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I feel like I lost it.

R

Retaw

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Well, things are not going well with me. It feels like I’m losing my entire mind. Actually it feels like already lost it. I’m not sure how to explain it. I’ve been fighting myself over and over every day for the past 5 years. I’ve lost my faith that improvement is possible. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like anxiety and depression. Nothing more then that. I deal with intrusions, although I doubt if they are. I constantly obsess about ‘irrational’ stuff. like certain colors that are bad. I judge people by their eye color which is just horrible. But it does feel like the truth. I feel like a psychopath. Like really, I feel like one. I feel like the most horrible person on earth. I lost all my feelings, although I feel so much. I can’t cry, be angry or whatever. I’m just completely boiled up by frustration. I think about giving up, although I try to avoid that subject. I do think about it. I feel like I just really lost it. I’m not feeling well reaching out atm, but I’m still posting this. I’m not sure why. I feel like nothing works anyway. I’ve done a lot already. I’m still the person who struggles everyday with himself. I don’t believe I can change this, because it’s part of my identity now. Who am I without this? I don’t know. I don’t even know if I want to change? Is that weird? Probably. I know it backfires anyway. I will be always be doomed. Stuck with irrational thoughts all alone. I’m waiting for therapy but it takes so long. I’m done.
 
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Zoe1

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hi Retaw

do you have plans to harm yourself ?


:grouphug: 🕯
 
Bod

Bod

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I'm sorry you are really suffering and it's good that you have therapy soon, you just have to try and stay in there as help will soon be with you I know it's damn hard or seems impossible but you will get better soon.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Please remember you can call for help 24/7
I often used to call the samaritans in the middle of the night and they always were there


If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
R

Retaw

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I'm sorry you are really suffering and it's good that you have therapy soon, you just have to try and stay in there as help will soon be with you I know it's damn hard or seems impossible but you will get better soon.
I try to hold on. My coach (no psychologist) is on vacation for 3 weeks, so my rhythm is changed. I used to go 4 times a week and do a lot of stuff in a group. That’s now gone for a while.

Why would I get better soon?
 
Bod

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What I meant was once you do start your therapy it will start to get better. Or just keep using this forum and talking.
 
R

Retaw

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What I meant was once you do start your therapy it will start to get better. Or just keep using this forum and talking.
I’ve started therapy before. It feels like only a miracle can change my situation now.
 
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Zoe1

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I think recovery is an endless searching and a journey
I know how it feels to want to give up though
 
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Retaw

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I don't know but maybe you need to have the therapy for longer, just a thought.
Maybe. They offered 3 types of therapy. For all are waitinglists. I already waited for 1,5 years for the 2nd time in 5 years. I’m not sure if I can wait much longer.
 
Bod

Bod

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Bloody hell that is long to wait, all I can say then is keep using this forum sorry that is all I can think of.
 
R

Retaw

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Bloody hell that is long to wait, all I can say then is keep using this forum sorry that is all I can think of.
Yeah, it is. I will, although it’s difficult to explain everything from scratch everytime. I feel like I need a lot of words to describe my situation to make it some what understandable
 
Bod

Bod

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Yeah, it is. I will, although it’s difficult to explain everything from scratch everytime. I feel like I need a lot of words to describe my situation to make it some what understandable

I'd not worry how the words came out, but only talk if you are fine with it but many members here might think Bloody hell that's just like me. I'm a great believer of talking does help and never push yourself.
 
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