- Apr 5, 2021
So I'm dealing with bad depression for a while now, and last week I have started to feel a bit better, it wasn't much but I was happy that this good episode lasted so long this time. Since i had final exams and studied all day and night , i was super exausted and now that i finally had time to sleep i was just sleeping all the time, plus i have gotten sick from all of that, fever and all. But now people i live with started attacing me and juding me for always sleeping and telling me its not normal or acceptable to do that, and started yelling at me for not going outside to take walks (even tho I had a fever, and was super weak at the time), and also juding me for not going on a walk every single day before this exams which is the period i was depressed like never before, now i feel so guilty, but at that time I was so depressed I couldn't shower,eat,sleep,clean, even get out of bed, I wanted to so bad , but I just couldn't. Doesn't mean I didn't try hard. But I was so exausted from trying to keep myself alive that I had no energy for anything else. Also i have some problems with my spleen so my doctor advised me to not do to much phisical activities , bc it could break open. Anyways, after that outburst they had i got a very bad panic attack, and everything went so dark , that if my girlfriend wasn't there with me , holding me tight I would for sure harm myself. I just feel like a wast of space and like everyone thinks I'm a burden and a problem for them, and that it would be so much easier if I just went away. I keep dissapointing everyone around me. Today I was told I'm acting like a little child bc i was sad about the whole situation and I wanted to take that walk so no one would yell at me about it anymore. Idk , I don't wanna overact , but I can't help if those words hurt me so much. I'm trying so much to make everyone happy, and now I'm failing at that. Sorry if this is stupid.