitted a game and only talked very sporadically. Ive lied to my dad about having a gf because I didnt want to admit I was horrible with girls. Ive never had anything near a gf, however I think that at least two girls have been into me, but I always petrified when it came to doing something.
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
899
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
The thing is with interviews, it's by and large a pre-determined course of dialogue. If you do enough interviews (like I have!) you get to know the 'script'. I think of myself as a good interviewee now, because I've got a lot of the answers prepared.
Whereas with social small talk, it's very much free format, and my brain is not good at thinking on its feet. Add to that my crushing sense of self-consciousness, and well you can see the problems.

But think of it this way - the person you're talking to probably has the same sense of anxiousness, to some degree. They may even be intimidated by you. People who are quiet tend to be perceived as unfriendly, and if you don't speak much, others may assume that what you're thinking about them isn't good. You can put the other person at ease by opening up a bit. Sharing your thoughts.
I've watched my Mum, who is quite honestly the best social person I've ever seen. Wish I'd inherited some of those genes, because she can meet a stranger, and within minutes be having a wonderful conversation with them and be totally comfortable.

I think socialising is a skill, which many people have a natural ability for. But as with any skill, you can improve to a greater or lesser extent, with practice. These days I try to force myself to exchange at least superficial pleasantries with people. You know, the 'how are you', 'what did you do at the weekend' type of thing. And it helps to remember what others tell you they are *going* to do. You can then ask them how it went later. I think people like that because it shows you have some level of interest in their life.
 
C

Choutts

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Germany
The thing is with interviews, it's by and large a pre-determined course of dialogue. If you do enough interviews (like I have!) you get to know the 'script'. I think of myself as a good interviewee now, because I've got a lot of the answers prepared.
Whereas with social small talk, it's very much free format, and my brain is not good at thinking on its feet. Add to that my crushing sense of self-consciousness, and well you can see the problems.

But think of it this way - the person you're talking to probably has the same sense of anxiousness, to some degree. They may even be intimidated by you. People who are quiet tend to be perceived as unfriendly, and if you don't speak much, others may assume that what you're thinking about them isn't good. You can put the other person at ease by opening up a bit. Sharing your thoughts.
I've watched my Mum, who is quite honestly the best social person I've ever seen. Wish I'd inherited some of those genes, because she can meet a stranger, and within minutes be having a wonderful conversation with them and be totally comfortable.

I think socialising is a skill, which many people have a natural ability for. But as with any skill, you can improve to a greater or lesser extent, with practice. These days I try to force myself to exchange at least superficial pleasantries with people. You know, the 'how are you', 'what did you do at the weekend' type of thing. And it helps to remember what others tell you they are *going* to do. You can then ask them how it went later. I think people like that because it shows you have some level of interest in their life.
Yes, my dream is be able to be so open. However I always end up reflecting if Im shallow and thats the reason I dont open up. Since I was never really interested in sth to a point where I spent a SHIT ton of time doing it. Just videogames, but that now seems as more of an addiction to me. I needed videogames so that I wouldnt think about how bad I was (I think of it that way now, when I was younger I just loved games tbh). Well, I should train socialising and will do today as Im going to a bar with some guys from my course. I hope I wont be that awkard this time. What comes to my mind too, is that I think I chose wrong ppl to hangout (partly), Im a pothead since some months and used to smoke quite a lot of weed and that sunk me even deeper I think, now I dont even enjoy smoking, so Im in the middle of a pause. What really triggered my anxiety again is me being unsure about my course at the uni I think. I also am coming to realize how some "friends" dont really care about me, or maybe its me blaming them, Im unsure still. I know it sucks to feel so alone.
 
F

Freesong

Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Messages
24
Location
US
Yeah Ive never really had any self-esteem, I never think I deserve something. The thing is im never sure about something I do (Jobs and my uni course now) and I keep planting ideas in my own head that Im not worth it or that I let myself be influenced. The only thing that keeps me together is my family. One strange thing is that Im forgetting everything and I blame it on weed, but Im not sure if it is the cause or not, I already thought I had mental issues before and there is really just one friend I talk with about all of it, my mental health and how I really feel... Im starting a philosophy course now but am already feeling unsure about it. And being so unsure always ends up spiralling down a depressed state of mind and an even lower self-esteem. Ive tought about suicide, but would never do it, my family needs me. My lifes been pretty complicated with mixes of sucess and failure, but I always shine the light on failure and mistakes... I think Im gonna check up with a psychologist at uni(they have a service for it and its free for us) and see what he thinks, I mean I do see whats wrong, I just cant act and feel overwhelmed. Maybe it has something to do with me leaving my safe place in my homeland and coming to adventure and try my life here, I left my hobbies, my family, my place and most of the things I like there (not that many things, Ive always been kinda disconnected from stuff). But reading about people going through similar things is good and I really think this forum will help. :) Thanks!
Hi Choutts. Sorry to feel you have memory issues and are depressed. A friend told me that the more they tried to treat their depression by self medicating, the more depressed they got when the high wore off. Eventually they got tired of the cycle of getting high and then getting really depressed and started taking the medicine their psychiatrist prescribed for them until they started to get more stable.

If you want to start taking steps to build your self esteem, you can google that and get some tips.
 
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