I feel like I'm dying all day, every day.

[Eliflora]

Hi, I'm new here. Actually I'm new to reaching out to strangers in general. But at this point in my life I am getting desperate to find any help or advice or understanding that I can. I hope I'm not violating any rules or anything. This may be long so if you read it all, thank you so much.

In the last three months my entire quality of life has slipped away from me and I find myself living in constant fear that I'm going to die. To preface this, I think I've always had anxiety. But it was more getting nervous in crowds, unable to talk to new people or make new friends, unable to make calls or text people. All of that I could deal with and I had come to terms with it over the years. But three months ago I had a panic attack, one of the first I'd ever experienced. I was just sitting at my computer playing video games when I realized I couldn't feel my arms or hands. This spread to my chest. I went to the hospital ER immediately and continued to panic there for four hours, convinced my heart was stopping, or my lungs were collapsing. They gave me an EKG to check my heart (which they told me was fine) and put me on IV and I went home...still feeling numb. This is where we are today. Every second of every day my chest is numb, my arms feel alien and I feel like my heart is going to stop beating at any second. I dont experience any tingling that's supposed to come with numbness, it's just as if something is missing in my chest area. The only way I can describe it is as if my heart isnt even there. Which I know sounds crazy. Everything will go so still in my chest area that I literally believe that I'm about to die. I obsess over it every day from the moment I wake up until I stay up until the point of exhaustion just to sleep. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll die in my sleep. I've started manually breathing for the last two months because I believe if I stop thinking about breathing, my body just stops doing so. This causes panic attacks, I'm taking ativan almost every day just to cope with this feeling. I've had five EKG's which all came back normal. Doctors dont understand what's wrong with me and it's gotten to the point that I'm seeking out doctors one by one hoping one will listen to me and not just tell me its anxiety. As I'm convinced it's more than that. Sometimes I'll feel disoriented, which causes panic, I'll look at someone else's limbs and feel confused for no reason. My own hands dont recognize each other when I touch them together.

I have been told by multiple people that this is anxiety. Is it? And if it is, is there any way to cope with this? I'm exhausted from feeling like I'm dying every day. I can barely work. I barely want to leave my room. I've cut out smoking ciggarettes (though I did switch to a vape epen because I panic and get angry off nicotine) exercise & caffeine. Mostly out of fear of messing with my heart. I'm on ativan and escitalopram that I've been taking for three months now and I'm not sure its helping?

I overthink my heart and lungs all day everyday. Is this anxiety? Can you experience this kind of stuff because of it? Is it health anxiety? Please help.

I'm so sorry this was so long winded but if you've read it all thank you so much.

Thank you.

 

[Yodagirl]

Hello and Welcome. I’m sorry you’re experiencing all of this anxiety right now. Have you been to see a psychiatrist? It definitely sounds like anxiety but seems it could be more than just that. But I’m no doctor and nobody here can diagnose you. But we can be here to support you!

 

[Eliflora]

Thank you! I am on a seven week wait list to see a therapist, and I was diagnosed with Anxiety/Depression when I was 14. But it was much less severe than it is now. I'm not hoping for a diagnosis, sorry if it seemed that way. Just wondering if anyone else with anxiety also experiences these things as I have no idea if I'm alone in this...if these are common symptoms of some peoples anxiety and how it manifests. Knowing it may be just the anxiety doing this to me might bring me some comfort. Though I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone.

 

[Yodagirl]

Thank you! I am on a seven week wait list to see a therapist, and I was diagnosed with Anxiety/Depression when I was 14. But it was much less severe than it is now. I'm not hoping for a diagnosis, sorry if it seemed that way. Just wondering if anyone else with anxiety also experiences these things as I have no idea if I'm alone in this...if these are common symptoms of some peoples anxiety and how it manifests. Knowing it may be just the anxiety doing this to me might bring me some comfort. Though I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone.

I too have anxiety GAD and Social as well. I literally worry about everything and my mind always goes to the worst case scenario! I’ve recently started a anxiety medication (Buspar) and I’ve noticed a bit of improvement. But I was also diagnosed with Bipolar 1 and put on a mood stabilizer (lamotrigine) so it could also be that helping or a combination of the two. I’m glad you have an appointment with a therapist. In the mean time could you possibly see your GP and see if they could offer you any help until then?

 

[Eliflora]

I'm not sure what a GP is but I'm assuming it's your family doctor? I did see him once but honestly it's not much help, he did tell me he thinks it's severe GAD and put me on Apo-Quetiapine which are anti-psychotics. But I find that taking them only makes me more nervous. Anything that slightly alters my mind makes me freak out, even sleeping aids make me panic. He didnt look much into anything else. But yes I'm hoping the therapist will give me more insight into this and let me know if it's truly just anxiety or if I should seek other types of medical help! And I do have a follow up appointment with my family doctor In a couple weeks, I'm hoping to ask him to look more into it than he already has, if only to put my mind at ease. It's mainly the chest numbness and anxiety about my heart that has been bothering me the most. It's almost unbearable most of the time. Thank you though!

 

[Yodagirl]

I'm not sure what a GP is but I'm assuming it's your family doctor? I did see him once but honestly it's not much help, he did tell me he thinks it's severe GAD and put me on Apo-Quetiapine which are anti-psychotics. But I find that taking them only makes me more nervous. Anything that slightly alters my mind makes me freak out, even sleeping aids make me panic. He didnt look much into anything else. But yes I'm hoping the therapist will give me more insight into this and let me know if it's truly just anxiety or if I should seek other types of medical help! And I do have a follow up appointment with my family doctor In a couple weeks, I'm hoping to ask him to look more into it than he already has, if only to put my mind at ease. It's mainly the chest numbness and anxiety about my heart that has been bothering me the most. It's almost unbearable most of the time. Thank you though!

Yes, GP is your family doctor. It sounds like the issues your suffering from with the chest numbness could possibly be panic attacks. Have you ever been told you’ve suffer from a panic attack? I went to the emergency room with chest pains and felt like I was dying, they ran every test they could and everything came back normal. They said it was just a panic attack.

 

[Eliflora]

Yes, GP is your family doctor. It sounds like the issues your suffering from with the chest numbness could possibly be panic attacks. Have you ever been told you’ve suffer from a panic attack? I went to the emergency room with chest pains and felt like I was dying, they ran every test they could and everything came back normal. They said it was just a panic attack.

Yes, every time I go to a doctor about the chest numbness I'm told it's just because of panic attacks. But that would mean I get them constantly all throughout the day, or just one big long one that hasn't ended. Perhaps I just have many during the day or i dont have any coping mechanisms? It does scare me because it's supposed to be symptoms of a panic attack but it feels like my panic attack never ends.