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I feel like I'm a problem to everyone.

K

KAnne

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Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
2
I am 19 and (feel like) I've been suffering from depression and anxiety since the age of 14/15. I wasn't officially diagnosed until last year, but my Doctor said I have "anxiety with depression" which seems about right. I have been on 3 different medications (none have worked so far) and my parents seem to think it's a joke. They know I have some issues (i.e. going places alone, getting out of bed, lack of motivation, disinterest in everything) but they don't seem to understand that my mental illness is real. For a few years I did laugh it off as a way to ease them into the whole "I am depressed" thing... so I suppose they never did let go of the humor and still believe I don't really suffer from anything.

Anyway, despite everything, they still try to force me into situations that make me anxious and then get angry if I get uncomfortable and refuse. For example; if we're out shopping and I ask if we can go into a specific shop, they'll tell me to go in alone and when I say "oh never mind" and continue walking with them, they'll get pissed and say I'm lazy and "need to grow up."

Tonight, they went out for drinks (and I'm fine with being alone for a few hours at a time) but then they called and said they'd be staying another hour and initially, I panicked, but I didn't want to be a pain and ruin their night so I went with it. But eventually, 4 hours passed and I called them to ask how long they'd be (because not only was I getting extremely anxious, I was starving and they were supposed to be bringing food home with them) and my Dad said "another hour" so I just hung up and he called back twice, clearly angered, saying "I'm a little b*tch" and I need to "f*cking grow up."

Then there's my Sister. She's 10 years older than me and has children so I'm usually the babysitter. I'm fine with doing that for her, but what stings is that I'm babysitter first, Sister second. It was her birthday last week and she invited her friends and some family (our Mum included) to a party in her house and then asked me if I'd babysit her kids that night. I said no and she didn't talk to me for a week. All I ever do is watch her kids even though the only time she ever talks to me is when she's asking me to do something for her.

My Grandparents are pretty much the same. If my Sister can't make it in time to go food shopping with my Grandma, they'll ask me instead... as a back-up, basically. They openly refer to her as "the golden child" and will do absolutely anything she asks, but the second I ask to be taken to a Doctor's appointment or something, it becomes a huge inconvenience and there's lots of grumbling involved.

I don't know what I did or what I can do to fix it.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Have they always treated you like that cos if so I am not surprised you feel depressed and anxious, it sounds like your needs are not considered to be as important as theirs, ok I can sort of understand that some people just don't understand what it's like to be socially anxious - I had similar from my parents who thought I was just being rude rather than shy - but the thing with your sister and grandma, that's giving you a message that you are not as valued as your sister which isn't going to help your depression and anxiety imo.

Are you getting any other support apart from meds? as sounds like maybe you are not going to get it at home. One thing that might help is assertiveness skills, there are books you can get at the library or sometimes they have courses at further education colleges that can be low cost if you are on a low income.

Is moving out an option at all? Or could you have help from a support worker to help you go do your shopping and stuff, maybe if you didn't need to rely on your parents for help they might not be so negative towards you, I don't know though, sometimes people just don't accept MH issues are real because they don't experience them themselves.

You're not lazy and it's not your fault you're unwell. I'm sorry they're not so understanding of your problems:hug:
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Hello and :welcome:

Not a lot of people understand mental illness, unfortunately. I know they're you're family and there's mutual love there, etc., but this environment seems to be toxic to you; it's not good to be in an environment which continually and persistently invalidates your feelings. You need to process your feelings in order to heal. I hope you can move out soon and find a level of autonomy in your life (the kind that comes with living on your own terms), and not be brought down by the people around you.
 
K

KAnne

New member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
2
I wish I could move out, but I don't have a job and recently failed my ESA medical... which is a whole other problem on it's own.

I don't know if my family have always been like that or if I've only just started to notice it. I know I'm not necessarily "the favorite child" but, I mean, the dog gets treated better than I do which can't be a good thing.

As for the Doctor, she hasn't yet offered me any other form of help other than medication. I don't feel like my depression/anxiety is a chemical imbalance or something that can be fixed by popping some pills. I know that does work for some people but I definitely feel like my issues are caused by the life I've had to live over the past few years. Maybe I could ask about some form of counselling.

Thanks for your response.
 
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