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Eliflora
New member
Hi, I'm new here. Actually I'm new to reaching out to strangers in general. But at this point in my life I am getting desperate to find any help or advice or understanding that I can. I hope I'm not violating any rules or anything. This may be long so if you read it all, thank you so much.
In the last three months my entire quality of life has slipped away from me and I find myself living in constant fear that I'm going to die. To preface this, I think I've always had anxiety. But it was more getting nervous in crowds, unable to talk to new people or make new friends, unable to make calls or text people. All of that I could deal with and I had come to terms with it over the years. But three months ago I had a panic attack, one of the first I'd ever experienced. I was just sitting at my computer playing video games when I realized I couldn't feel my arms or hands. This spread to my chest. I went to the hospital ER immediately and continued to panic there for four hours, convinced my heart was stopping, or my lungs were collapsing. They gave me an EKG to check my heart (which they told me was fine) and put me on IV and I went home...still feeling numb. This is where we are today. Every second of every day my chest is numb, my arms feel alien and I feel like my heart is going to stop beating at any second. I dont experience any tingling that's supposed to come with numbness, it's just as if something is missing in my chest area. The only way I can describe it is as if my heart isnt even there. Which I know sounds crazy. Everything will go so still in my chest area that I literally believe that I'm about to die. I obsess over it every day from the moment I wake up until I stay up until the point of exhaustion just to sleep. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll die in my sleep. I've started manually breathing for the last two months because I believe if I stop thinking about breathing, my body just stops doing so. This causes panic attacks, I'm taking ativan almost every day just to cope with this feeling. I've had five EKG's which all came back normal. Doctors dont understand what's wrong with me and it's gotten to the point that I'm seeking out doctors one by one hoping one will listen to me and not just tell me its anxiety. As I'm convinced it's more than that. Sometimes I'll feel disoriented, which causes panic, I'll look at someone else's limbs and feel confused for no reason. My own hands dont recognize each other when I touch them together.
I have been told by multiple people that this is anxiety. Is it? And if it is, is there any way to cope with this? I'm exhausted from feeling like I'm dying every day. I can barely work. I barely want to leave my room. I've cut out smoking ciggarettes (though I did switch to a vape epen because I panic and get angry off nicotine) exercise & caffeine. Mostly out of fear of messing with my heart. I'm on ativan and escitalopram that I've been taking for three months now and I'm not sure its helping?
I overthink my heart and lungs all day everyday. Is this anxiety? Can you experience this kind of stuff because of it? Is it health anxiety? Please help.
I'm so sorry this was so long winded but if you've read it all thank you so much.
Thank you.
In the last three months my entire quality of life has slipped away from me and I find myself living in constant fear that I'm going to die. To preface this, I think I've always had anxiety. But it was more getting nervous in crowds, unable to talk to new people or make new friends, unable to make calls or text people. All of that I could deal with and I had come to terms with it over the years. But three months ago I had a panic attack, one of the first I'd ever experienced. I was just sitting at my computer playing video games when I realized I couldn't feel my arms or hands. This spread to my chest. I went to the hospital ER immediately and continued to panic there for four hours, convinced my heart was stopping, or my lungs were collapsing. They gave me an EKG to check my heart (which they told me was fine) and put me on IV and I went home...still feeling numb. This is where we are today. Every second of every day my chest is numb, my arms feel alien and I feel like my heart is going to stop beating at any second. I dont experience any tingling that's supposed to come with numbness, it's just as if something is missing in my chest area. The only way I can describe it is as if my heart isnt even there. Which I know sounds crazy. Everything will go so still in my chest area that I literally believe that I'm about to die. I obsess over it every day from the moment I wake up until I stay up until the point of exhaustion just to sleep. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll die in my sleep. I've started manually breathing for the last two months because I believe if I stop thinking about breathing, my body just stops doing so. This causes panic attacks, I'm taking ativan almost every day just to cope with this feeling. I've had five EKG's which all came back normal. Doctors dont understand what's wrong with me and it's gotten to the point that I'm seeking out doctors one by one hoping one will listen to me and not just tell me its anxiety. As I'm convinced it's more than that. Sometimes I'll feel disoriented, which causes panic, I'll look at someone else's limbs and feel confused for no reason. My own hands dont recognize each other when I touch them together.
I have been told by multiple people that this is anxiety. Is it? And if it is, is there any way to cope with this? I'm exhausted from feeling like I'm dying every day. I can barely work. I barely want to leave my room. I've cut out smoking ciggarettes (though I did switch to a vape epen because I panic and get angry off nicotine) exercise & caffeine. Mostly out of fear of messing with my heart. I'm on ativan and escitalopram that I've been taking for three months now and I'm not sure its helping?
I overthink my heart and lungs all day everyday. Is this anxiety? Can you experience this kind of stuff because of it? Is it health anxiety? Please help.
I'm so sorry this was so long winded but if you've read it all thank you so much.
Thank you.