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I feel like i've lived 3 lives

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lifecangetbetter

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If you take my actual life, my hallucinations, and my daydreams into consideration I've seriously lived 3 lives. It's so not fair and I'm just tired of my soul. I'm always thinking "this is why I don't like you" about myself. I can't stand myself cause all I do is hallucinate it's literally impossible to like myself. I can barely control ANYTHING of my life.
 
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Marianda

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@lifecangetbetter I also feel like I've lived plenty of lives . I don't hallucinate . I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I see people cruising happy in this life and for me everything is more difficult. I have to put 3 times the effort in everything . Attaining my goals is 3 x more difficult in comparison to any normal person. I feel exhausted and all I want is this life to finish.
 
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lifecangetbetter

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I'm exhausted. I mean seriously exhausted. when I told my friend what was on my mind she said "it must be EXHAUSTING being you" and I said yeah that's why I sleep all the time. I'm fucking tired of this so called life which isn't even a life if so much of it isn't fucking real. That's what pisses me off alot, is that a lot of it is NOT REAL. it's so unfair. I've been ROBBED.
 
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emmaleemochizuki

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I feel you on this!!!
 
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Marianda

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I'm exhausted. I mean seriously exhausted. when I told my friend what was on my mind she said "it must be EXHAUSTING being you" and I said yeah that's why I sleep all the time. I'm fucking tired of this so called life which isn't even a life if so much of it isn't fucking real. That's what pisses me off alot, is that a lot of it is NOT REAL. it's so unfair. I've been ROBBED.
I totally understand. I'm exhausted as well and things keep turning worse for me. Sometimes I wonder if this is real or if some evil entity is having fun torturing me in this way.
 
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always2020

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How horrible yet funny in a weird way. I watched an entity film when young, they are not nice. Update on me, sorry for all the posts, I do get repetitive and a bit senseless when stressed.
 
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noodless

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I felt this way for years. Worn out and tired/exhausted. Like my motor (brain) was running out of oil and running dry. Or like a robot with its "wires" losing their insulation and throwing sparks. Mentally out of stamina, overstressed, fried. Also, out of luck. Shit on. Like an entity is tormenting me, as you said.

My doctor increased Celexa from 20mg to 40mg, which helped with my depression, and I sort of feel rejuvenated. I still have racing thoughts and paranoia, but they don't "feel" as exhausting/tiresome. I have mental reserves and more energy. I still "crash" emotionally sometimes, but it's better than before.

Also, I met someone I really like and being around her makes life feel like life has a point again. This is a hugely relieving feeling! Like getting an injection of youth. Also, I am going to the gym with a trainer which feels good after you're done. I hope things stay this way or improve further.
 
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Marianda

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I felt this way for years. Worn out and tired/exhausted. Like my motor (brain) was running out of oil and running dry. Or like a robot with its "wires" losing their insulation and throwing sparks. Mentally out of stamina, overstressed, fried. Also, out of luck. Shit on. Like an entity is tormenting me, as you said.

My doctor increased Celexa from 20mg to 40mg, which helped with my depression, and I sort of feel rejuvenated. I still have racing thoughts and paranoia, but they don't "feel" as exhausting/tiresome. I have mental reserves and more energy. I still "crash" emotionally sometimes. But it's better than before.

Also, I met someone I really like and being around her makes life feel like life has a point again. This is a hugely relieving feeling! Like getting an injection of youth. Also, I am going to the gym with a trainer which feels good after you're done. I hope things stay this way or improve further.
Hi I also take Celexa 20mg. However right now I'm taking 20mg one day and 10mg on the next day . If I take 20mg every day I can't sleep.

I'm still feeling depressed and worn out. I have scary thoughts. I feel fear everyday. I tried to increase my Celexa dose by taking 20mg every day but I could not sleep. You are lucky you can tolerate 40mg.

The only way for me to surviive this situation is by taking benzos ( alprazolam = xanax). I know benzos are bad but as a result of my depression and anxiety I descend to very dark levels and sometimes it's unbearable.

You are also lucky you found someone you like. I wish I could too but right now my life is a complete mess. I would like to date when I feel more stable.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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If you take my actual life, my hallucinations, and my daydreams into consideration I've seriously lived 3 lives. It's so not fair and I'm just tired of my soul. I'm always thinking "this is why I don't like you" about myself. I can't stand myself cause all I do is hallucinate it's literally impossible to like myself. I can barely control ANYTHING of my life.
I understand this for my thought life, not being able to control thoughts or patterns of thought, inaccessible logic and blanked out memories.
 
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lifecangetbetter

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its just weird. i think things and im like why the HELL did i think that? i don't believe it at all. and my thoughts are super disorganized, I've though "oh well" like 20 times in a row. and after it happens im like what in the FUCK?
(im not the type to think oh well, im the type to PANIC)
 
Zero One

Zero One

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its just weird. i think things and im like why the HELL did i think that? i don't believe it at all. and my thoughts are super disorganized, I've though "oh well" like 20 times in a row. and after it happens im like what in the FUCK?
(im not the type to think oh well, im the type to PANIC)
This sounds like me before psychosis really took an onset. I wish I knew to go to a psychiatrist then.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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Yes I'm on Seroquel, hydroxyzine, lorazepam, divalproex, topiramate and Wellbutrin
 
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lifecangetbetter

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How does the divalproex help you? I've been interested in that med because it works on the inhibitory neuron GABA and I have quite the temper
 
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noodless

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You are also lucky you found someone you like. I wish I could too but right now my life is a complete mess. I would like to date when I feel more stable.
I'm not seeing her. It's just that it opened my eyes a bit. In a few weeks/months I will probably feel like shit again. Shouldn't have mentioned it, sorry.
 

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