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I feel like..i'm not strong enough

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Klee67

Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Ireland
Hi who ever stumbles upon this...

I'm new to this forum but i've been an active reader. I think it is about time I post myself rather than constantly trying to find someone struggling like me.

It all started about two years ago and I attended counselling last year but I didn't open up and I caused self sabotage. I seem to do this alot, anything good in my life I ruin or tarnish. I've depression and anxiety.
I never feel good enough for anything or anyone.

I'm not a skinny girl, I'm a stocky girl.. One thing that really annoys me is when people are always like "Oh my god, you're not fat!" like there is no point in lying to my face? I obviously know that I carry weight, I'm not ashamed for being the way i am, but unfortunately no matter how many diets I go on and no matter how healthy I eat. I just cant seem to budge it.
Even though I'm not ashamed of my weight, I am embarrassed to be my weight because I know how people think.
Recently I went to McDonalds with my three friends who are all skinny girls. I only ever order a medium meal because that's all i'd be able to eat. Unfortunately, I see the eyes; I know that they are looking at me thinking “does she really need more food?” so I feel extremely self-concise and I just want to vanish so no one can see me anymore.
When it really hits bad, I wonder does anyone feel the same? Ill give a few examples

I’m ugly... again this is something I know is true, but people always try to tell me otherwise and this whole “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” Is a load of crap. I’m ugly simple as.
I’m fat. Again, I know this to be true.
I embarrass my friends
I don’t have a good personality
I’m not funny
I’m not fun to be around
I’m a mess

and so much more. I just don't think i can do it much more...
 
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sallimae76

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 18, 2019
Messages
478
Location
USA
You have friends, so you have more of a personality than you think. Or else, you would have no friends. I am also "stocky" and unattractive. I try to dress well and be clean to make up for it. Not everyone can look like a movie star. Focus on your interests and pursue them. Be a good friend, and be a good listener for others. Be someone that can enjoy a laugh. I have made peace with the fact that I am unattractive. It is not a crime.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
1,465
Location
London
I dont want to say this but unless you have a rare medical condition it should be possible to lose weight. I weighed 22 stone 3 months ago i hated the way i looked. i felt ashamed and was not able to do much. i cut my calories, exercised, eat healthy, have 1 cheat meal a week, in 12 weeks i lost over 4 stone. You can change you just need a hand seek help try everything. You will fall it is how it is but you WILL get up some days will be harder than others but you will come out on the other side. I relate much with you but if you can be honest with yourself about your weight you will be stuck in a vortex getting deeper and deeper into the abysses
 
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K

Klee67

Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Ireland
You have friends, so you have more of a personality than you think. Or else, you would have no friends. I am also "stocky" and unattractive. I try to dress well and be clean to make up for it. Not everyone can look like a movie star. Focus on your interests and pursue them. Be a good friend, and be a good listener for others. Be someone that can enjoy a laugh. I have made peace with the fact that I am unattractive. It is not a crime.
Hi Sallie-Mae,

Thank you for your response, I also try to dress well etc but I feel worse at times as I know i'm not pulling it off well.. But I'm delighted to hear this works for you!!
I've lost interest in alot of things..

I feel I am coming off as a severe pessimist but I was a good friend and even better listener in the end, the "friend" only had their interests at heart and didn't care for me. I tend to refrain from trusting many people these days as I get left out more than anyone should..

I am making peace, thank you.
 
K

Klee67

Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Ireland
I dont want to say this but unless you have a rare medical condition it should be possible to lose weight. I weighed 22 stone 3 months ago i hated the way i looked. i felt ashamed and was not able to do much. i cut my calories, exercised, eat healthy, have 1 cheat meal a week, in 12 weeks i lost over 4 stone. You can change you just need a hand seek help try everything. You will fal
l it is how it is but you WILL get up some days will be harder than others but you will come out on the other side. I relate much with you but if you can be honest with yourself about your weight you will be stuck in a vortex getting deeper and deeper into the abysses

I don't have a rare medical condition, I have an under active thyroid which is very stubborn and wont react to the tablets for me. So it is extremely difficult for me to loose weight, i had lost a stone and it started to pile on me whilst i was on a diet as well as exercising profusely..

I'm having more bad days than good lately.... I agreee with you there but i cant get out of it..
 
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sallimae76

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 18, 2019
Messages
478
Location
USA
I'll send good thoughts your way. Feel free to send me a personal message anytime you want to talk.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
1,465
Location
London
I don't have a rare medical condition, I have an under active thyroid which is very stubborn and wont react to the tablets for me. So it is extremely difficult for me to loose weight, i had lost a stone and it started to pile on me whilst i was on a diet as well as exercising profusely..

I'm having more bad days than good lately.... I agreee with you there but i cant get out of it..
have you been diagnosed with a under-active thyroid ? or self diagnosed
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
458
I am not so attractive or beautiful myself. I guess we do the best we can. My worse problem is my depression and bad mental state. Do you have any mental health issues as well, are you being treated for mental health, or only for under active thyroid?
 
K

Klee67

Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Ireland
I am not so attractive or beautiful myself. I guess we do the best we can. My worse problem is my depression and bad mental state. Do you have any mental health issues as well, are you being treated for mental health, or only for under active thyroid?
I’ve depression and anxiety as well as the under active thyroid. I’m a basically a hot mess, my worst problem is definitely my depression though. Just keep powering on til we die, I guess
 
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indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
812
Location
UK
Hi Klee. So you know you have d&a. What types I dont know. If you speak to your GP or counselor to explain them. Depression distorts your view of everything. It alters perception. Steals the last drop of confidence. Its the opposite of rose tinted glasses. Yet you dont see that when youre in it.You think what you see and feel is the absolute truth.
BDD is also linked to depression. You may have this. Again I cant diagnose. I say might because it may be poor self esteem or full blown BDD. Peer pressure will add another layer on top. Maybe you have a food issue aswell.
Sticking with a treatment plan is the way forward. Its important to get the right talking treatment and the right person. Dont ever feel stupid or ashamed or that youre wasting someones time x
 
D

Dorf

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Messages
78
Location
Merseyside
I don't think you can expect reassurance when everyone else is suffering one way or another. People can only share their experiences to help you decide the best way forward that could work for you. I have bought supplements online many times when I'd tried everything the doctor could prescribe. Sometimes it's a case of trial and error and how desperate you feel that you will look further afield for help, hope you find something that works for you
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
226
Location
UK
I’m ugly - I can't see you but beautiful and ugly are subjective. There is a societal/media view of beautiful that is fairly narrow. By this definition of beauty, most people are not beautiful. Even if you are ugly (in your own eyes, or in the eyes of some other people), beauty cannot feed or sustain us. There are many people who are not beautiful. It is one facet of the human experience. Beyond beauty, our bodies are functional. They are tools and equipment. Your body moves, breathes, runs, fights, protects you, sees, hears. Your body should be respected for more than how it looks, especially by you.

I’m fat - Again I can't see you. Maybe you are fat. So what? Fat can be lost. It really can. You don't have to be toothpick thin, nor do you need to be fat. This is one of the biggest things you can control and don't believe the lies that say 'some people are just fat, my family are fat, my genes are to be fat.' This is all untrue.

I embarrass my friends - Do you? Or do you just think you do? If you embarrass them, they are not true friends.

I don’t have a good personality - What counts as a good personality? Are you kind? Nice? Are you thoughtful? Can you make a joke? Do you care? You are being hard on yourself in all ways. I am sure there are many wonderful things about your personality. Again, this can be developed.

I’m not funny - According to who?

I’m not fun to be around - According to who?

I’m a mess - So are we all in our own ways.

You are worthy.
You are enough.
You deserve to be here.
You deserve to be loved.
You deserve to respect yourself.
You deserve to see the good in yourself.

You are a human, you have feelings, that is enough for you to deserve respect, love and kindness.

The world can be cruel. Do not be cruel to yourself.

Sending you love, acceptance and kindness.
 
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