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I feel like my friends avoid me (rant)

blurrypeach

blurrypeach

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My friends always tell me they have no time to go out with me. One time it's school. Then work. Then anxiety. Then family problems.

But I constantly see pics of them on FB, Instagram, etc. where they go out with other people or family... or they even talk about their days out with friends in group chats... So one would think they are avoiding me.

But at the same time, all of them tell me they miss me, that I am a valuable friend, that I am a beautiful person, that they are always going to be there for me, and so on!
This makes me profoundly angry. Are they all lying to me? Are they all incoherent/hypocrites? I don't understand.
They even text me first at times, have no problem talking to me via text messages. I have no clue as to why they act like this.

This happens very often and with all of my friends, maybe a few exceptions here and there but nothing that significant, if there are they are extremely rare.

The worse thing is I am ALWAYS there for my friends. Whenever they need me I am there. Whenever I see they are sad or overwhelmed by problems I message them, listen to them for hours, ask them if they wanna talk face to face no matter the distance. I never disclose their secrets, I never judge their choices or problems whatsoever. But their actions leave me confused. I feel used and, at the same time, useless. Nobody in my life right now seems to want to be close friends with me...

Please note I am not talking about one or two occasions but plenty; this has been going on for months :cry: I feel like curling up in my bed and never talk to anyone ever again
 
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BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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It took me about 40 years to learn that I wasn't the centre of anyone elses universe.

I have one friend who I NEVER call, not ever, because she just doesn't pick up the phone. To anyone, it doesn't matter who it is. She's always either working or training, literally, she is a competitive runner and now shotputter as well as working full time.

You have to learn to let ppl go, I think. If they come back, they're yours. The friend above is the only constant person in my life (apart from 1 other) in the last 10 years, and that's because I don't expect a single thing from her.

It sucks, but you have to learn to do things on your own.

I found it a major problem when married with babies. I still wanted to go out but everyone else was pregnant. I just started doing stuff on my own, now I prefer it that way.

JMO.
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

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I'm sorry but I don't get what you mean. I never thought in my entire life that I am the centre of anyone's universe. I don't understand.

I do try to let people go, but am I supposed to let go of EVERYONE? I feel EXTRENELY lonely already, if I let go of everyone then what am I to do?? Do you believe me if I tell you that the last time I saw a friend of mine was the end November. I only go to school, that's the only place I socialize a bit. That is the exact opposite of believing I am the centre of everyone else's universe.

Like i am not saying they should message me ALL the time and go out with me ONLY and ALL the time. I just find it strange how I ask them multiple times and they never have time only for me, but then they tell me how I'm such an amazing friend - via messages. I even try to stop asking them for some time and trying again, they say "yeah we should meet sometime" and then they meet with so many people but me. I find this strange and it makes me confused an angry, I think my feelings are legit.
 
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blurrypeach

blurrypeach

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And BTW just wanted to add I have let several people go, somr came back some didn't. I lived 18 years without them until now, I can go on and live even more years without them. The only reason I am posting about this is because the signals my friends are giving me are conflicting.
 
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blurrypeach

blurrypeach

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I suppose if the majority of my friends act like this there is either a problem within me or IDK what. The thought haunts me. I am always trying to become a better person and when I fail I beat myself up.
 
H

Helena1

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Sorry this is happening to you. Are you in school with them or do they live in the same city as you?
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

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Sorry this is happening to you. Are you in school with them or do they live in the same city as you?

Some live in the same city as me. But most either come to my city very often (school, or to meet friends) or live very close by. Only one friend lives far away.

Aso I changed school a few months ago so I don't see my former classmates everyday anymore, and I'm still getting to know my new classmates.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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I'm sorry but I don't get what you mean. I never thought in my entire life that I am the centre of anyone's universe. I don't understand.

I do try to let people go, but am I supposed to let go of EVERYONE? I feel EXTRENELY lonely already, if I let go of everyone then what am I to do?? Do you believe me if I tell you that the last time I saw a friend of mine was the end November. I only go to school, that's the only place I socialize a bit. That is the exact opposite of believing I am the centre of everyone else's universe.

Like i am not saying they should message me ALL the time and go out with me ONLY and ALL the time. I just find it strange how I ask them multiple times and they never have time only for me, but then they tell me how I'm such an amazing friend - via messages. I even try to stop asking them for some time and trying again, they say "yeah we should meet sometime" and then they meet with so many people but me. I find this strange and it makes me confused an angry, I think my feelings are legit.

Yes.

In a word.

You are talking about school which means youre young. Your old friends have moved on, and they are allowed to move on.

I'm sorry, I know how isolating it feels. But you cannot force other people to do what you want them to do, or be how you want them to be.
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

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Yes.

In a word.

You are talking about school which means youre young. Your old friends have moved on, and they are allowed to move on.

I'm sorry, I know how isolating it feels. But you cannot force other people to do what you want them to do, or be how you want them to be.

I never said I wanted to force them. If I wanted to then I would have.
Fine, I'll just be on my own, whatever it takes.
Thanks for your replies
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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I never said I wanted to force them. If I wanted to then I would have.
Fine, I'll just be on my own, whatever it takes.
Thanks for your replies

and its probably THAT attitude, that has you on your own.

Most people have enough issues without taking on other peoples.
 
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Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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i feel really bad for you ,its horrible to feel we are being avoided or ignored ,its hurtful and makes my mental health worse

could you write them a little note to explain how you are feeling? if they are really your friends they will want to make your friendships work and be there for you

try not to get upset ,you have made many friends on this forum im sure ,i know thats not the same
but you are loved ,i promise
love Lu x
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope things get better for you. Try joining some clubs locally and then you will meet some new friends.
Take care
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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I read this thread, and I am baffled. You seem like a genuinely nice person, and your friends should be proud of you. I am not sure why this is happening. Do you think it is to do with stigma?
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

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Messages
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Europe
i feel really bad for you ,its horrible to feel we are being avoided or ignored ,its hurtful and makes my mental health worse

could you write them a little note to explain how you are feeling? if they are really your friends they will want to make your friendships work and be there for you

try not to get upset ,you have made many friends on this forum im sure ,i know thats not the same
but you are loved ,i promise
love Lu x
Hi dear. thanks for your reply, I'll think about it.
:hug:

Hi,
I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope things get better for you. Try joining some clubs locally and then you will meet some new friends.
Take care
Hi thanks for your reply. I was thinking of doing that, there are a couple new in my town.

I read this thread, and I am baffled. You seem like a genuinely nice person, and your friends should be proud of you. I am not sure why this is happening. Do you think it is to do with stigma?
Hi, honestly I think I must've done something wrong, either recently or in the past, so I am trying to understand, or maybe something I do often/that is part of me. I told only 1 friend about my mental health problems and she was understanding and supportive so it's not stigma. I am part of a minority, and face racism often so that doesn't help but I don't think it is a huge factor.
 
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