I feel like she died but she didn't

R

rosiered

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2018
Messages
135
#1
My mother's health has gotten really bad and now she has dementia. She was at my place visiting in July and she was not feeling well and had back pains. She just wasn't herself at all. She stayed a few days like she usually did and then said she felt alright and wanted me to take her home so I did. After I got her settled at her home I got in my car and started driving and then all of a sudden this horrible sadness came over me and I felt like I couldn't breathe and I started crying so bad and couldn't stop. I pulled over and cried for the longest time and felt like my mother had died. I was as heartbroken and felt just as bad as if she really had died. I went back to her place but she was pretty much the same as when I dropped her off earlier but my feeling didn't change at all, I still felt like she had died even though she didn't.
And now it's months later and she's been in and out of hospital and now lives with my sister but I still feel like she died. I have a hard time to go visit her which is something I always did and I'm feeling grief and anger and depression and guilt and I just don't know what to do about the way I'm feeling. I know she's she's still alive but I feel like she died.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,440
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#2
rosiered, I understand this grief and crying. My son took my mother far away to another state to live near him. She was 86. And I am disabled and can't take long trips. So I realized I'd never see her again and that was just like she had died. And I had to let go of her to a degree.
 
R

rosiered

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2018
Messages
135
#3
Thank you Poopy Doll for your understanding and sharing. It makes me feel less alone with the way I feel.