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I feel like I'm doing everything wrong

J

JennyWinchester

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Joined
Apr 5, 2021
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10
Location
California
So I'm dealing with bad depression for a while now, and last week I have started to feel a bit better, it wasn't much but I was happy that this good episode lasted so long this time. Since i had final exams and studied all day and night , i was super exausted and now that i finally had time to sleep i was just sleeping all the time, plus i have gotten sick from all of that, fever and all. But now people i live with started attacing me and juding me for always sleeping and telling me its not normal or acceptable to do that, and started yelling at me for not going outside to take walks (even tho I had a fever, and was super weak at the time), and also juding me for not going on a walk every single day before this exams which is the period i was depressed like never before, now i feel so guilty, but at that time I was so depressed I couldn't shower,eat,sleep,clean, even get out of bed, I wanted to so bad , but I just couldn't. Doesn't mean I didn't try hard. But I was so exausted from trying to keep myself alive that I had no energy for anything else. Also i have some problems with my spleen so my doctor advised me to not do to much phisical activities , bc it could break open. Anyways, after that outburst they had i got a very bad panic attack, and everything went so dark , that if my girlfriend wasn't there with me , holding me tight I would for sure harm myself. I just feel like a wast of space and like everyone thinks I'm a burden and a problem for them, and that it would be so much easier if I just went away. I keep dissapointing everyone around me. Today I was told I'm acting like a little child bc i was sad about the whole situation and I wanted to take that walk so no one would yell at me about it anymore. Idk , I don't wanna overact , but I can't help if those words hurt me so much. I'm trying so much to make everyone happy, and now I'm failing at that. Sorry if this is stupid.
 
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AppleJacks999

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Sorry to hear that, but it's admirable that you are making it in school. Did you do well on your exams or when do you find out? I had a hard time trying to make it in school. Made "good" grades I guess, but didn't study or want to read the material (correction: couldn't comprehend a lot of the material)...and couldn't stay interested.

The fact that you study so hard making yourself sick breaks my heart. I hear about so many people dealing with depression and anxiety trying to go to school and work. I just want you to know you are appreciated. I wish I had stuck with it, and I hope you do. Exercise is good for your physical and mental health, but I can't say anything, because I like to sleep and stay indoors too. Sounds like you are doing the best you can, and you were sick. People should give you a break. School is hard, and if you're working too...that's really hard. That's why I dropped out. I had trouble juggling both work and school and home life. Your post isn't stupid. You just sound exhausted, and like you need to rest.
 
J

JennyWinchester

Member
Joined
Apr 5, 2021
Messages
10
Location
California
Sorry to hear that, but it's admirable that you are making it in school. Did you do well on your exams or when do you find out? I had a hard time trying to make it in school. Made "good" grades I guess, but didn't study or want to read the material (correction: couldn't comprehend a lot of the material)...and couldn't stay interested.

The fact that you study so hard making yourself sick breaks my heart. I hear about so many people dealing with depression and anxiety trying to go to school and work. I just want you to know you are appreciated. I wish I had stuck with it, and I hope you do. Exercise is good for your physical and mental health, but I can't say anything, because I like to sleep and stay indoors too. Sounds like you are doing the best you can, and you were sick. People should give you a break. School is hard, and if you're working too...that's really hard. That's why I dropped out. I had trouble juggling both work and school and home life. Your post isn't stupid. You just sound exhausted, and like you need to rest.
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this right now. Your words helped a lot. I passed all my exams except one, I still don't know how I managed to do it, It was really hard for me to concentrate and study, but I did it regardless . It's nice to hear someone understands how I feel. I wish you all the best , you are so kind ❤
 
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AppleJacks999

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Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this right now. Your words helped a lot. I passed all my exams except one, I still don't know how I managed to do it, It was really hard for me to concentrate and study, but I did it regardless . It's nice to hear someone understands how I feel. I wish you all the best , you are so kind ❤
Wow, that's great! I always wondered how I passed them too. It's weird right?
 
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