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I feel like I'm in limbo

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Artemisea

Member
Joined
Oct 30, 2019
Messages
10
Location
UK
Hello all,

I'm new to this kind of setting and am not sure how to go about describing what cluster of crazy is going on between my ears. But I'll give it a go, I feel like I'm the snake eating its tail, everything I do to cope just buys some time till the next round comes.

I moved countries back in June from the states to England, and recently married at the end of September. The visa I'm currently on limits me so I cannot work or even volunteer... I used to work 50+ hours a week and used it as a crutch to try and ignore the symptoms of my depression and anxiety. No one questioned why I'd stay in bed most of the day when I was off work, or why I would drive somewhere secluded to be alone since I was "probably just stressed over work."

This bandaid really came back to bite me, since I'm in an area where I can't work, volunteer, drive or travel unless its on public transit. All the hours I'm left to myself is taking a toll on me. I know taking some time to reflect on things can sometimes be good, but to this extent feels like it's doing too much harm. I can't get a GP, since my next visa to allow me to stay as a resident hasn't been processed yet.

I know my husband feels badly about my current state since he's told me as much. He told me he feels powerless to help and it really hit home just how much of a limbo we're in. I feel that much worse about things because I know from past experience there's nothing I can do about the waves of down days and anxiety but to keep a stiff upper lip and hope it passes after a week or two.

I guess what I'm looking for is suggestions about what to do in the time between now and when I can get to a GP? Home office is doing their own thing and our solicitor said it could be a number of weeks or months before my paperwork is returned. (The GP I spoke to about becoming a patient of said I can't register with them until my National Insurance number is given to me.) I've steadily been having more and more trouble sleeping, but when I'm awake it's like there's lead in my joints that pull me down. My appetite has diminished to the point that I've set alarms to remind myself to eat because I simply don't have the urge. At least twice a day I'll be in the middle of a sentence or listening to someone talk and burst into tears for no reason. My outburst today was particularly bad... I had a sudden urge to cry and got frustrated, which turned to anger.

I talked to my husband who suggested I look into finding a forum with others with anxiety/depression backgrounds, since as much as he'd like to help, he knows he doesn't have the insight that could help as much as someone who has experienced something similar to me.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'd appreciate any suggestions about how to cope.
 
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goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
441
There are some really nice people on the forum that can give you advice. I'm not too familiar with depression. It must be fascinating to be in England. I would be grocery shopping all the time to find out there exotic food. Do you like shopping or maybe going to a park or maybe a puzzle. I've started to like puzzles. It's good to do some with multiple shapes and colors.
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,784
Location
Florida
Hey it will be okay I promise-When I get crazy in the head and can not stop the emotions-I just keep telling myself with my arms wrapped around me that is going to be okay. That I am okay. These feelings will pass. The feelings and emotions do pass-sometimes not quick enough. Gosh when I feel sick I look like a zombie and act like one too. Nothing can pull me out of this except time passing. I am in a good situation as my son and roommate know to leave me alone after so many years living with me. So all I can say is it takes time. I see a therapist I am on medications. But I still have my awful down times. Like I said when it gets so bad I just hug myself and tell myself it is okay. I will be okay. This will not last.

I feel so bad for you-in a new country just married and having to deal with everything. Where is your family? I do not have close ties to my family so I do not have their support. I have one friend who is a nut job. She has no mental health problems but she is way out in the twilight zone. I can hardly talk to her anymore. I think you will find this forum a life saver. People will get to know you and you will get to know others Please feel free to PM anytime. Love and hugs and best wishes Jules
 
A

Artemisea

Member
Joined
Oct 30, 2019
Messages
10
Location
UK
Hey it will be okay I promise-When I get crazy in the head and can not stop the emotions-I just keep telling myself with my arms wrapped around me that is going to be okay. That I am okay. These feelings will pass. The feelings and emotions do pass-sometimes not quick enough. Gosh when I feel sick I look like a zombie and act like one too. Nothing can pull me out of this except time passing. I am in a good situation as my son and roommate know to leave me alone after so many years living with me. So all I can say is it takes time. I see a therapist I am on medications. But I still have my awful down times. Like I said when it gets so bad I just hug myself and tell myself it is okay. I will be okay. This will not last.

I feel so bad for you-in a new country just married and having to deal with everything. Where is your family? I do not have close ties to my family so I do not have their support. I have one friend who is a nut job. She has no mental health problems but she is way out in the twilight zone. I can hardly talk to her anymore. I think you will find this forum a life saver. People will get to know you and you will get to know others Please feel free to PM anytime. Love and hugs and best wishes Jules
My family is scattered across the US, I moved out when I was 16 and haven't stayed close to anyone but my brother. Due to time zone differences, we don't get to talk often. Mostly we send each other WhatsApp and I might get a reply every couple of days. I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to being in a crowd or feel like strangers are looking at me. So going in public is a minefield. I can usually blend in but the moment I speak I stand out like a sore thumb. Usually I'll get a whole host of questions about why is an American in the middle of England for? And so on. I get that it's just the culture here to be friendly and all, but one of the bigger issues I have is how quickly I go from 0 to 100 on the panic scale when I can't see a way out of the situation. I'm pretty sure I've come across as rude when I split form a conversation and leg it to the nearest exit. -_-
 
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