• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere

B

Blue Opal

Guest
I've forever felt I don't belong in this world. I don't belong to the 'normal', mentally well people.
But I also don't belong to any group of mentally ill people.

I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I'm not sure I really have it. I don't get (hypo) mania, only got that twice when I was started on, or taking, antidepressants. I got psychosis with that as well. But not like a psychotic episode, I had so-called micro-psychosis. So I don't belong to psychotic people either.

I have avoidant personality disorder and even if I have 6 out of 7 features, I don't feel like other people with AvPD or social anxiety. I don't have it that bad, I am in a relationship, I have a friend and I can talk to people, even to strangers. More easily than to the people I know, actually, cause I'm not so afraid of strangers rejecting me. That won't hurt as much.

I have borderline traits, not fully fledged bpd. So don't belong to people with bpd either. Same goes for my dependent traits; I don't have dependent pd.

Even my depression isn't like your usual depression. I identify mostly with the description of atypical depression (but also, not completely) and I have dysthymia. That's where I feel I belong the most.

Even in all the therapy groups I've been in there was never someone like me.
I should be thinking that makes me unique, special maybe even. But I just feel utterly alone because no-one truly understands how I feel.
 
B

Blue Opal

Guest
I would like to add, when it comes to my avoidant PD that I am just very very afraid of rejection and criticism and I am very self aware. Always fear to say something stupid or wrong. So I prefer to stay silent, that feels safer.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
10,994
Location
England
I love that photo, is that your cat? You should be more like your cat. Unique, purfect, strong, entitled, superior, expectant, demanding. ;)

You are unique, we all are. No two people are the same. I am not like many other people either, in terms of illness, but i also feel like most of us on here are the same, we have a heartbeat, a conscience, we worry, we laugh, we cry, we are human.
 
soul searching

soul searching

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 5, 2020
Messages
1,055
Location
Clearwater, Florida
I agree with Tawny. I have felt this way for most of my life. Always on the outside, never really feeling like I belong, not good enough. I'll bet there are a lot of people here who feel the same. I guess that's something else to work on. And like Tawny said, we are all similar on the inside.
 
B

Blue Opal

Guest
I love that photo, is that your cat? You should be more like your cat. Unique, purfect, strong, entitled, superior, expectant, demanding. ;)

You are unique, we all are. No two people are the same. I am not like many other people either, in terms of illness, but i also feel like most of us on here are the same, we have a heartbeat, a conscience, we worry, we laugh, we cry, we are human.
Thank you Tawny for your kind words.

Yes, my cat is my profile picture. He yawns a lot. :)
 
B

Blue Opal

Guest
I agree with Tawny. I have felt this way for most of my life. Always on the outside, never really feeling like I belong, not good enough. I'll bet there are a lot of people here who feel the same. I guess that's something else to work on. And like Tawny said, we are all similar on the inside.
I relate to everything you wrote. Thank you for your reply.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
10,994
Location
England
Thank you Tawny for your kind words.

Yes, my cat is my profile picture. He yawns a lot. :)
Yes i should have known it was a yawn, that is so funny. I have many of my cats yawning and i emailed some last Halloween because they are terrifying :)
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
3,364
Location
Pyongyang, DPRK
Echo what others have said here. It's pretty common to have 'milder' versions of mental illness - think of it like a sliding scale, so there's no neat category to sit in. I don't think it's so important to worry about which group/label you fit in - you still relate to some similar experiences, so you have more in common with others than you might think <3
 
B

Blue Opal

Guest
Thanks all. I know I shouldn't worry about labels too much. It's probably because I don't have much sense of identity and have the need for a description of symptoms or traits that I have in common with other people, so I can feel like I belong.
For some reason I would be happier with a diagnosis of 'personality disorder not elsewhere classified with avoidant, borderline and dependent traits', because then I would feel like: OK, that's me, I have something unique. Now I keep thinking: I can't be avoidant when I'm dependent, and how am I borderline if I'm so avoidant and not impulsive at all?
Or: I can't have dysthymia because I've had at least one hypo(manic) episode. That is exactly the description in the dsm 5. It's so confusing.
Well let's just conclude that I'm really fucking crazy.
 
B

Blue Opal

Guest
Yes i should have known it was a yawn, that is so funny. I have many of my cats yawning and i emailed some last Halloween because they are terrifying :)
They ARE terrifying when they yawn! It is so scary. My cat does meyawns, where he meows and yawns at the same time. It's his specialty and it's so funny.
 
Requisit9

Requisit9

New member
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
2
Location
North West
I've just joined this forum and was just looking through some threads and yours really struck a chord with me. I feel like I don't fit in or belong anywhere . I have been diagnosed with EUPD traits, or BPD as I think they are basically the same.

It's so hard to talk to anyone as no one really knows what it's like. I swing from a dark self harming place to coming across 'perfectly normal'. I have been good at putting on a 'normal' appearance but it's getting so much harder as time goes on. Sometimes I'm in a meeting at work and anger overwhelms me so much that I can barely speak.

I guess like lots of other people I have some physical health problems as well and I can't get any help because they think I'm a time waster at the docs.

How are you supposed to deal with life like this? I think like others have said, I'm lost
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
6,523
Location
Canada
I don't belong to the 'normal', mentally well people.
But I also don't belong to any group of mentally ill people.
I don't have much experience with mentally well people. My family had none of those. Seems to me almost everybody is at least a little crazy. In other words, it's a bit of a paradox, meaning that it's normal to be weird in some ways. It surfaces without many exceptions, as you get to know someone better. There are some posts on here about how others seem to have it all together. I guess the key word there is "seem." Beyond surface appearances who knows.

I'm not sure mentally ill people actually belong to any group. Illness is an isolating condition. Nobody quite fits into a neat box. Two depressed people won't experience things the same. The labels and diagnoses are generalizations. Would be nice if it was more clear cut, but we're too complicated for that.
 
B

Blue Opal

Guest
Thanks Jajingna. Those are wise and comforting words.
Actually my whole (direct) family is crazy too, but not as much as I am. Guess that's because they're all extroverts and I'm an introvert or something.
 
A

Am33

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
382
Location
Fiji
Try looking at Abraham Maslow's pyramid of needs chart . Many people in this day in age have their lower needs met , They don't know they have higher needs of self actualization . So they become depressed with life feel they don't fit in with people at the lower steps .
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
K Things I do so I don't feel alone Mental Health Experiences 1
S I don't feel like we make enough noise. Mental Health Experiences 7
Shana09 I feel so irritable, like I want to lash out and I don't know what to do Mental Health Experiences 15
C I don't know if I'm normal , does everyone behave/feel the same? Mental Health Experiences 2
T I feel like shit even though i don't have real problems Mental Health Experiences 22
K I don't know if I'm unwell or if what I feel is normal.. Mental Health Experiences 2
H I feel Lost , I don't know myself anymore Mental Health Experiences 3
H I don't feel anything towards my mother Mental Health Experiences 1
O I don't feel comfortable talking to my Psychologist about this Mental Health Experiences 1
J Don't even know what I feel Mental Health Experiences 4
S I Don't Know What To Do Or How To Feel. Mental Health Experiences 15
I I don't feel human Mental Health Experiences 24
S I don't know how to describe how I feel Mental Health Experiences 2
T New hear but don't know what's happening to me :-( feel like my life has ended. Mental Health Experiences 3
S I exist but do I feel truly alive? I don't think so. Mental Health Experiences 3
T Don't feel ok Mental Health Experiences 6
M The thought of my work makes me feel I’ll Mental Health Experiences 1
M i feel like im surrounded by a bunch of monsters Mental Health Experiences 12
T I feel so isolated from everyone including myself Mental Health Experiences 2
H Feel abit sad and wanted to say hello to everyone this evening Mental Health Experiences 5
Lilly776 feel depressed asf right now Mental Health Experiences 62
Lilly776 Feel useless Mental Health Experiences 1
M I feel suicidal and regret Mental Health Experiences 6
T Do you feel me? Mental Health Experiences 1
hORIzonFINK210 Empathy and feel-- CANNOT be seperated Mental Health Experiences 1
jajingna Do you ever feel shame? Mental Health Experiences 11
M Stopped lexapro after 2 days , terrifying side effect , will I ever feel myself again Mental Health Experiences 5
Amelia2020 I feel like everyone is an enemy and against me Mental Health Experiences 2
I I feel like I am drowning Mental Health Experiences 4
Amelia2020 I feel like I have 1 year left before i die Mental Health Experiences 23
W toxic friendship making me feel like shit Mental Health Experiences 3
G do I have the right to feel this way Mental Health Experiences 4
jajingna Do you feel angry often or rarely? Mental Health Experiences 42
I Feel like this is the end Mental Health Experiences 4
Hello513 We think to much and feel to little. Mental Health Experiences 10
H Do you feel alone? Mental Health Experiences 1
W i feel broken Mental Health Experiences 1
I I feel so alone Mental Health Experiences 27
L My friendships are falling apart and I feel like it’s my fault. Mental Health Experiences 11
StrugglingToForget Do you ever feel like your mental health will hold you back forever? Mental Health Experiences 3
wraziel Can anyone explain twhy I feel very good... Mental Health Experiences 1
Amelia2020 Please help: i feel like my mind is out of control Mental Health Experiences 5
C I feel like I've lost my sanity at times. Mental Health Experiences 2
Wheelie Bin Barry Just back from general hospital, feel exausted Mental Health Experiences 1
wraziel Afraid to feel again. Mental Health Experiences 4
L I feel really hurt... Mental Health Experiences 17
M What to do to feel more connected to people Mental Health Experiences 4
wraziel I feel as a farce Mental Health Experiences 3
argella Feel very sick Mental Health Experiences 2
A I feel utterly useless Mental Health Experiences 7

Similar threads

Top